Meeting Online Or Boots On The Ground

[Mr Lee]

I am starting this type of topic again for members to discuss because I feel it is an important issue that really needs to be discussed now that we have a broader member base. There are always different thought on how to meet a lady and I would say that many, many, many of us have met our ladies via emails or in my case letters way back before they had emails and then the boots on the ground method, all of which work, but I am a fan of emails, letters and chats for a number of reasons and here is my thoughts on the subject.First of all thinking back on my wife and I, I would have never married her had it been just for our phone conversations and talking in person because I learned way more about her character and things about her in letters that she could not seem to communicate to me in person or on the phone when we tried to re discuss issues about our future, at least not until we got to know each other much better in person. So I would have missed out on a fantastic lady if it were only for the boots on the ground method or phone conversations. Not to mention that she was very old fashioned and never would have spoken to me if not introduced by someone and way back then that was the way and still is with many old fashioned ladies who would never let a man pick them up or maybe even respect a man who tried because of their culture. I remember my first visit and walking around the streets while walking around town and saying hello or good morning to ladies I met along the way and having them turn away from me and then a shop keeper asked me if I wanted to meet them and said that they would never talk to me unless introduced and that was the custom there. I of course said no and that I was just trying to be friendly and that I already had a great lady who I was going to marry and he just smiled and was happy to hear that and then just said have a nice day with a very big smile. I guess they all thought I was flirting with the ladies and that was the last thing on my mind. Next, I have spoken in person, emails, and chat to many, many Filipinos and Filipinas during my years, some single, some married and many of the women who are expats wives and gf's, as well as some relatives and I have come to the conclusion that many write much better than they communicate in person. One niece barely spoke to me in person but type chats online to me using pretty good English which amazes me. Now I am not saying all Filipinos because there are many very educated ladies and men but some of whom my wife and I still chat to, talk on the phone to, and in person to, and in email back and forth with and even some who are or have been teachers and two are married to friends of ours and one who has two sisters who are also teachers and I have sort of adopted those 3 as daughters and they call me dad and my wife mom because we are all just very close friends and I love them as if they were my own children, and I can tell you that we have all accomplished way more in chat and emails over time than in person and I am still amazed that we can discuss things in chat and emails that I feel a woman would probably never say face to face to a man because some things are just not said face to face or may be difficult to say face to face even to a dad or uncle, so they all obviously feel much more comfortable saying those things to me in chats and emails since at least two of them had also asked me to find them a good man as many women along the way since I met my wife seem to do. So now comes the boots on the ground and the online issue. Some of these same ladies which I consider to be great catches and one who is my niece and one of whom sister met her husband/my forum friend online on FH, have been listed on the dating sites and have not found the man of their dreams yet and I have introduced some of the single ladies to a few men and some have discounted them for one reason or another and are not interested if a man is too old even if he may be rich and seem to be only interested in having that special feeling about the man they wish to marry. So they are not scammers and are very picky and one is even in her 30's so she know that she may never find the right man but hopefully they will. So how will they meet them, maybe online or maybe when with us at a get together or dinner, when we invite a good foreigner who is looking for a good lady to meet us (as we often do) and also invite them to join us as (as we often do), or maybe at our home when other foreigners drop in or while walking the malls with us and we bunk into foreigners we know or, or, or. So boots on the ground will also work and if you also associate with other expats who are in a situation that you wish to be in such as happily married and who feel you are a good person once getting to know you via forums or in person, then that might help too, but so will online dating because I know for a fact that there are great ladies out there that I could marry in a heart beat if I was not happily married and while I am way too old for most of those ladies IMO, some often ask me if I could find someone just like me but hopefully younger, so meeting in person or online can work to get to better know a Filipina who IMO does not communicate the same way as we might while in person, even at times when very educated because English is often used differently and slang's are not taught in the Philippines. So IMO write and chat and if nothing else learn about the customs and culture with each new person you will meet along the way and you will learn something different from each person you meet just as in life and I say that from my past experiences, and also make plans to go and visit. My advice is to always be totally honest and to keep weeding out the scammers and keeping a manageable group to chat with at different times of the day or night by schedule and do not lie to any and then zero in on a few or like in my case eventually get down to just the one that I knew was special and then go visit her or them. I would also try to limit your search field to one, two or three sections of the Philippines depending on the amount of time that a person would be able to spend there, because the Philippines is quite large with 7107 islands to travel around, so maybe Metro Manila, Cebu City, Cagayan de Oro City to mention a few of the major areas that I know and which would be easy to visit, but there are many others and a person can research them and IMO stay away from the troubled regions deep in Mindanao because IMO it will be just as easy to meet a nice lady in a easy and totally safe place to visit as in a hard to get to and possibly dangerous place to visit, so pick one and work from there and put in your profile what you seek, such as college educated, or not, working would be a good idea IMO because it builds character and independence, maybe even mention hobbies or your field of work and try to find a lady that has similar hobbies, job or interests so you have something in common and then go from there. I wonder what other members might like to offer as advice to people who read this forum? What do you think about what I wrote above and what advice might you give to others who seek a good wife?

