mikejwoodnz Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 As a widower and an adult I chose who I married and why - I'm now 64 and my wife, of 5 years, just turned 40 - I neither consulted nor invited my family to our wedding Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mik Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 You have to ask yourself “what does she want?” An ambitious filipina may want a career, children and shoes. A simple filipina may only want children and shoes. Relatives and friends want you to validate their lifestyle choice. They feel threatened by your nonconformance with their norms. It's your life. But think long and hard before you build a cage for yourself. It's not for nothing marriage is called an institution. Do you really want to be an inmate?. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Art2ro Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Who says that you have to be married in order to be happy? Just live together for a while and see how it goes and if it doesn't work out, just go on your way to better things that can make you happy again! No pressure! No stress! :th_noproblem::th_goodidea::th_Good-Luck: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 You have to ask yourself “what does she want?” An ambitious filipina may want a career, children and shoes. A simple filipina may only want children and shoes. Relatives and friends want you to validate their lifestyle choice. They feel threatened by your nonconformance with their norms. It's your life. But think long and hard before you build a cage for yourself. It's not for nothing marriage is called an institution. Do you really want to be an inmate?. What a thought provoking question: "Do you really want to be inmate?" To be honest with you, that question came to mind during my first marriage. Thank god, that didn't last long (7.5 years) and it turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Five years as a bachelor with a promise never to go down that road again. But then I met Judy and have been happily married for the past 25 years now. I must confess some of those years were growing pains: adapting to each others' culture and the age/maturity difference.Thinking back, I believe it was me that needed an overhaul in my thinking of life in general. Ithought that everything could be managed better with some military discipline. The more I triedto apply that, the more my wife challenged me. In the end, she was the one to open my eyesto just chill out and don't sweat the small sh&t. At sixty years of age, health concerns may hit you in the face. We don't need to aggravate that with unnecessary stress and unhealthy thoughts. As I mentioned before: chillin' with my companion by my side, while watching the sunset as well as the sunrise.Respectfully -- Jake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Alf Posted July 12, 2010 Author Posted July 12, 2010 GreetingsI mentioned in another topic about my up coming marriage to a younger woman,my family of grown adults and my 2 younger sisters as well as my friends have been criticizing and blasting advice from every angle. You see I am a self funded retiree aged 60 and my lady is only 19. Some of the things said to me when I announced our plans were so discouraging and hurtful. I have been called a dirty old man,stupid, a nut case to name but a few.My own sister has taken the stance that she wont have anything to do with me or us if I go through with the marriage and this also appears to be influencing my kids.My feelings towards Jocelyn are true and I am positive hers are the same,nothing seems to convince any one else,a friend continually lets me know that he thinks she is out for my money but he has never even met her.All of this is taking its toll,its now at the point I avoid my family and friends. Why cant they understand that we both are inlove? I am beginning to question myself which is making me angry and at times upset over the whole matter.Has any of the group had to deal with a situation like this?Am I wrong to follow my heart? is Jocelyn to young for me.I will appreciate some guidance here.Thanks Retired Alf There are many things to consider in a marriage with a big age difference,the first ones to come to mind are having children,death, and of course what you are experiencing with family.In my opinion stuff the family if you feel that your marriage is right for both of you. Again and only my opinion is that life is short,it will either work out or not.Hopefully some one with a wide age gap relationship can share their experience here.If you don't mind,what is the background of your girl,educated,working,province girl?:th_noproblem:GreetingsMany thanks for your opinion,now to answer the question, Jocelyn is educated and lives in Cebu city,she is currently employed at a store in SM where we met. I would consider her family as middle class. