Bad Situation

[softail]

I've read a lot of threads on different forums the last few years since I have developed an interest in the RP and Filipina women. Many of the threads have centered on how not to get taken advantage by the lady but there is also another side of the story that I really have not seen addressed much. What can happen to the lady when the foreigner takes her home to his country. I have a situation in my extended family where a Filipina is being abused and taken through advantage of.A little over a year ago my wife and I were visiting her family and at the same time my family member was visiting the Filipina that he had been chatting with for a few months. We invited them to come stay with us for a couple of days since we were going to be having a family reunion and we thought they might like to attend. At that time the whole family noticed the he was showing no affection whatsoever to the lady and that she was holding on to his arm most of the time and he was totally ignoring he for the most part. Well after his single 21 day visit he came home and petitioned her on a K1 visa.Fast forward to the present. A couple of months ago we got a brief opportunity to see the girl for the first time and she let it be known to my wife that things were not going well at all. My wife gave her our phone # and E-Mail addy and told her to contact us when her husband wasn't around so they could talk. That was a couple of months ago and we hadn't heard anything from her so a couple of days ago we stopped by to see how she was doing while the husband was at work. The lady is freezing with no winter clothes to wear.He only let's her eat once a day and keeps no food in the house.He won't let her turn the heat on .She can't turn the lights on or use the sewing machine.He won't buy her sanitary napkins to use. Told her there were plenty of rags around the house to use.He won't put her on his medical insurance at work and told her if she gets sick not to expect him to pay for anything.He times her in the shower so she doesn't use to much water.It turns out that she didn't contact us because he goes thru her things and found our contact information and ripped it up. We all went over to the neighbors and visited there. They have been very nice to her and have been feeding her and helping her out in every way that they can. For our part we told her if she would like we will contact an immigration attorney that I know and we would arrange at our expense a visit to him and see what her status would be if she were to leave him. Also we told her that we would be more than happy to have her come stay with us until things got sorted out. However it is HER marriage and HER decision. We are only a phone call away. We are afraid to confront the husband for fear that things will get worse and we could mess up her immigration status at this point since she hasn't received her green card and to be honest I am not sure how it all would play out.I just thought I would bring up that there are two sides of the coin and that the Filipina can also end up in trouble as well. Can be totally isolated in a country and culture that they don't understand totally dependent on a person that just might not be interested in there well being.Doug and Sally

[Mr Lee]

I've read a lot of threads on different forums the last few years since I have developed an interest in the RP and Filipina women. Many of the threads have centered on how not to get taken advantage by the lady but there is also another side of the story that I really have not seen addressed much. What can happen to the lady when the foreigner takes her home to his country. I have a situation in my extended family where a Filipina is being abused and taken through advantage of.A little over a year ago my wife and I were visiting her family and at the same time my family member was visiting the Filipina that he had been chatting with for a few months. We invited them to come stay with us for a couple of days since we were going to be having a family reunion and we thought they might like to attend. At that time the whole family noticed the he was showing no affection whatsoever to the lady and that she was holding on to his arm most of the time and he was totally ignoring he for the most part. Well after his single 21 day visit he came home and petitioned her on a K1 visa.Fast forward to the present. A couple of months ago we got a brief opportunity to see the girl for the first time and she let it be known to my wife that things were not going well at all. My wife gave her our phone # and E-Mail addy and told her to contact us when her husband wasn't around so they could talk. That was a couple of months ago and we hadn't heard anything from her so a couple of days ago we stopped by to see how she was doing while the husband was at work. The lady is freezing with no winter clothes to wear.He only let's her eat once a day and keeps no food in the house.He won't let her turn the heat on .She can't turn the lights on or use the sewing machine.He won't buy her sanitary napkins to use. Told her there were plenty of rags around the house to use.He won't put her on his medical insurance at work and told her if she gets sick not to expect him to pay for anything.He times her in the shower so she doesn't use to much water.It turns out that she didn't contact us because he goes thru her things and found our contact information and ripped it up. We all went over to the neighbors and visited there. They have been very nice to her and have been feeding her and helping her out in every way that they can. For our part we told her if she would like we will contact an immigration attorney that I know and we would arrange at our expense a visit to him and see what her status would be if she were to leave him. Also we told her that we would be more than happy to have her come stay with us until things got sorted out. However it is HER marriage and HER decision. We are only a phone call away. We are afraid to confront the husband for fear that things will get worse and we could mess up her immigration status at this point since she hasn't received her green card and to be honest I am not sure how it all would play out.I just thought I would bring up that there are two sides of the coin and that the Filipina can also end up in trouble as well. Can be totally isolated in a country and culture that they don't understand totally dependent on a person that just might not be interested in there well being.Doug and Sally

Very good point to bring up and there are often both things that can happen. As for her status and green card, if the guy is that cheap, then it is a good bet that he never even applied for a change of status. I would look into that if I were you. Yes it is her marriage but she must know that she has rights too. An abused wife in the US can get the rights to stay and the items you have pointed out are all signs of severe abuse and especially him withholding food and heat from her. She and you should contact an immigration lawyer immediately and tell him the things you have posted here and if her neighbor can attest to her having been the one to feed her then that would explain why she has not wasted away when she appears in her hearing. I have heard of these things often and back before I met my wife, one lady wrote to me and asked me to check on her sister because the family had not heard from her since she arrived in the US. I called the number the lady gave me and I could hear a Filipina in the background but the guy said she was not home and would not let me talk to her. I tried a few times with the same results. I am not sure if he was just very jealous or too controlling and did not want her to have any outside contact. There was not much I could do except call the local authorities and tell them that I suspected the woman was being held against her will. I never heard much more about it because the lady in the Philippines stopped contacting me. Maybe my call cause worse problems, so this happens and when the ladies go to the class before they leave the Philippines, they are given an 800 phone number to memorize and call if such a thing happens to them and since this lady and the lady you are talking about did not make the call then there is little we can do to intervene but I do hope you can help her.