[FlyAway]

My wife and I communicated over a period of 5 years. First by letter, then by phone and internet. Your example of women not talking without introduction is how she was. She could be with a group of friends and guys would try to talk to her. She would not talk and was very shy. I would never have been able to walk up to her on the street and get a conversation going. She was scared to death meeting me at the Hong Kong airport. Surprisingly she came alone.As for her home town in Mindanao, I did have some safety concerns. She mentioned I would not get eaten. I also wrote a letter to her parents introducing myself. They wrote back with welcoming letters.There are a lot of OFW's out there, another source to consider. Lots of them in Hong Kong and Singapore. Many of them are very well educated. My wife was working in Hong Kong. She had been there for 12 years and developed a British Colonial accent. During our 5 years of communication, she never asked for money or anything.Just my 2 cents.

[Mr Lee]

My wife and I communicated over a period of 5 years. First by letter, then by phone and internet. Your example of women not talking without introduction is how she was. She could be with a group of friends and guys would try to talk to her. She would not talk and was very shy. I would never have been able to walk up to her on the street and get a conversation going. She was scared to death meeting me at the Hong Kong airport. Surprisingly she came alone.As for her home town in Mindanao, I did have some safety concerns. She mentioned I would not get eaten. I also wrote a letter to her parents introducing myself. They wrote back with welcoming letters.There are a lot of OFW's out there, another source to consider. Lots of them in Hong Kong and Singapore. Many of them are very well educated. My wife was working in Hong Kong. She had been there for 12 years and developed a British Colonial accent. During our 5 years of communication, she never asked for money or anything.Just my 2 cents.

And a great 2 cents it is because we all have different experiences and people can learn from them and not make the same ones we may have made or that they are going to make on their own, if they can read what others have done before them. None of what any of us have done may be the correct way or the wrong way, it is only the correct way that worked for us and therefore can be some sort of guide for others to try to use. I know plenty of guys who met the way my wife and I did and most worked out well and some did not and upon looking at why, some of the men were responsible and some of the men should have seen the warning signs ahead of time but they did not have forums or our experiences to use to guide them and maybe help them to miss a few of the speed bumps along the way and neither did I so I had to wing it and make my own mistakes along the way. If only I knew then what I know now, many things might have been different and I would have saved a fortune and better spent some of the money I did along the way.

[Steve]

I had met my wife online but we communicated via regular mail for a few years until right before we met the first time. We chatted on yahoo as that time got closer. Not once did she ever ask me for money. I knew that one year she wasn't going to be able to travel back from Cebu to Lanao Del Norte to visit family over Easter break and I wanted to send her money to do so. She kept telling me no and I had to keep asking her how much it would be but she never told me. After she finally gave in, I ended up sending P5k because at the time, I didn't know what the costs were. When I arrived the first time, she met me at the airport alone. I was surprised because I read that Filipinas would usually bring a friend or family member(s).

