Who Can You Trust & Why Do Locals Make Remarks

[roy2cebu]

Thanks for the advice. Seems you can't trust anyone, no matter how good your intentions. Unscrupulous families with easy excuses.No morals.No principles."Bump offs" easily accommodated for a small fee.Taxi drivers with cabs adorned with rosary beads, crucifixes, statuettes of the VM...always trying to scam you.The group of tricycle males who cast innuendoes to my wife as we pass that she like foreigner with big penis.The motor cyclists that ride at speed as close as possible to you on the quiter roadways.The treasurer..hehe...of the local church who has not actioned a single repair in years from contributions yet dresses like a queen and swathed in jewellery.The bottle of San Mig being 5 pesos dearer from the sari store than for local customers.etc,etc.....could be worth starting another topic about this...

[Mr Lee]

Thanks for the advice. Seems you can't trust anyone, no matter how good your intentions. Unscrupulous families with easy excuses.No morals.No principles."Bump offs" easily accommodated for a small fee.Taxi drivers with cabs adorned with rosary beads, crucifixes, statuettes of the VM...always trying to scam you.The group of tricycle males who cast innuendoes to my wife as we pass that she like foreigner with big penis.The motor cyclists that ride at speed as close as possible to you on the quiter roadways.The treasurer..hehe...of the local church who has not actioned a single repair in years from contributions yet dresses like a queen and swathed in jewellery.The bottle of San Mig being 5 pesos dearer from the sari store than for local customers.etc,etc.....could be worth starting another topic about this...

OK Roy, I split the topic and now we can talk about who we can trust and why people make comments toward our wives that upset us.  First I can say that we have to put everything in proper prospective. Many poorer Filipinos only make a couple of hundred pesos a day, so we all need to keep that in mind when dealing with many of them. Trust is earned IMO so it is always better for me to lose a few dollars to learn a lesson and to then blame the person who took it when others ask for money.In the case of the nephew who stole money from us, he ruined it for the whole extended family because many of my wifes brothers and sisters no longer wanted to take the chance of us sending their children to college because they were afraid their kids would go bad when they heard what had happened with this one boy.  So his actions ruined the futures of many.So while I became the bad guy in most of his families eyes, they ended up getting the short end of the stick because we no longer give them even one centavo, so in the end, they are the ones who lost more than I did and now I want nothing to do with any of that family for other reasons related to what their son did and what they failed to do to stop him. So who do we trust, only those who earn my trust and I can tell you that few expats have earned my trust either, so it is not just about Filipinos because one American that I bailed out of a jam years ago took my money and ran with it too and I never heard back from him until I tracked him down and told him to expect me to visit. He immediately sent me part of the money and then ran again and has kept running, so it was money well spent.  lolCrooked people come in all sizes, shapes and races and I refuse to blame any one race for the actions of some of their race. There are many Americans I have met over time in the Philippines and elsewhere that make me ashamed that they are from the same country I come from and there are many Filipinos who make me more comfortable being with them than many of my own countrymen. Going back to family, years ago I put one niece through high school and was going to send her to college but her mother decided to raid the bank account that I had set up for school and specified it was only for school. Earlier this year that young lady came to our condo after asking our permission to come and see us and she had a pocket full of money that she had earned while working these last few years and wanted to repay me from her own money, she is someone I would trust and I refused to take the money from her because she was not the one to take it in the first place, and besides that she suffered the consequences of her mothers action by not being able to go to college, so I felt she suffered enough. A wise man once said, "Neither a borrower, nor a lender be" and I now try hard to stick to that and when I do lend, I am very happy when I get it back and learned a lesson when I don't. 

[Jake]

Thanks for the advice. Seems you can't trust anyone, no matter how good your intentions. Unscrupulous families with easy excuses.No morals.No principles."Bump offs" easily accommodated for a small fee.Taxi drivers with cabs adorned with rosary beads, crucifixes, statuettes of the VM...always trying to scam you.The group of tricycle males who cast innuendoes to my wife as we pass that she like foreigner with big penis.The motor cyclists that ride at speed as close as possible to you on the quiter roadways.The treasurer..hehe...of the local church who has not actioned a single repair in years from contributions yet dresses like a queen and swathed in jewellery.The bottle of San Mig being 5 pesos dearer from the sari store than for local customers.etc,etc.....could be worth starting another topic about this...

