Family Closeness, Can It Also Be A Bad Thing?

[Mr Lee]

One of the complaints that I have heard from expats whose ladies (either girlfriends or wives), who had children from before their relationship or even some who now have children of their own, is that the wife likes to have the child sleep with her (them) and we all know that can get in the way of a good relationship  :yes: and could even end up getting a person in trouble if the child were to say the father touched them inappropriately, even when it may not have been true. So I wonder how members in that situation have dealt with this issue and has it affected their relationships? Sometimes when children grow up in a very small home in the provinces of the Philippines, in my own experiences many of the family sleep in one room or even in rooms where the walls do not go to the ceiling, and when my wife and I have slept in some of our families homes, that is how we even slept and that surely was not conducive to  :-kiss:  any type of sexual relationship on my part  :23_11_62[1]:  because I grew up where privacy was always the way it was and now it seems to be more communal when we are with family, and that just does not work for me.  :o :angry:  Any comments?

[OldUgly&Cranky]

Hi lee good question you asked there ! i can tell you in our small house we have 2 bedrooms the oldest girl gets her own room ( coz at her age she wants her privacy ) and we sleep in our own room the boy we bought a fold out bed so that when its time for us to sleep he stays there ! i just set that rule right from the start and was honest with my g/f and i said theres no need for him to sleep in our bed my g/f understands and so far its worked out no bad feelings from the boy , my g/f , or the girl !! now i dont stay there long term right now but when i do, i will talk to my g/f about it and make sure she understands that we sleep alone at night !! when im there on a more perm. period of time !!!!! also we bought a lock for our bedroom door and when we go to bed we lock it and both kids know when the doors locked dont disturbe !! as i said its worked out for us so far , i guess as long as ur upfront from the start and honest to her letting her know that you dont like it im sure she will understand !! it will prob take a little time for them to get adjusted to it but just bribe them a little with chocolate or a bag of piatos !!! :23_11_62[1]: after a bit of time they will forget there not sleeping beside nanay :angry: OldUgly&Cranky :-kiss:

[Mr Lee]

Hi lee good question you asked there ! i can tell you in our small house we have 2 bedrooms the oldest girl gets her own room ( coz at her age she wants her privacy ) and we sleep in our own room the boy we bought a fold out bed so that when its time for us to sleep he stays there ! i just set that rule right from the start and was honest with my g/f and i said theres no need for him to sleep in our bed my g/f understands and so far its worked out no bad feelings from the boy , my g/f , or the girl !! now i dont stay there long term right now but when i do, i will talk to my g/f about it and make sure she understands that we sleep alone at night !! when im there on a more perm. period of time !!!!! also we bought a lock for our bedroom door and when we go to bed we lock it and both kids know when the doors locked dont disturbe !! as i said its worked out for us so far , i guess as long as ur upfront from the start and honest to her letting her know that you dont like it im sure she will understand !! it will prob take a little time for them to get adjusted to it but just bribe them a little with chocolate or a bag of piatos !!! :angry: after a bit of time they will forget there not sleeping beside nanay :-kiss: OldUgly&Cranky :yes:

Thanks for that reply and I hope others will also chime in. I find it amazing that there are so many children in the Philippines in the first place when I know that I could not, or would not have sex with my wife while we were staying in some of  her families homes where others either slept in the same room or the walls did not go all the way to the ceiling. One brother in Mindanao where we stay more often when visiting her other family, must have felt the same way because he built himself a wood platform bed off the floor and a private room that he lets us stay in while there and that is our place of choice to sleep when out that way but no locks on any of the house doors so we have had to warn everyone that no one enters our room without knocking and then us replying and so far that has worked. When we have stayed at another sisters house the wall is only 6 foot high and the ceiling is much higher, so no fun for us while we are staying with them   :o  and also because that room only has a curtain on it and no door. I guess it goes without saying that we do not stay at that sisters house for long periods of time.   :23_11_62[1]:  We do not have children but I can only imagine if we did, and lived that lifestyle, how I would suffer from lack of anything if they did sleep in the same room.    Oh and a question from me, how can anyone moan and groan sounds of enjoyment when they are sleeping so close with others, maybe silent enjoyment for most? but what fun is that.  

[Jake]

Hey guys,Yeah, I hear ya -- it's a kill joy without privacy but it's a cultural thing where you may have2-3 generations living under one roof. One thing I could suggest is to check into a motel for24 hours. Judy and I did just that whenever we go to Manila. Sort of like a mini-honeymoonaway from the kids. Victoria Court in Pasay, Manila was our all time favorite.As far as moans and groans -- I need to talk to my wife about that. She could wake up thedead and have the dogs barking late at night he, he.DOM forever -- Jake

[Jollygoodfellow]

Hey guys,Yeah, I hear ya -- it's a kill joy without privacy but it's a cultural thing where you may have2-3 generations living under one roof. One thing I could suggest is to check into a motel for24 hours. Judy and I did just that whenever we go to Manila. Sort of like a mini-honeymoonaway from the kids. Victoria Court in Pasay, Manila was our all time favorite.As far as moans and groans -- I need to talk to my wife about that. She could wake up thedead and have the dogs barking late at night he, he.DOM forever -- Jake

Crikey as they say in Australia,too much information :23_11_62[1]:

As far as moans and groans -- I need to talk to my wife about that. She could wake up thedead and have the dogs barking late at night he, he.

[MikeB]

Hey guys,Yeah, I hear ya -- it's a kill joy without privacy but it's a cultural thing where you may have2-3 generations living under one roof. One thing I could suggest is to check into a motel for24 hours. Judy and I did just that whenever we go to Manila. Sort of like a mini-honeymoonaway from the kids. Victoria Court in Pasay, Manila was our all time favorite.As far as moans and groans -- I need to talk to my wife about that. She could wake up thedead and have the dogs barking late at night he, he.DOM forever -- Jake

I know that establishment well - what a great concept they have with those places.