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Alf Posted July 12, 2010 Author Posted July 12, 2010 GreetingsMany supportive posts and too many to answer individually.Thanks for the support. I wont allow my family or friends to control my life but Jocelyn and I have decided to slow down and postpone the wedding until next year. I do not see much of a change in attitude forthcoming from family and friends, so be it. Her family are fine with me and us although it does feel slightly odd to have a future father in-law younger than myself.Her father is already suggesting a taxi franchise is what he needs and how it would help the family if I fund it,he seems sincere and I am considering his suggestions but that has nothing to do with how my side of the family are reacting.I am in good shape and fittest for my age so I feel we have many years of quality time left together,must admit it is an ego booster to be holding a beautiful young woman at my age but this does not influence my feelings for her.Thanks again for allowing me to open up with personal problems and it is good to know that you guys with some sort of experience with Filipina's and matters of the heart are willing to give you're time to help me through what felt like carrying a heavy load with my family and friends pressure.Alf Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Art2ro Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 (edited) Your title should have been, ''Too Old and Too Young" which is so obvious for you, her, anyone and for everyone else to see! It's just a dilemma that you put yourself in to probably without thinking of the consequences and now it's biting you in the ass! What to do? Are you going to use your brain, your emotional and or physical senses? What are you willing to give up? Family and friends or her? Tough choices! What does your experiences tell you? What does your heart tell you? Which one are you going to listen to? The big question is, " What's your true gratification in life" ? But you already know the answer, but dreading the outcome of your future if you can't have it both ways, her, friends and or family! But let us know just in case so we all won't wonder!Good luck! Edited July 12, 2010 by MrBBtheFilAm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4thDan Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 I am 65 and my soon to be wife just had her 46th birthday. Now this isn't as big an age spread as yours, but it is nearly 20 years. I have four children back in the states, a son 26 and three daughters from 27 to 41. When I told them that we were getting married I got a lot of lip service, but generally it ended with "if you are really happy Dad, the go for it". One of my daughters however is still very much against it and has spared no expressions in telling me so. I gave her all the rope she needed and when I asked...."did you let me pick the man for you to marry? no and what happened to the one you picked out? oh divorced you? hmmmmmmmmm" She now shuts up. No one can make your choice only you can. The only word of caution I can give you is the same one I gave my son before he got engaged. THINK WITH THE BIG HEAD ONLY. Hey if you two can be happy for the rest of your days, cause dude reality check here...she is going to outlive you....then by all means. Just step back though and really look at yourself, at her at the whole thing and if you think it is still right. Then don't question yourself. A humorous adage here...you can pick your friends.....you can pick your nose...but you can NOT pick your friends nose. some how that seemed to apply here somewhereGood luckDavid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Braddo Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Hi Alf, I had been to the RP many times before I met my wife, I really had no intentions of getting married but when I met her something was pulling strings that I had never felt before.Melen is 20 years younger than me yes I had the same feelings as most every one about the age differance but at the end of the day you know yourself if it is the right decision to go ahead and get married.I had many friends advising me that was I making the right decision is she honest blah blah bloody blah, Melen has been in Aussie now for 4 years my friends just love her my mother has put her in the will and tossed me out they get on like a house on fire. I have never been happier we plan to retire in Cebu as soon as I have enough Peso's.My advise is go with your gut feelings you have been around and should know if this girl is the one for you to settle down with over the coming yearsStuff the other knockers it is your life let them live theres and you yoursCheers Alf Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inspector Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 (edited) GreetingsI mentioned in another topic about my up coming marriage to a younger woman,my family of grown adults and my 2 younger sisters as well as my friends have been criticizing and blasting advice from every angle. You see I am a self funded retiree aged 60 and my lady is only 19. Some of the things said to me when I announced our plans were so discouraging and hurtful. I have been called a dirty old man,stupid, a nut case to name but a few.My own sister has taken the stance that she wont have anything to do with me or us if I go through with the marriage and this also appears to be influencing my kids.My feelings towards Jocelyn are true and I am positive hers are the same,nothing seems to convince any one else,a friend continually lets me know that he thinks she is out for my money but he has never even met her.All of this is taking its toll,its now at the point I avoid my family and friends. Why cant they understand that we both are inlove? I am beginning to question myself which is making me angry and at times upset over the whole matter.Has any of the group had to deal with a situation like this?Am I wrong to follow my heart? is Jocelyn to young for me.I will appreciate some guidance here.Thanks Retired Alfhi what could a 60 and 19 year old have in common?edit: I don't like what I wrote, changed my mind. Edited July 14, 2010 by Inspector Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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