Wife Having An Affair

[Possum]

1 hour ago, baronapart said:

It is in your best interest for her to become a citizen. You signed an I-864 promising that you would provide support at the 125% of poverty level. This only ends when she has worked 40 quarters for SS or becomes a US citizen. This obligation does not end with divorce.

I'd contact an attorney ASAP, especially if in an alimony state. I've personally never known of a 864 prosecution for nonsupport, I suppose it could happen but that's a federal violation and if they started prosecuting those cases they'd need to hire a LOT more prosecutors. What state the OP lives in determines a lot as divorce  grounds vary from state to state and adultery alone is grounds for divorce in a few states and would reduce the chance for alimony being required.  I wish the guy luck and a good attorney is needed. If she wants one she has to hire her own.  Divorce is costly but worth it.

[baronapart]

41 minutes ago, Possum said:

I'd contact an attorney ASAP, especially if in an alimony state. I've personally never known of a 864 prosecution for nonsupport, I suppose it could happen but that's a federal violation and if they started prosecuting those cases they'd need to hire a LOT more prosecutors. What state the OP lives in determines a lot as divorce  grounds vary from state to state and adultery alone is grounds for divorce in a few states and would reduce the chance for alimony being required.  I wish the guy luck and a good attorney is needed. If she wants one she has to hire her own.  Divorce is costly but worth it.

 

https://www.justia.com/immigration/marriage-family-based-petitions/i-864-support-and-divorce/             

https://www.ocimmigrationattorney.com/blog/ninth-circuit-holds-that-i-864-affidavit-of-support-trumps-family-law-court-decision-regarding-prenuptial-agreement-and-alimony

No need for prosecuters. Federal Appeals court found I-864 supersedes prenup or state court decisions. Interpreted as a contract between Petitioner and Beneficiary/US Government. The Erler decision should make anyone pause before signing an I-864.

The I-864 has also been used as a framework in individual divorce cases in state courts-rightly or wrongly.

Edited October 10 by baronapart

[Possum]

35 minutes ago, baronapart said:

https://www.justia.com/immigration/marriage-family-based-petitions/i-864-support-and-divorce/             

https://www.ocimmigrationattorney.com/blog/ninth-circuit-holds-that-i-864-affidavit-of-support-trumps-family-law-court-decision-regarding-prenuptial-agreement-and-alimony

No need for prosecuters. Federal Appeals court found I-864 supersedes prenup or state court decisions. Interpreted as a contract between Petitioner and Beneficiary/US Government. The Erler decision should make anyone pause before signing an I-864.

The I-864 has also been used as a framework in individual divorce cases in state courts-rightly or wrongly.

Thanks, did not know that. I do know for other 864's outside of marriage it is rarely prosecuted. I'd agree it is wise to hesitate before signing any 864.

[Old55]

Sad to read about your situation Mark you are certainly not alone. I wish you the best.

 

[MikeB]

16 hours ago, Mark B said:

We have a 11 year old son together and her daughter from a relationship prior to meeting her in the PH.  I have seen a lawyer, have thought about moving out of our house and taking my son with me.  I’m 72 and wife is 39. 

We also have a son (just turned 12) and both ours and our spouses ages are very close. I can imagine how painful this is but for the good of your child is there any way this can be fixed? If not don't do anything w/o consulting with the attorney. And get a good one. Texas is not a 50/50 state when it comes to division of assets OR child custody. If you have proof she was having an affair that can be used against her. They can also take into account that you have contributed more financially. These things can affect division of assets and custody. I truly wish you the best.

[Mike J]

I have to say that your story is bringing up some very painful memories as I went through a similar situation a little over 20 years ago.   My ex was American and we were the same age, but otherwise the story is almost the same.   In a single day I went from husband, father, and home owner to separated, seldom seeing my daughter, and living in an apartment.  The only thing that kept me sane was my work.  Basically she wanted to have her cake and eat it too, thinking she could string me along while continuing the affair.   Eventually I had to go see a shrink to keep from loosing my sanity.  It worked and I was able to go forward but it was a difficult journey for a some time.  So I would advise counseling if things get too bad for you, it certainly helped for me.  One thing the shrink said to me that helped a lot.  "You are a forgiving person and have already forgiven her.  Forgiveness is in your nature.  The issue is that trust has been broken and that is something that cannot really be forgotten."  So I agree with your decision to get a divorce even though it is a painful process.  A friend told me when things look the darkest remember to "JUST KEEP ROWING".  A pastor said to me "when you are at the end of your rope, TIE A KNOT AND JUST HOLD ON until the storm passes."  Wishing you strength. compassion, and courage as you move forward.

