Mr Lee Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Seems every time we meet another Filipina one of the first questions is to ask us how many children we have and just the other day when sitting around with friends, one lady asked a friend and his fianc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheMason Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Seems every time we meet another Filipina one of the first questions is to ask us how many children we have and just the other day when sitting around with friends, one lady asked a friend and his fianc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gold Heart Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 (edited) Seems every time we meet another Filipina one of the first questions is to ask us how many children we have and just the other day when sitting around with friends, one lady asked a friend and his fiancée about having children. Sometimes this is very awkward because I had a vasectomy and Nila accepted me but I am sure it was very hard on her and even harder on her every time we met someone who would ask that question and to this day they always ask and it seem to happen much more in the Philippines and when traveling than in the states, so I am wondering if others have had this happen to them and how they handled it. I hope you don't find it offensive because it is a natural question -- especially here. Love and marriage equal children, The order to go forth and multiply -- regardless of whether you can afford them. Its a natural question when you see two young people who love each other. No one knows about your condition. I have children and find it equally weird when people ask me when I will have another. -- You gotta be kidding!!! You should really take it as a compliment attributed to your youthful appearance, your obvious loving relationship with Nilla, and the fact you have all of what it would take to be a great father. When asked about having another, I simply say we have chosen to have one child and are very happy. I suspect you could just explain having no children is your choice as well. Edited February 16, 2010 by Gold Heart Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom in Texas Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Seems every time we meet another Filipina one of the first questions is to ask us how many children we have... Sometimes this is very awkward because I had a vasectomy... so I am wondering if others have had this happen to them and how they handled it. Bing and I get this question also... Depending on who is asking, we give different answers.1) I was 50 when we married. We would like to have children, but we didn't feel it would be fair to Bing to run the risk that I would not live long enough to help her raise the child to maturity.2) I was 50 when we married. We would like to have children, but we didn't feel it would be fair to children to have a Dad old enough to be their grandfather and who would likely not be there for them much past high school.3) I spent the last 30 years of my life raising children, I was not willing to do it over again from age 50 to 80.4) There are many things Bing and I would like to do over the next 20 years, and we decided we were not willing to make the sacrifices necessary to start and raise a family.5) There are many children in the Philippines who desperately need our emotional and financial support, and who will give us love and much happiness in return, and we have chosen to help these children rather than to have children ourselves. 6) Due to unhappy experiences Bing had as a child, she does not want to have children.7) I have had a vasectomy. Had it done at age 30 as soon as my second child was born. 8) None of your business.All are true, but 6, 7 and 8 are seldom given... because 6 and 7 are none of their business, and 8 is unnecessarily rude.Tom in Big D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singers Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 (edited) Seems every time we meet another Filipina one of the first questions is to ask us how many children we have and just the other day when sitting around with friends, one lady asked a friend and his fiancée about having children. Sometimes this is very awkward because I had a vasectomy and Nila accepted me but I am sure it was very hard on her and even harder on her every time we met someone who would ask that question and to this day they always ask and it seem to happen much more in the Philippines and when traveling than in the states, so I am wondering if others have had this happen to them and how they handled it. I hope you don't find it offensive because it is a natural question -- especially here. Love and marriage equal children, The order to go forth and multiply -- regardless of whether you can afford them. Its a natural question when you see two young people who love each other. No one knows about your condition. I have children and find it equally weird when people ask me when I will have another. -- You gotta be kidding!!! You should really take it as a compliment attributed to your youthful appearance, your obvious loving relationship with Nilla, and the fact you have all of what it would take to be a great father. When asked about having another, I simply say we have chosen to have one child and are very happy. I suspect you could just explain having no children is your choice as well.I told Tex, when we first met, that I had been "Snipped" after the birth of my second son. When asked about us having children is was tricky initially.There is also an emotional element as Cristina would love to have children and I find this attitude prevalent among, family loving, Filipina. VERY - very easy to find a "RoundEye" who would hate the restrictions a child would impose on their selfish "Little Domain".I did the GP and hospital Consultant bit in UK to please Tex but the Consultant's information on the "pain" and very poor chance of a successful Vacectomy "reversal" changed her mind. I take the question as a compliment as in the above post. The simplest inoffensive and pleasing answer I came up with is "Thank you - We are trying". Most likely we may not meet them again and this reply pleases.Tom Edited February 16, 2010 by Singers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gold Heart Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Seems every time we meet another Filipina one of the first questions is to ask us how many children we have... Sometimes this is very awkward because I had a vasectomy... so I am wondering if others have had this happen to them and how they handled it. Bing and I get this question also... Depending on who is asking, we give different answers.1) I was 50 when we married. We would like to have children, but we didn't feel it would be fair to Bing to run the risk that I would not live long enough to help her raise the child to maturity.2) I was 50 when we married. We would like to have children, but we didn't feel it would be fair to children to have a Dad old enough to be their grandfather and who would likely not be there for them much past high school.3) I spent the last 30 years of my life raising children, I was not willing to do it over again from age 50 to 80.4) There are many things Bing and I would like to do over the next 20 years, and we decided we were not willing to make the sacrifices necessary to start and raise a family.5) There are many children in the Philippines who desperately need our emotional and financial support, and who will give us love and much happiness in return, and we have chosen to help these children rather than to have children ourselves. 6) Due to unhappy experiences Bing had as a child, she does not want to have children.7) I have had a vasectomy. Had it done at age 30 as soon as my second child was born. 8) None of your business.All are true, but 6, 7 and 8 are seldom given... because 6 and 7 are none of their business, and 8 is unnecessarily rude.Tom in Big DTom, I can relate to many of the items that led to your decision but reached a different conclusion. This is an individual decision that one should make with thorough analysis and responsible concern. It was a grueling decision for me and your rationale reminded of what I went through. There is no right or wrong. I don't think you were suggesting that older fathers are unfair to their wives or irresponsible. I mentioned to Mr. Lee that I was inspired by hearing the words of older fathers, people like Michael Douglas, Paul McCartney, Don Imus, David Letterman, et al. They related how enjoyable it it is to have children the 2nd time around or later in life. I don't know if you have heard any of them talk about their children -- there is such a glow and happiness in their words. At the same time, I did not want to leave my wife without the experience of motherhood somehow feeling unfulfilled and regretful . I am finding as many older fathers do, that this experience is much more enjoyable and rewarding than my first by far for a significant number of reasons, primarily of which is my priorities. career, home, other things are behind me. Although sometimes a pain, our child is a huge source of joy for us. Life is uncertain and there are always risks which are higher for us that are older. With 1/2 the marriages in the US ending in divorce there are far more mothers raising children alone and there are also a lot of unwed mothers here and there and many families losing fathers in the US wars. With all I have done to ensure they are provided for, I think they will be okay. I also hope to be there for much of his life as I can while taking advantage of these formative years to make a huge difference. The best answer, I think is always that we make these decision together for our own priorities, interests, and happiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Lee Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Seems every time we meet another Filipina one of the first questions is to ask us how many children we have and just the other day when sitting around with friends, one lady asked a friend and his fianc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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