How To Deal With Family Always With Their Hand Out?

[Travis]

I do not know if this has been discussed before so here I go. not long after I got here I met an girl in the mall who was a saleslady & later on lost her job & she was a very nice young lady who I dated for a few months & all was good until her family from the Toledo area got wind of me dating her & started asking her for money for this & for that & I had explained to her that I only live on my ss & I am not rich & often have barely enough for my bills but her family kept asking & asking & asking so I finally broke up with her & told her to find a rich kano coz it would take one to deal with her family & I feel very sorry for her to have to have a family like that. I always wonder if families here know what they are doing to their kids by tossing the guilt trip on them. :Mad:123 I have since had a few other girlfriends yes guys this country guy did have girlfriends but it always ended up the same problems & 1 family actually had the nerve to ask me to pay for the small meal they set up for us when they invited us to their home. :th_exactly: I had specifically told the girl to not let them do anything for us & I would take them out for an inexpensive dinner at jolliebee or something like that but they insisted & then asked me to pay & then told me how much to pay & a meal out would have been much less so I am not stupid & figure they charged me double what it cost. please guys understand that I did not mind paying but I would have liked it to be my idea & not theirs & the price to be inline with actual costs. In the year & a half I have been here there have been 3 ladies who I could have spent the rest of my life with but I wanted to marry them & not their whole darn families so how to deal with families when I am not rich & why do the families think we married the whole darned clan? :th_thanx: & that is a good part of the reason I think that I want to move back to a country where I understand how people think & the cost of living is lower coz it is getting expensive here to eat a kano lifestyle & very expensive to deal with families so probably better to stay single or win the lotto :714_full_of_crap: or maybe get a girlyboy or rich momma to support me :thumbsup: :thumbs-up-smile: :th_grouphug:

[sjp52]

I do not know if this has been discussed before so here I go. not long after I got here I met an girl in the mall who was a saleslady & later on lost her job & she was a very nice young lady who I dated for a few months & all was good until her family from the Toledo area got wind of me dating her & started asking her for money for this & for that & I had explained to her that I only live on my ss & I am not rich & often have barely enough for my bills but her family kept asking & asking & asking so I finally broke up with her & told her to find a rich kano coz it would take one to deal with her family & I feel very sorry for her to have to have a family like that. I always wonder if families here know what they are doing to their kids by tossing the guilt trip on them. :Mad:123 I have since had a few other girlfriends yes guys this country guy did have girlfriends but it always ended up the same problems & 1 family actually had the nerve to ask me to pay for the small meal they set up for us when they invited us to their home. :th_exactly: I had specifically told the girl to not let them do anything for us & I would take them out for an inexpensive dinner at jolliebee or something like that but they insisted & then asked me to pay & then told me how much to pay & a meal out would have been much less so I am not stupid & figure they charged me double what it cost. please guys understand that I did not mind paying but I would have liked it to be my idea & not theirs & the price to be inline with actual costs. In the year & a half I have been here there have been 3 ladies who I could have spent the rest of my life with but I wanted to marry them & not their whole darn families so how to deal with families when I am not rich & why do the families think we married the whole darned clan? :th_thanx: & that is a good part of the reason I think that I want to move back to a country where I understand how people think & the cost of living is lower coz it is getting expensive here to eat a kano lifestyle & very expensive to deal with families so probably better to stay single or win the lotto :714_full_of_crap: or maybe get a girlyboy or rich momma to support me :thumbsup: :thumbs-up-smile: :th_grouphug:

Whats a girlyboy

[UZI]

I think that I want to move back to a country where I understand how people think & the cost of living is lower

Sorry to say but you sound like you want us to convince you to stay. If you don't understand the people & it is getting too expensive, then I think you are here for all the wrong reasons.As for family asking for money, yes you will be seen as rich because compared to most, you are. Family is VERY important here so, yes, you will become a part of the family & be expected to help out. That said, you do not have to give if you don't want to. Keep telling that you can't afford it. You will be called kuripot (stingy) but they will get over it. Whether your girl will, is another matter.Most members here & on other forums will advise living far away from family but we have just moved closer because my wife's family know I don't have much spare money & have never asked for anything unless a true need (rarity) & I help with what I can. They are grateful no matter how small the contribution. I NEVER lend though, only give.Uzi.