[BrettGC]

3 minutes ago, Mike J said:

I have to say that your story is bringing up some very painful memories as I went through a similar situation a little over 20 years ago.   My ex was American and we were the same age, but otherwise the story is almost the same.   In a single day I went from husband, father, and home owner to separated, seldom seeing my daughter, and living in an apartment.  The only thing that kept me sane was my work.  Basically she wanted to have her cake and eat it too, thinking she could string me along while continuing the affair.   Eventually I had to go see a shrink to keep from loosing my sanity.  It worked and I was able to go forward but it was a difficult journey for a some time.  So I would advise counseling if things get too bad for you, it certainly helped for me.  One thing the shrink said to me that helped a lot.  "You are a forgiving person and have already forgiven her.  Forgiveness is in your nature.  The issue is that trust has been broken and that is something that cannot really be forgotten."  So I agree with your decision to get a divorce even though it is a painful process.  A friend told me when things look the darkest remember to "JUST KEEP ROWING".  A pastor said to me "when you are at the end of your rope, TIE A KNOT AND JUST HOLD ON until the storm passes."  Wishing you strength. compassion, and courage as you move forward.

I was a mess as well.  I'd grown up with my family around me, then joined the navy and had my mates around me, married and again had a family around me.  All of a sudden I was alone and terrified at the prospect and quickly falling into the depths of depression and a major case of "victim guilt" i.e. it was all my fault.  But I wasn't alone.  My own family and my navy family carried me; combined with a very good psychologist.  I was lucky I had people willing to carry me when I needed it, but many don't. 

Over the years of our marriage I began to notice we were being invited to fewer and fewer events/outings.  After our separation all of a sudden I was invited again.  When I asked my friends what was going on the general response was:  "It wasn't you mate, it was your wife, nobody liked her".  It was a similar response from my family. I didn't ask why no one tried to tell me, anyone with even an ounce of emotional intelligence would understand you can't tell someone not to be in love and expect a rational response regardless of your best intentions. It may be a little mean spirited of me but I did take more than a little pleasure in this revelation. 

The end of a relationship can be compared to a death but in some cases even worse as it's harder to get closure due to the object of your mourning still being right there in front of you. 

In the end, it did make me stronger but it was a journey.  Before I met wife 2.0, I couldn't imagine living with anyone else ever again.  I was happily single, my kids had grown up and were doing well, a serious relationship would just get in the way of my busy lifestyle. 

 

 

[Snowy79]

Sorry to hear what you are going through, I'm pretty sure many on this forum have been down the divorce route and pulled through, myself being one of them.

I had semi helped others through their divorce or breakups and figured I had things pretty much sorted away with my seperation until I decided to finally end it. For me it was like a switch was flicked on my wife's brain, from being reasonable and actually friendly to the most evil person I've known in literally seconds.  The sudden realisation that she had been playing me all along to get as much out of me as possible struck home. 

My advice on looking back is she has shown you her true self, she has played you whilst living an alternative life with her other partner.  I'm aware there are kids involved so it's not going to be an easy decision but I foresee her using the child as leverage and once she gets citizenship stand by. She will have the financial and legal clout to walk all over you. 

If it was me I'd ensure she doesn't qualify for her citizenship and have her shipped back to the Philippines to think what she has done, a leopard doesn't change it's spots.  The reality of her being home and unemployed will soon sink in and give you more of a bargaining chip with the child. Tough decisions but at our age we have to look after ourselves.

[Mark B]

On 10/10/2024 at 8:09 AM, baronapart said:

It is in your best interest for her to become a citizen. You signed an I-864 promising that you would provide support at the 125% of poverty level. This only ends when she has worked 40 quarters for SS or becomes a US citizen. This obligation does not end with divorce.

The 125% of poverty level for her and the kids is $32,375  she makes at her job just over 43K.  So I think that is a non issue.

[hk blues]

13 hours ago, Mark B said:

The 125% of poverty level for her and the kids is $32,375  she makes at her job just over 43K.  So I think that is a non issue.

Unless she takes the hump with you and gives up her job realising you can pay her for not working.