Wife Having An Affair

[Mark B]

14 hours ago, hk blues said:

Unless she takes the hump with you and gives up her job realising you can pay her for not working. 

I hope not.....ouch....

[hk blues]

7 hours ago, Mark B said:

I hope not.....ouch....

She wouldn't be the first to think like that.

[Snowy79]

8 hours ago, hk blues said:

She wouldn't be the first to think like that.

I see you know my ex wife ;-)

Mine asked me to write her a letter offering to pay her only £50 per month maintenance in about 2004 even though I was giving her over £500 plus paying for lots of other things.  Fast forward to 2012 and we are divorcing when she pulls out this letter which looks like it was kept in a hermetically sealed box and tries to claim back maintainance of £2000 per month going back 8 years as she was under the impression I was self employed and making a fortune.  Initially my lawyer thought I was screwed but one of the perks of my job was cash in hand.  A quick look through my finances showed I was barely reaching the minimum wage and should have been claiming tax benefits which would have limited my maintainance payments to a token £5 per week.  

She then claimed to be too sick to work and got a doctors letter for fibromyalgia which is extremely difficult to diagnose. You name it she tried everything to screw me and like I said earlier it was like a switch went in her head, from laughing and joking, going out for the odd meal etc to trying to get every penny out of me. She even tried to get me arrested on trumped up charges which I found out later if they had stuck she was entitled to free legal aid in the divorce. Fortunately CCTV showed she was lying. 

[BrettGC]

1 hour ago, Snowy79 said:

I see you know my ex wife ;-)

Mine asked me to write her a letter offering to pay her only £50 per month maintenance in about 2004 even though I was giving her over £500 plus paying for lots of other things.  Fast forward to 2012 and we are divorcing when she pulls out this letter which looks like it was kept in a hermetically sealed box and tries to claim back maintainance of £2000 per month going back 8 years as she was under the impression I was self employed and making a fortune.  Initially my lawyer thought I was screwed but one of the perks of my job was cash in hand.  A quick look through my finances showed I was barely reaching the minimum wage and should have been claiming tax benefits which would have limited my maintainance payments to a token £5 per week.  

She then claimed to be too sick to work and got a doctors letter for fibromyalgia which is extremely difficult to diagnose. You name it she tried everything to screw me and like I said earlier it was like a switch went in her head, from laughing and joking, going out for the odd meal etc to trying to get every penny out of me. She even tried to get me arrested on trumped up charges which I found out later if they had stuck she was entitled to free legal aid in the divorce. Fortunately CCTV showed she was lying. 

It sounds like you both know my ex-wife.  We had a private child support agreement and didn't register it anywhere but it was around what I should be paying anyway and I increased it by the appropriate amounts as my pay went up.  When I left the navy I went from CPO (SCPO - E8 for the yanks) with tier four submarine sea going allowance plus other allowances, which wasn't an insubstantial amount in 2007, down to 40% of the base pay for my rank and job category as my 20 years service pension.  I was determined to finish the remainder of my degree full-time so had about 2 years to run on that after discharge - a bit of pain for a long term gain.  I adjusted the payments to my ex accordingly. 

The ex screamed blue murder.  So off she trots to the Child Support Agency (CSA) and claimed that I hadn't paid a cent since we separated in 1999.  She'd never been a forward thinking person:  A mate I joined up with did his 6 years then took a job in Defence Pay.  We'd stayed close friends over the years so I asked him how much of a pain in the proverbial it would be to get hold of all my pay slips from 1999 until discharge.  Not an issue.  Every single payslip showed my payments into her bank account a little over the required CSA amounts.  I forwarded them to CSA, they were most interested in the attempted fraud and promptly forwarded them to Centrelink (department that runs social security payments like aged pensions, unemployment benefits, and you guessed it, single parent pensions in Australia) who quickly discovered she hadn't been declaring any of the money I was sending her which would have impacted her single parent pension.... CSA didn't charge her with fraud but made some interesting threats and asked if I wanted to be refunded the overpayments; I declined - I had my kids to think about as well.  Centrelink charged her with fraud.  She was convicted but only sentenced to community service for I can't remember how many hours.  She got off lightly as I think the kids came into consideration.  If she'd been imprisoned (which was a strong possibility), I would've ended up with the kids full-time rather than 50/50, so a double win for me.  To be honest, other than the above chain of events and her infidelity while we were married, I could never fault her as a mother and it would've done the kids more damage than anything else. 