[Travis]

I do not know if this has been discussed before so here I go. not long after I got here I met an girl in the mall who was a saleslady & later on lost her job & she was a very nice young lady who I dated for a few months & all was good until her family from the Toledo area got wind of me dating her & started asking her for money for this & for that & I had explained to her that I only live on my ss & I am not rich & often have barely enough for my bills but her family kept asking & asking & asking so I finally broke up with her & told her to find a rich kano coz it would take one to deal with her family & I feel very sorry for her to have to have a family like that. I always wonder if families here know what they are doing to their kids by tossing the guilt trip on them. :kidding: I have since had a few other girlfriends yes guys this country guy did have girlfriends but it always ended up the same problems & 1 family actually had the nerve to ask me to pay for the small meal they set up for us when they invited us to their home. :wt-hell: I had specifically told the girl to not let them do anything for us & I would take them out for an inexpensive dinner at jolliebee or something like that but they insisted & then asked me to pay & then told me how much to pay & a meal out would have been much less so I am not stupid & figure they charged me double what it cost. please guys understand that I did not mind paying but I would have liked it to be my idea & not theirs & the price to be inline with actual costs. In the year & a half I have been here there have been 3 ladies who I could have spent the rest of my life with but I wanted to marry them & not their whole darn families so how to deal with families when I am not rich & why do the families think we married the whole darned clan? :D & that is a good part of the reason I think that I want to move back to a country where I understand how people think & the cost of living is lower coz it is getting expensive here to eat a kano lifestyle & very expensive to deal with families so probably better to stay single or win the lotto :SugarwareZ-037: or maybe get a girlyboy or rich momma to support me :) :wt-hell: :kidding:

Whats a girlyboy

it is a boy that looks more like a girl than many girls do & usually dresses much sexier than ladies here do & they are all over the place here & most have good jobs so I am told so maybe 1 or more can support me :lol: that would be ok as long as I do not have to have sex with them or be seen in public with them :lol: nawh I would rather have a rich sugar momma :yes: & a young rich sugar momma would be ultimate :yes: :lol:

[Travis]

I think that I want to move back to a country where I understand how people think & the cost of living is lower

Sorry to say but you sound like you want us to convince you to stay. If you don't understand the people & it is getting too expensive, then I think you are here for all the wrong reasons.As for family asking for money, yes you will be seen as rich because compared to most, you are. Family is VERY important here so, yes, you will become a part of the family & be expected to help out. That said, you do not have to give if you don't want to. Keep telling that you can't afford it. You will be called kuripot (stingy) but they will get over it. Whether your girl will, is another matter.Most members here & on other forums will advise living far away from family but we have just moved closer because my wife's family know I don't have much spare money & have never asked for anything unless a true need (rarity) & I help with what I can. They are grateful no matter how small the contribution. I NEVER lend though, only give.Uzi.

uzi I do not want anyone to talk me into anything coz I am a grown man it is just that I hate that part of the culture here coz those blood sucking families are ruining a possible good future for their kids. I would have given those girls who BTW 2 of which were in their 30's so not much chance of marriage locally a good life of never having to wonder where their next meal was going to come from & a roof over their heads as long as I am alive & I would have left them whatever I could manage to save & a home or condo of their own coz I have found that 2 can live as cheap as 1 except for the food & I am starting to get used to eating just rice or noodles a few times a day 4 or 5 days a week with some soy sauce or soup mix on it so I am finally starting to save some money & will continue to live that way so I can have a nice nest egg. I know I am generalizing but that was 3 for 3 so far I have not met a non vampire family here yet that does not put the weight of the world on their kids shoulders & if family is so important then how come our family is not as important as their family? seems to me that once a person gets married then their family should come first & the vampires should be kept at bay & that first lady still text me & we meet & talk every now & then so she still wants to see me but I cannot learn to deal with her vampire family. oh I even held up a cross but they did not understand the significance of it hehehe

[Jake]

I think that I want to move back to a country where I understand how people think & the cost of living is lower

Sorry to say but you sound like you want us to convince you to stay. If you don't understand the people & it is getting too expensive, then I think you are here for all the wrong reasons.As for family asking for money, yes you will be seen as rich because compared to most, you are. Family is VERY important here so, yes, you will become a part of the family & be expected to help out. That said, you do not have to give if you don't want to. Keep telling that you can't afford it. You will be called kuripot (stingy) but they will get over it. Whether your girl will, is another matter.Most members here & on other forums will advise living far away from family but we have just moved closer because my wife's family know I don't have much spare money & have never asked for anything unless a true need (rarity) & I help with what I can. They are grateful no matter how small the contribution. I NEVER lend though, only give.Uzi.