Hello Roy,Interesting question about who can you trust. Each line item on your list are all true eventsor situations that will repeat itself in different forms or "excuses". From my own personalexperience, I escaped back to USA because I couldn't stand it anymore. And I'm Filipino!Yeah, I'm a Filipino that was too Americanized against my fellow countrymen, which I trulyregret to this day. Fortunately, my wife Judy was stubborn enough to teach me the waysof humbleness and allowed me to realize how some/most locals may become dishonestChristians. Very early in our lives most of us were exposed to all this sh&t even before welearn how to walk. Tsismis (gossip), jealousy which creates crab mentality etc, etc.....Most of us did not have an option to correct those human weaknesses because we did not know any better. We took it as facts of life.Now here comes this foreigner to our barrio or village. Right away we assume just another tourist with pocket full of tourist money. As Lee stated in his previous post, we may cut yousome slack if you became a long term resident and learned how to adapt to our culture. I am now hoping that is the key to living comfortably in the Philippines.Although I always believe in putting my foot down, I need to just chill out and be more firmrather than being loud with anger. Soon the message will strike home and for those thathave no "morals or principles" deserve their own bad karma: what comes around......Two years from now will be my 2nd attempt to get it right. I plan to get younger this timewithout having to deal with unnecessary stress. Like I said in my profile: having mycompanion by my side, while watching the sunset as well as the sunrise.Respectfully -- Jake

[Mr Lee]

Thanks for the advice. Seems you can't trust anyone, no matter how good your intentions. Unscrupulous families with easy excuses.No morals.No principles."Bump offs" easily accommodated for a small fee.Taxi drivers with cabs adorned with rosary beads, crucifixes, statuettes of the VM...always trying to scam you.The group of tricycle males who cast innuendoes to my wife as we pass that she like foreigner with big penis.The motor cyclists that ride at speed as close as possible to you on the quiter roadways.The treasurer..hehe...of the local church who has not actioned a single repair in years from contributions yet dresses like a queen and swathed in jewellery.The bottle of San Mig being 5 pesos dearer from the sari store than for local customers.etc,etc.....could be worth starting another topic about this...

The shorter answer to this for me, has been speaking and understanding some of the language, because then I find that we are most often treated differently than a tourist might be and this is not just a Filipino issue because taxi drivers in many parts of the world try to take the long route so that their meter will charge us more, and what swap shop does a person not have to bargain to get the best deal. Here in the US if a store does not have prices marked, I tell my wife loudly that I do not wish to buy from any store that does not mark prices on their items and we walk out.  I cannot even count how many Americans I have found who act very religious and friendly while in church and then have no courtesy beyond the doors or even in the parking lot while leaving.  Some of the problems we face while living in the Philippines such as the locals calling our wives names IMO happens due to jealousy and the thought that we are all rich and in reality we may be rich when compared to local salaries, and how can any average Filipino think that it is not right to cheat when their own government is full of corruption and it is done right out in the open and not dealt with.  I do not think those problems will get fixed anytime soon, but I do think that it is our job to learn how to cope with them and I know that I have, for the most part.So I find it is best to teach that they get more from me by being honest and nice than they do by trying to cheat me. I reward honest taxi drivers etc and tell them that I did it because they were honest and I never hesitate to tell dishonest ones nicely that I know exactly what they are trying to do and that I will not allow it. One taxi driver with a fast meter, I nicely told that his meter was fast and then he smiled and asked me how much I wanted to pay and he only got what it would normally cost for the trip we took and no tip and I was sure to tell him that he would have gotten a tip had his meter not been fast. There are ways to deal with issues and it is up to each of us to teach others how we handle those issues to make our lives run smoother while living in the Philippines. 

[joeatmanila]