Edited Monday at 11:59 AM by BrettGC

[usa32]

On 10/9/2024 at 7:38 PM, Mark B said:

Well looking for some advice here, have been married for 14 years now, got married in Cebu PH, moved to  Guam in 2014 then to the US in 2021. Got my wife a car, found her a job when we moved her 3 years ago.  I bought her some land in Bohol  while we were in Guam and she has been building a house on it with help from me.   I was going to take a loan out to finish the interior of our house about 20K  this December and take a summer trip there in 2025.   Well in June I found out she was having an affair .  When I confronted her she confessed to it, I told her I wanted to leave and she begged me not to, saying she can fix it and she choses me over him.  What the heck… I told her not to see him again and she agreed.  But she is seeing him and I found out its a co-worker at work.  She also said you going to divorce me just over this?  I have been mad at her since the end of June when I found out about this.  We have a 11 year old son together and her daughter from a relationship prior to meeting her in the PH.  I have seen a lawyer, have thought about moving out of our house and taking my son with me.  I’m 72 and wife is 39.  Her BF is younger than me and if I’m correct a Filipino.  I do not love her anymore, I helped her family out etc., I’m leaning towards a divorce.  I just did not think this would happen to me being married to a Filipino, what a heart break for me.  I was divorced back in1984 so I know how it affects children.  Our kids and her parents and brothers and sisters do not know of this, her parents are moving into the house now to work on it and to stay there which was the plan.  I don’t want to hurt her parents etc., or our kids but I cannot live with her and really do not even want to touch her let alone having sex with her.  So please tell me out thoughts…

This is a common scenario. 1st thing for everyone to learn, if you have a big age gap, don't bring her back to the usa.  If ages are close you might have a fighting chance of keeping her in the usa. It sounds like you did everything for her, but shes is not appreciative enough to be faithful. Women who are not deeply in love, are always looking for the next jump in social/economic class, or potentially in this case, someone her own age, she is more physically drawn to. Shes 39, which is the sexual peak for a woman, and you are 72. Are you taking care of those duties or capable of doing so?  Regardless, its over, you can't put it back together. Divorce her. She will likely take the kid and half or more of your money. You know the drill in the west.

[Old55]

I've shared this before but here goes. Over the past 27 years of all the large age gap marriages we know of here in the US only two have survived. Both cases the husband was very well off and has a well crafted prenup from a competent law group. Several of the Filipinas who left their husband were those we thought would never leave. But they did. 

[Lee]

8 hours ago, Old55 said:

Several of the Filipinas who left their husband were those we thought would never leave. But they did. 

My concern is always with the kids produced during these May-Dec marriages. The chances of their fathers living until their 18th birthdays could be small. Who is going to take care of them? Dad passes lets say, mommy finds another, and the kids could find themselves kicked to the curb.

It's always seemed a bit selfish to me for an aged man to father children in situations like this. To each their own and good luck with your choices.

Edited Tuesday at 03:46 AM by Lee

[Imaginos]

13 hours ago, Lee said:

It's always seemed a bit selfish to me for an aged man to father children in situations like this. To each their own and good luck with your choices.

You got it backwards. It's the Filipina that desperately wants a baby with a foreigner for a myriad of reasons that causes the issue. Most aged fathers had the child thrust (pun intended) upon them.

[Lee]

6 hours ago, Imaginos said:

Most aged fathers had the child thrust (pun intended) upon them.

If the aged fathers had kept their thrusts (pun intended) to themselves (or use birth control) then the baby thing doesn't happen.

6 hours ago, Imaginos said:

It's the Filipina that desperately wants a baby with a foreigner for a myriad of reasons

Certainly. I liken this to male dogs marking their territory by pissing on car tires. LOL.

Edited Tuesday at 08:01 PM by Lee

[Clermont]

Three little phases I go by if you want to muck around with young women, they tell,they yell and they swell. Stick to the older women.