What Tips To Offer People Getting Involved With

[Mr Lee]

I often wonder what people talk about during the many hours they spend on Skype, if not every possible scenario of their future lives together. They don't! I just got off the phone with a fellow who had asked me many questions before going to the Philippines to meet his lady and now they are in the US married and he is upset because she wants to work to send money home and he wanted her to stay home and eventually have his children while also taking care of his elderly mother who lives not far away etc. Since I know this man had spent a year on the Internet talking to this lady, I asked him why he had not worked out the details of their life together ahead of time, and he has answered me as many others I have met along the way had answered me, we never thought to speak of those issues, so I thought maybe some of us could post things that we had wished we had discussed before hand that have come up, or things you are glad you knew enough to discuss before hand.  I can list some of the basics and I know that I knew nothing of what it was going to be like marrying someone from another culture and half way around the world, so here are just a few of my thoughts and I think I should stress that no one should promise anything that they do not know what it entails, before making a promise they cannot keep.I did not know just how far, and how long it took to get to the Philippines from the US, and how much money it would cost, so when I promised to bring my wife back every year, I never realized what I was getting myself in for, but I am not unhappy about it now, yet one friend is because he has said to me that while he promised to bring his wife back every few years, he just cannot seem to save up the money to do so and they have been married two years now and she misses her family and he said that he had no idea just how much immigration fees alone were going to impact his budget even though I had told him all that ahead of time, but I doubt he was listening. Another friend promised that he would go to pick his lady up when her visa was approved, but due to the economy here in the US he was unable to afford to do so and also could not take off enough time from work to do so, so again making sure to not make promises that we cannot keep is important.Next comes life in general.Where do we and they wish to get married. I feel that if a man has in mind that he does not wish to get married in the Philippines, then they best discuss that somewhere before he even goes over, sort of just in case discussions that it seems some are afraid to discuss ahead of time or just do not think to do. How much will she be required to send home and how does she intend to have that amount of money. Does she expect to work or does she expect a regular amount of monthly allowance. That is one way of dealing with family pressure for money, to give a set amount per month which would be within our budget to be saved for emergencies.I have had a number of people tell me, "She wants to live in a house, so I guess I will buy one for her" and I say she wants, or she sort of demands, because it takes two to tango and what about what he wants, has he even bothered to tell her and the answer is always, no he has not.For me it was that I did not want children and had had a vasectomy, so could not even if I changed my mind, so I was sure to tell my future wife that ahead of time and she begrudgingly accepted, so I would say to be sure to discuss that ahead of time.I am sure there are many more items but I cannot think of them right now and I am sure you guys and gals can probably think of many more items than I can, but I think we really should discuss this in depth because it seems to me that many people do not have a guide to go by and never seem to get into the nitty gritty of what life is all about and what life together would be all about, and I have to wonder why.  

[love2winalot]

Hiya: Haiving been married for almost 19 years, and having to wait 2 years prior to that for her to get here from Manila, and No such thing as the internet or Skype, here is what i can offer.1. How long do you want to stay married for? You would be surprised at how many people just, "want to give it a try", or, "whatever happens, happens". This would a proabelm if you were like this, and she was the Marry forever type.2. What is the most important things in you life, in order of importance? Her list and you list can differ on items 2 and beyound. But #1 had better be the same.3. What are the reasons it is ok to Divorce each other? As example, with us it was, 'Adultry". That, and only that. Everything else can be worked out.If there are differences in the above topics, then good luck staying together. If so far, so good, the you continue.4. The Money: What about the money? 5. Did you marry only her, or did you just marry her entire family?6. Today we live, "insert your home here", but later we will ive, "insert same or future home here". Proabely a good idea for these to be the same choice between you and her.7. What's the plan, and how do we rwork together to achieve it?Internet dating is great. Just like dating thru the mail was for me. Why? SEX IS NOT INVOLVED. You are sperated by fast oceans, and for the most part are not able to do things together. What better enviroment can there be to ask the Tough questions? To get the cold hard truth? To actually see what is what? imhop: if a person did not take the time, or have the guts to do this, then they get what these deserve if it did not work out.