[oldutot]

I was introduced to my wife, from a Pinoy friend of mine. We were shipmates.

[Matt]

I have done both in the past, met someone online and also met someone here when i got here. The first girl i met was online, and we chatted and sent emails back and forth for about 6 months before i came over to meet her in Manila. Everything went well and i had a great time meeting her and her family. I went back home and carried on emailing and came back again six months later. Spent another 3 weeks with her, and was planning to come back again in 6 months, but this never happened, because 3 weeks before i was due out again she made a confession that she had met someone else, another forienger. What made this worse was the fact that she had started dating him before i was last out there. But at least she had the decency to finally tell me. So i thought to myself next time i will wait until i get over here, which is exactly what i did. When i moved to Cebu, i did not know any girl here. I waited to get to the town of Dalaguete, where i met my partner. It was extremely slow going at first as she was very shy of me, and would not even look at me for a month. But over time quite sometime, her confidence grew and now we are in an excellent relationship. I liked the fact that she was shy at first with any forienger and she still is a bit when she first meets them, but she has got a lot better over time. Her father was also very sceptical of me, and did not trust me one little bit with his daughter at first. He thought i would be sleeping around and hurting her, but again over time his perception of me changed and he now thinks of me as another son. I also have never been asked for money from either the previous girl, or my girl "Claire" now. We intend to get married this year, and she started college to become a teacher last year. This is because i want her to have a good education and have something to do with her life. I made that decision, she never asked, but she really enjoys it. There is only 12years difference between us, and i have many many years to go I hope. There are advantages to emailing, but i have found that now we been seeing each other for a long time, there is nothing that we cannot talk about. We both know each other very well, and we will talk about everything, feelings, future ect. We do live together now, and share all the household chores. I never wanted a live in maid, but someone i could share my life with. And in the end have our own family, as i have yet to get married or have any children of my own. I am truly happy with what i have got, and how i went about it. Well that is my 2 cents aswell. lol.

[Jake]

I was introduced to my wife, from a Pinoy friend of mine. We were shipmates.

Hello Oldutot,Great looking family you have there -- as a fellow Pinoy, I'm anxious to hear more about you.Respectfully -- Joaquin (Jake)

[Mr Lee]

I have done both in the past, met someone online and also met someone here when i got here. The first girl i met was online, and we chatted and sent emails back and forth for about 6 months before i came over to meet her in Manila. Everything went well and i had a great time meeting her and her family. I went back home and carried on emailing and came back again six months later. Spent another 3 weeks with her, and was planning to come back again in 6 months, but this never happened, because 3 weeks before i was due out again she made a confession that she had met someone else, another forienger. What made this worse was the fact that she had started dating him before i was last out there. But at least she had the decency to finally tell me. So i thought to myself next time i will wait until i get over here, which is exactly what i did. When i moved to Cebu, i did not know any girl here. I waited to get to the town of Dalaguete, where i met my partner. It was extremely slow going at first as she was very shy of me, and would not even look at me for a month. But over time quite sometime, her confidence grew and now we are in an excellent relationship. I liked the fact that she was shy at first with any forienger and she still is a bit when she first meets them, but she has got a lot better over time. Her father was also very sceptical of me, and did not trust me one little bit with his daughter at first. He thought i would be sleeping around and hurting her, but again over time his perception of me changed and he now thinks of me as another son. I also have never been asked for money from either the previous girl, or my girl "Claire" now. We intend to get married this year, and she started college to become a teacher last year. This is because i want her to have a good education and have something to do with her life. I made that decision, she never asked, but she really enjoys it. There is only 12years difference between us, and i have many many years to go I hope. There are advantages to emailing, but i have found that now we been seeing each other for a long time, there is nothing that we cannot talk about. We both know each other very well, and we will talk about everything, feelings, future ect. We do live together now, and share all the household chores. I never wanted a live in maid, but someone i could share my life with. And in the end have our own family, as i have yet to get married or have any children of my own. I am truly happy with what i have got, and how i went about it. Well that is my 2 cents aswell. lol.