Crooks and related exist everywhere.PI is a poor country. The example people have gotten from the male foreigners is not the best. WE created this image of the white guy who comes here spending drinking and womanizing. That is the prespective they have for us and in general is our fault. Given this fact what do you expect them to do? They are poor they see money to burn from you, they all look for their cut.Different mentality too. They are used to the what i call communal living, 5-6-7...in a single small house. They feel better like that, they feel secured. Here we come with our heafty incomes (for them) and they ofcourse expect they will live with us as they did with their cousin etc but simply they will be better off since you have more money. You kick them all out (as i did) and you become the bad one. Fine with me, i do not need them to spend my money, i can do it my self. They do not realize or understand our mentality that we are not used to it and we do not even consider it. Here comes the wife though to take a stand you or them. It depends who she is and whom you are to her and the decisions go accordingly. As for the everyday vendors and anywhere that a price is not in label...you are in a poor country walking as a money bag, expect the results...Trust? Whom to trust? I guess we all will agree that other than our own parents and kids there is no one else we can trust, after that is a risk depending on the amount. I trust no one not even my own wife. I do not need the emotional part in life to be called good and nice guy. Call me as you please but leave me and my wallet alone. When i am asked to go out i ask them if they are the ones invite or how shall we share the bill, no one comes :)People asking to come live there so to go to school etc i tell them i was working since 13 (true) and going to school, so where is he/she planning to work? No one comes :)Her family does not want to know me, same i do not want them too. She is free to go visit them spend holidays..whatever as long as she does not involve me in that. Money needs of relatives or friends with a "drama" (never ending story)...i ask my wife if our son desrves to be without this amount because of the tita or tito, anyway plenty of family, we do not have cash now. Squeeze the money access to the wife too.I work 3 months abroad and 3 months stay in PI, at the begining every time i was returning everyone was asking for their "pasalubong" i brought the first and second time, the third time i asked where is my "pasalubong" for my return, they told me party, i asked if they host and pay. No one ever asked me again.Intimidate them. The only way to have them respecting you. I do not mean treat them bad, give them dignity and compassion but be firm and strict.I can write pages and pages, in small words trust no one, give money to whomever you do not want to see again.

[No name]

The Kano price isn't theft, its business. If a US car dealer thinks you'll pay sticker, he'll let you. You're expected to ask for a lower price. If you don't like the price, don't pay it. Its only theft when they sell you water when you paid for beer, etc. I don't really like to haggle so if I pay more its not their fault. Where I live though, its just not an issue.I haven't had anyone try to scam me since I've been here. Well unless you count the flirting Filipina that acts like she'll meet my every wish but wont give me nothing. That's not a scam, that would just be me being stupid for falling for it. i have seen that though. For me, that's it.

[parksb2]

Thanks for the advice. Seems you can't trust anyone, no matter how good your intentions. Unscrupulous families with easy excuses.No morals.No principles."Bump offs" easily accommodated for a small fee.Taxi drivers with cabs adorned with rosary beads, crucifixes, statuettes of the VM...always trying to scam you.The group of tricycle males who cast innuendoes to my wife as we pass that she like foreigner with big penis.The motor cyclists that ride at speed as close as possible to you on the quiter roadways.The treasurer..hehe...of the local church who has not actioned a single repair in years from contributions yet dresses like a queen and swathed in jewellery.The bottle of San Mig being 5 pesos dearer from the sari store than for local customers.etc,etc.....could be worth starting another topic about this...

Sounds like Canada?I know of back biting relatives with limitless excuses here in Canada too.Wives leaving husbands just because they're bored need to find themselves and vice versa.. Co-worker open bold faced lying.Taxi rip offs... oh ya. Men staring at my wife and making oh ya comments, local caucasians asking if my wife was a bar girl..High speed 4 lanes, 100 mph on you tail flashing lights, waiting till you have twenty five feet closing distance and pulling out on 50 mph road... A 20 million dollar investment in a theatre that 2million would build, potholed roads, no trash collection.Crossing a picket line to renew your drivers license and having the union reps get well within your personal space, keeping you 1 hour in -10C weather.. Going to a restaurant in Montreal and getting the Anglo price for dinner...Life is what you make of it.Ever read I had trouble in getting to Solla Sellew by Dr Seuss? There's always troubles.Sympathy a word in the dictionary between..

[UZI]

The Kano price isn't theft, its business. If a US car dealer thinks you'll pay sticker, he'll let you. You're expected to ask for a lower price. If you don't like the price, don't pay it. Its only theft when they sell you water when you paid for beer, etc. I don't really like to haggle so if I pay more its not their fault. Where I live though, its just not an issue.I haven't had anyone try to scam me since I've been here. Well unless you count the flirting Filipina that acts like she'll meet my every wish but wont give me nothing. That's not a scam, that would just be me being stupid for falling for it. i have seen that though. For me, that's it.