[TheMason]

My reply assumes that the story the girl is telling is true and taken at face value. However, there are usually at least 2 sides to every story.Having said that, I love it when the American spouse threatens to have his wife deported if she doesn't tow the line. The fact is, he CANNOT have her deported because they are having marital problems. The only way to get her deported is to prove that she entered the marriage for the sole purpose of getting a green card. The fact they are living together as husband and wife with no green card pretty much shoots down that theory.In many cases like this, the woman can claim abuse and have her immigration fees waived by USCIS. She can contact them, explain the situation, and see what they say. The US spouses assisstance is NOT required for her to get her adjustment of status and green card. She can file the paperwork with or without his assistance.The other thing to remember is that the American spouse signed a legal document stating he would financially support his spouse for a period of 10 years or until she gets US citizenship. He'll wind up paying for her support whether she lives with him or not. In addition to the immigration documents he signed, I doubt that a divorce court would look favorably at his behavior.The law looks upon women in her situation very favorably. If she decides to take legal action, this guy is totally screwed.

[softail]

My reply assumes that the story the girl is telling is true and taken at face value. However, there are usually at least 2 sides to every story.Having said that, I love it when the American spouse threatens to have his wife deported if she doesn't tow the line. The fact is, he CANNOT have her deported because they are having marital problems. The only way to get her deported is to prove that she entered the marriage for the sole purpose of getting a green card. The fact they are living together as husband and wife with no green card pretty much shoots down that theory.In many cases like this, the woman can claim abuse and have her immigration fees waived by USCIS. She can contact them, explain the situation, and see what they say. The US spouses assisstance is NOT required for her to get her adjustment of status and green card. She can file the paperwork with or without his assistance.The other thing to remember is that the American spouse signed a legal document stating he would financially support his spouse for a period of 10 years or until she gets US citizenship. He'll wind up paying for her support whether she lives with him or not. In addition to the immigration documents he signed, I doubt that a divorce court would look favorably at his behavior.The law looks upon women in her situation very favorably. If she decides to take legal action, this guy is totally screwed.

Thank you very much for your response, I know this person very well and there is no doubt that he is totally capable of this kind of behavior. Also the fact that the neighbors are for the most part taking care of her basic needs lends credibility to the story. Another fact that gives the story credibility to the story is the fact that my father send $50 dollars with us to give to her and she wouldn

[Jake]

Hello Doug and Sally,In this global economic problem, it is unfortunate that more and more women are seeking thegolden egg out of desperation. As you may know, even European women like from Russia arefalling victims to sponsors that have hidden agendas or questionable backgrounds. Are there any sort of check and balance that could reveal these low life and perverts as wellas the female scammers?Out of respect for you and Sally, we really admire your concern and wish you the best of luckin taking care of your friend. You both have a heart of gold.Our prayers are with you -- Jake and Judy

[TheMason]

My reply assumes that the story the girl is telling is true and taken at face value. However, there are usually at least 2 sides to every story.Having said that, I love it when the American spouse threatens to have his wife deported if she doesn't tow the line. The fact is, he CANNOT have her deported because they are having marital problems. The only way to get her deported is to prove that she entered the marriage for the sole purpose of getting a green card. The fact they are living together as husband and wife with no green card pretty much shoots down that theory.In many cases like this, the woman can claim abuse and have her immigration fees waived by USCIS. She can contact them, explain the situation, and see what they say. The US spouses assisstance is NOT required for her to get her adjustment of status and green card. She can file the paperwork with or without his assistance.The other thing to remember is that the American spouse signed a legal document stating he would financially support his spouse for a period of 10 years or until she gets US citizenship. He'll wind up paying for her support whether she lives with him or not. In addition to the immigration documents he signed, I doubt that a divorce court would look favorably at his behavior.The law looks upon women in her situation very favorably. If she decides to take legal action, this guy is totally screwed.

Thank you very much for your response, I know this person very well and there is no doubt that he is totally capable of this kind of behavior. Also the fact that the neighbors are for the most part taking care of her basic needs lends credibility to the story. Another fact that gives the story credibility to the story is the fact that my father send $50 dollars with us to give to her and she wouldn't take it for fear that he would find it and ask questions. If what you say is true about his obligation to take care of her for the next 10 years then she is in a very good position if she decides to take us up on our offer to help.Thanks againDoug and Sally

To clarify, I'm referring to the I-864 (or its equivalent if she has a fiancee visa). This is the form the US citizen must file showing that they have income/assests of at least 125% the US poverty level. In the event the immigrant goes on public assisstance, the govt. can take action to recover the costof the benefits granted from the US citizen sponsor. So, the husband won't have to pay her directly unless its part of a divorce settlement, but the govt. can go after any income/assets listed on the I-864 that was filed as part of the original visa application. The I-864 obligation is not ended by divorce. The only things that end the sponsor's obligation are the immigrants leaving the country and renouncing their visa (or having it revoked), the immigrant obtains US citizenship, or the immigrant or sponsor dies.

[Sampaguita]

My husband and I have met a lot of Filipina / American mixed marriages while in the US and I can honesty say that I do not think any of them were scams on either side but some were not happy marriages for one reason or another and that was more about the people picking the wrong partner than anyone trying to scam the other person. A spoiled Filipina or a foolish American, either can end in divorce.