Matt, what you are saying could happen to anyone, and no matter how they met the lady. The problem often is that many ladies want to get married and I suspect by your post that you did not commit to marriage. I was once told that with the majority of ladies, it will be the first one to pop the question and even before that it will be the first one to get to the Philippines and meet her and make plans for a lifetime together. I am not saying what you did was wrong or what she did could be justified, I am just saying those seem to be the facts of life for many of the ladies and probably more so with ladies on the Internet or ladies in big cities. Oh, and most ladies feel that once you meet their family then you either ask them to marry you or they will find someone who will. Meeting parents is the first step to marriage from all I have learned and been told over time.

[Matt]

I have done both in the past, met someone online and also met someone here when i got here. The first girl i met was online, and we chatted and sent emails back and forth for about 6 months before i came over to meet her in Manila. Everything went well and i had a great time meeting her and her family. I went back home and carried on emailing and came back again six months later. Spent another 3 weeks with her, and was planning to come back again in 6 months, but this never happened, because 3 weeks before i was due out again she made a confession that she had met someone else, another forienger. What made this worse was the fact that she had started dating him before i was last out there. But at least she had the decency to finally tell me. So i thought to myself next time i will wait until i get over here, which is exactly what i did. When i moved to Cebu, i did not know any girl here. I waited to get to the town of Dalaguete, where i met my partner. It was extremely slow going at first as she was very shy of me, and would not even look at me for a month. But over time quite sometime, her confidence grew and now we are in an excellent relationship. I liked the fact that she was shy at first with any forienger and she still is a bit when she first meets them, but she has got a lot better over time. Her father was also very sceptical of me, and did not trust me one little bit with his daughter at first. He thought i would be sleeping around and hurting her, but again over time his perception of me changed and he now thinks of me as another son. I also have never been asked for money from either the previous girl, or my girl "Claire" now. We intend to get married this year, and she started college to become a teacher last year. This is because i want her to have a good education and have something to do with her life. I made that decision, she never asked, but she really enjoys it. There is only 12years difference between us, and i have many many years to go I hope. There are advantages to emailing, but i have found that now we been seeing each other for a long time, there is nothing that we cannot talk about. We both know each other very well, and we will talk about everything, feelings, future ect. We do live together now, and share all the household chores. I never wanted a live in maid, but someone i could share my life with. And in the end have our own family, as i have yet to get married or have any children of my own. I am truly happy with what i have got, and how i went about it. Well that is my 2 cents aswell. lol.

Matt, what you are saying could happen to anyone, and no matter how they met the lady. The problem often is that many ladies want to get married and I suspect by your post that you did not commit to marriage. I was once told that with the majority of ladies, it will be the first one to pop the question and even before that it will be the first one to get to the Philippines and meet her and make plans for a lifetime together. I am not saying what you did was wrong or what she did could be justified, I am just saying those seem to be the facts of life for many of the ladies and probably more so with ladies on the Internet or ladies in big cities. Oh, and most ladies feel that once you meet their family then you either ask them to marry you or they will find someone who will. Meeting parents is the first step to marriage from all I have learned and been told over time.

Hi Mr Lee, your quite right what happened to me with the first girl, could happen to anyone no matter how they met. I was just unlucky i think, but i did commit to marraige, as we got engaged on the second trip there. I am not angry with her, on the contrary we are back in touch as friends only this time though.

[til]

I think there is no right or wrong way to meet your future spouse. You always have to be wary of the gold diggers, and I'm sure their activities are not restricted to the Internet.So it depends on your personality where you look and I would just say don't try to hard to find someone.And also I think you should have enough knowledge of human nature to weed out the obvious scammers.Personally I thought the internet was helpful to get used to the Filipina character, how they can be nice and say your gwapo and "it's up to you" etc. even when all they want is your moneyIt sort of immunized me against that sort of sweet talk and I got more drawn to girls who would stand their ground and speak their own mind instead of just trying to be nice.