:th_interesting: :agree:Well said Rusty. Your experience is the same as mine. I was just quoted P110,000 for our kitchen cabinets which was ok but I haggled & got it down to P95,000. You are expected to haggle in ASIA not just here. If you don't then the seller is VERY happy but it isn't theft.Some people seem to be life's victims and are always complaining about being cheated & ripped off. I have been here in the Philippines for 4 years & can't point to a single case of being ripped off (I probably have paid over the odds at the wet market at times) in dealings with City Hall, PNP, BI, contractors etc.I even asked my wife about any comments from Trikes etc and trust me she would tell me (probably kick their ass too) if there were any nasty ones & she said no. She has heard comments about foreigners not being circumcised though.So my question is - 'is this an attitude thing'? Are you attracting this treatment by your actions, way of talking (American accent to anti American Pinoys perhaps?), showing off, acting superior/arrogant (I have even heard FilAms referring to locals as 'these Filipino's') sorry but perhaps age difference with your wife - you would get a reaction in ANY country. As for family, well let's just say that we owe them more than the other way around.Now we live in Cebu let's see if this changes. So far, definitely no with buying the house, renovating it, dealing with City Hall etc but early days.For Lee, please place IMO, in my experience etc in any relevant place. :thumbsup:Uzi

[UZI]

Thanks for the advice. Seems you can't trust anyone, no matter how good your intentions. Unscrupulous families with easy excuses.No morals.No principles."Bump offs" easily accommodated for a small fee.Taxi drivers with cabs adorned with rosary beads, crucifixes, statuettes of the VM...always trying to scam you.The group of tricycle males who cast innuendoes to my wife as we pass that she like foreigner with big penis.The motor cyclists that ride at speed as close as possible to you on the quiter roadways.The treasurer..hehe...of the local church who has not actioned a single repair in years from contributions yet dresses like a queen and swathed in jewellery.The bottle of San Mig being 5 pesos dearer from the sari store than for local customers.etc,etc.....could be worth starting another topic about this...

Sounds like Canada?I know of back biting relatives with limitless excuses here in Canada too.Wives leaving husbands just because they're bored need to find themselves and vice versa.. Co-worker open bold faced lying.Taxi rip offs... oh ya. Men staring at my wife and making oh ya comments, local caucasians asking if my wife was a bar girl..High speed 4 lanes, 100 mph on you tail flashing lights, waiting till you have twenty five feet closing distance and pulling out on 50 mph road... A 20 million dollar investment in a theatre that 2million would build, potholed roads, no trash collection.Crossing a picket line to renew your drivers license and having the union reps get well within your personal space, keeping you 1 hour in -10C weather.. Going to a restaurant in Montreal and getting the Anglo price for dinner...Life is what you make of it.Ever read I had trouble in getting to Solla Sellew by Dr Seuss? There's always troubles.Sympathy a word in the dictionary between..

:th_interesting:

[Mr Lee]

The Kano price isn't theft, its business. If a US car dealer thinks you'll pay sticker, he'll let you. You're expected to ask for a lower price. If you don't like the price, don't pay it. Its only theft when they sell you water when you paid for beer, etc. I don't really like to haggle so if I pay more its not their fault. Where I live though, its just not an issue.I haven't had anyone try to scam me since I've been here. Well unless you count the flirting Filipina that acts like she'll meet my every wish but wont give me nothing. That's not a scam, that would just be me being stupid for falling for it. i have seen that though. For me, that's it.

:th_interesting: :agree:Well said Rusty. Your experience is the same as mine. I was just quoted P110,000 for our kitchen cabinets which was ok but I haggled & got it down to P95,000. You are expected to haggle in ASIA not just here. If you don't then the seller is VERY happy but it isn't theft.Some people seem to be life's victims and are always complaining about being cheated & ripped off. I have been here in the Philippines for 4 years & can't point to a single case of being ripped off (I probably have paid over the odds at the wet market at times) in dealings with City Hall, PNP, BI, contractors etc.I even asked my wife about any comments from Trikes etc and trust me she would tell me (probably kick their ass too) if there were any nasty ones & she said no. She has heard comments about foreigners not being circumcised though.So my question is - 'is this an attitude thing'? Are you attracting this treatment by your actions, way of talking (American accent to anti American Pinoys perhaps?), showing off, acting superior/arrogant (I have even heard FilAms referring to locals as 'these Filipino's') sorry but perhaps age difference with your wife - you would get a reaction in ANY country. As for family, well let's just say that we owe them more than the other way around.Now we live in Cebu let's see if this changes. So far, definitely no with buying the house, renovating it, dealing with City Hall etc but early days.For Lee, please place IMO, in my experience etc in any relevant place. :thumbsup:Uzi

It was written in your opinion and from experiences, so you did fine on your own and surely do not need me :as-if: and maybe I use IMO too often but I am always trying to be politically correct and not offend anyone if at all possible, since I tend to offend at times without even trying.  :agree: