Are We To Old To Be Having Children

[manabouttown]

Not sure if this is the best section to post this but here goes.Recently a group of us expats had a debate about marrying,age and children.What are members views on an older man marrying a Filipina and having children with her? Could a fifty or so year old be to old to raise kids?Our debate got into us dieing and the children having no father,then there was the enjoyment of life,would you like to be tied down to raising a family or would a retired life be best with no kids?I just though it would be an interesting topic to see what others views are on this. :36_1_68[1]:

[Demeter]

I have seen, met a lot of expats with very young partners. Most of these expats have had vasectomy and only very few are open to the idea of having it reversed. Some of the women married to these expats are hoping they would soon get pregnant. I think, if an expat is looking forward to enjoying his retirement to the fullest and does not want to have the responsibility of raising kids, then he should be honest with his woman in the first place. He should also ask the woman prior to marrying her if she wants to have children. I just find it too unfair on the part of the woman if her husband lies to her about this ( I personally know someone who has never told his wife that he could not make her pregnant anymore.) Most Filipinas want to have children and if they are married to men who have had vasectomy, these women lose their chance of becoming a mother. Women who are past their child-bearing stage will have difficulty conceiving and marrying someone who have had vasectomy will make it impossible.So, I guess, it depends on what you want, what your partner wants and how healthy you are ( if you're still fit and will live longer for your kids.)

[cebuexpat]

My Views areWhat right do I have to question or say anything about what age people marry or have relationships or sex... I dont agree with under 18, but anything more than that, if both parties are willing, and thats what they want, who am I to say or do anything about it. I am not them. So I agree with the age issue, no matter if its old man young woman, or old woman and young man. If they like it and it does not hurt another party, let them go for it.. As far as having kids, thats everyone's own personal opinion. I myself dont like children. I raised two children in the USA, that was enough for me. I told my partner before I dont like kids, nor do I want anymore kids. If they are willing to accept me, then that is great. If they are not, then I understand also.About the being to old to be a father, well your never to old to do anything that you want. If you would die and leave the child fatherless, I am sure someone will replace you in a short while.. I would be more concerned what i could pass on and teach them through my life experiences and give them what was inside me as best as i could for as long as I could... Remember a foreign fatherless child is still better off here than just a fatherless child. So you would not be leaving nothing behind. You would be leaving your legacy and your support, and material things in which you have accumulated over your life..... As far as enjoying life, that is the one of the reasons I do not want more children... I have raised my two, done my job, put in my 25 years. So now its my time. I worked, raised a family, done that.. My wife run oft, my children got married and jobs... So I come here for my turn... As I said before, I make that well known to my partner before and at the beginning..... One more thing I have noticed here in PI. I would say a very small percent have children to be a mother, or a planned parenthood. It more of a culture thing is to have them so they will take care of you later in life, or lack of birth control.... Most of the Filipina's I have spoken with, when I ask them why would they want children they will reply I am past 20 or 25 and I should have a child, its just normal here......

[Gold Heart]

Not sure if this is the best section to post this but here goes.Recently a group of us expats had a debate about marrying,age and children.What are members views on an older man marrying a Filipina and having children with her? Could a fifty or so year old be to old to raise kids?Our debate got into us dieing and the children having no father,then there was the enjoyment of life,would you like to be tied down to raising a family or would a retired life be best with no kids?I just though it would be an interesting topic to see what others views are on this.

I can respond with a different insight than those so far as I fall in this category. We had our son when I was over 50. I did this with a great deal of thought and consideration. I am not an inrresponsible person, in fact consider myself quite the opposite. I understand the responsibility that comes with being a father. The most significant is the financial responsibility. The cost of raising a child and putting one through to college is significant. Do you or will you have the resources to provide? The second consideration is, Will you be there to share in the responsibility of raising the child. No one can count on this with certainty, no matter how young you are. There is a risk of early death or accident. Half the marriages in the US end in divorce. The number of single parents raising children is signficant both in the US and the Philippines. Raising a child as a single parent can be done and is not a major impairment for the child --- more than 1/2 of his peers will be there too. What I find to be an interesting consideration is that older fathers, even though the time with the child may be shorter, spend quality time. The time of my first son was divided with other priorities, advancing my career, getting a home, building a life. The time with my new son is not as divided. The home, career, job, etc is behind me and he gets more of my focused time and attention. I observed the experiences of other older fathers many of them celebrities: Michael Douglas, Paul McCartner, Don Imus, David Letterman, et al. You could witness the special joy and great love that they all had having children late in their lives. They are in a special category of course where they don't have to worry about the financial responsibilities. If you have addressed the primary financial and support responsibility, Another important consideration was my wife. Would she be happy, have regrets or feel unfulfilled without the experience of motherhood? All of us want to bring our wives happiness if it can be done.Finally, for us and for many others, a child enriches our life and experience (at the younger ages in particular). Our child has brought us much joy watching him grow and learn and share. We enjoy spending time together -- sometimes more fun than just the two us. He makes us laugh at least 10 times a day. (he also makes us yell). I know this will change when teenage years come. One of the great things about being in the Philippines is the broad access to affordable help. Therefore, there are less contraints on freedom to have time alone or together with your wife or do what you want when you want. You can do it all! Retired with a child and have fun and enjoy. It all depends on your planning and financial resources. Recognize, fatherhood in the Phippines means something different. Many have children and don't think about the finances to support them and don't care. I could never do that. I had to ensure that I could provide lifetime financial security for our family when I'm gone.

[Guest KlausB]

There is no specific answer i guess. One is as much old as he feels to be. For myself i decided not raising a child anymore. I raised 2 in Germany and they are adults already. But this question, is one of them you can answer only by yourself together with your wife. If you feel like it, just do it and be good parents. If you don't feel like it, just don't do it. Even the temptation might be high. But as i said, it's hard to give any advices at this subject.But i wanted to share my personal sight on this matter.

[Mr Lee]

The only advice I can give to people is to be honest from the start, I did and my lady accepted it and is now my wife and has been for almost 16 years, but I can tell you that it was very hard on her during the initial years of our marriage because every Filipina she met during our years of marriage has always asked how many children we have and usually in the first couple of words spoken, and then then always go on to say what beautiful children we would have made. IMO if you live in the Philippines then it will be extra hard on your lady because she will probably hear it day in and day out and she may not be able to deal with it if she is not a very strong and independent woman, fortunately my wife is and has been able to deal with it all these years. IMO family pressure and peer pressure will probably be unbearable for many younger women to not be influenced by, and some might crack under the strain and try to trick people into having a child.Make sure up front that your lady says it, fully understands what it means and really accepts it, when she agrees to not have children.

[tom_shor]

For sure honesty is the best policy in this regard. If not having children is a problem it is really better for both to move on and find someone else. You can hide things for a while but if you lie about this she will almost always find out eventually. That is when the big trouble can start. As for the other I don't have any children but my grandson lived with me for two and a half years after he was born. So in a houseful of women I more or less became his dad. I found I had much more patience and understanding with him than I had for my own when they were small. ( Sorry kids but we all know it's true) So it seems to me you can be a good parent even being older than the norm. As for moving on while they are still young. That is possible but young parents can die before your kids grow up as well. Just make a plan to provide for them.