uzi I do not want anyone to talk me into anything coz I am a grown man it is just that I hate that part of the culture here coz those blood sucking families are ruining a possible good future for their kids. I would have given those girls who BTW 2 of which were in their 30's so not much chance of marriage locally a good life of never having to wonder where their next meal was going to come from & a roof over their heads as long as I am alive & I would have left them whatever I could manage to save & a home or condo of their own coz I have found that 2 can live as cheap as 1 except for the food & I am starting to get used to eating just rice or noodles a few times a day 4 or 5 days a week with some soy sauce or soup mix on it so I am finally starting to save some money & will continue to live that way so I can have a nice nest egg. I know I am generalizing but that was 3 for 3 so far I have not met a non vampire family here yet that does not put the weight of the world on their kids shoulders & if family is so important then how come our family is not as important as their family? seems to me that once a person gets married then their family should come first & the vampires should be kept at bay & that first lady still text me & we meet & talk every now & then so she still wants to see me but I cannot learn to deal with her vampire family. oh I even held up a cross but they did not understand the significance of it hehehe

Hello my friend,It's unfortunate that you have experienced back to back relationships with the extended family members called "vampires". I would be frustrated as well. I guess you need to scrutinize your selection process more carefully for the next female companion. None of them will be perfect and we do have our own faults too. As Uzi pointed out, the culture of the Filipino family sometimes exerts unnecessary stress to the foreign visitor. It really depends on your tolerance level dealing with the culture.At any rate, you may feel more comfortable being alone most of the time, but the feeling of loneliness may lead to depression. I know......I've been there. Whatever you feel is right for you, we will respect you decision and hopefully learn from your experience. Thank you for sharing Traveler.First pitcher of MoJo is on me guys -- Jake

[Jim Sibbick]

Easy, make them work for it. Tell them that you had to work hard for your money and they will have to work for it too. There is always something that needs doing. My favourite is massage.It is amzing how many who don't need money if they have to work for it.It it is equally pleasing to see greatful relatives with a few hundred pisos in their pocket that they have earned.By the way, did you know before dinner that you would be paying for it?Regards: Jim

[Travis]

Easy, make them work for it. Tell them that you had to work hard for your money and they will have to work for it too. There is always something that needs doing. My favourite is massage.It is amzing how many who don't need money if they have to work for it.It it is equally pleasing to see greatful relatives with a few hundred pisos in their pocket that they have earned.By the way, did you know before dinner that you would be paying for it?Regards: Jim

:wt-hell: that is a good idea but I have no work for them to do as of yet so it would not work for me. no they did not tell me up front & had I known before we got there then I would never have gone. communication is 1 of many problems here & I had been warned of issues I might face so I had made myself clear ahead of time & still got the shaft so :lol:

[sjp52]

Easy, make them work for it. Tell them that you had to work hard for your money and they will have to work for it too. There is always something that needs doing. My favourite is massage.It is amzing how many who don't need money if they have to work for it.It it is equally pleasing to see greatful relatives with a few hundred pisos in their pocket that they have earned.By the way, did you know before dinner that you would be paying for it?Regards: Jim

:wt-hell: that is a good idea but I have no work for them to do as of yet so it would not work for me. no they did not tell me up front & had I known before we got there then I would never have gone. communication is 1 of many problems here & I had been warned of issues I might face so I had made myself clear ahead of time & still got the shaft so :lol:

I know how you feel traveler. I was having a bunch of construction done on my wives house with lots of workers in the house. I was paying each worker between 200 and 300 pesos a day ( carpenters, laborers, Plumbers ). Needed a small adjustment on a electrical job and the family found an electrician who came and did it ( he has not been working much lately). The job took him 15 minutes and he said he wanted 500 pesos. I said to him all these workers get around 250 pesos a day and you want 500 for 15 minutes and he said yes. I gave him the money and told him that I would never hire him again. I told my wife to tell all the workers that if they wanted to work for me for a long time they need to be fair.I must be one of the lucky ones as my family has never asked me for money or help. That does not mean I have not given it. I have paid hospital bills and when the fish market was slow ( they all work at the fish market ) I bought them all big sacks of rice. I will always make sure my family does not go hungry but I will not support them.I guess we need to ask ourselves if we grew up here in this country with hardly any work to be had and a sense of hopelessness of ever getting ahead in the world, If maybe we might not be any different then them.

[Mr Lee]

I do not know if this has been discussed before so here I go. not long after I got here I met an girl in the mall who was a saleslady & later on lost her job & she was a very nice young lady who I dated for a few months & all was good until her family from the Toledo area got wind of me dating her & started asking her for money for this & for that & I had explained to her that I only live on my ss & I am not rich & often have barely enough for my bills but her family kept asking & asking & asking so I finally broke up with her & told her to find a rich kano coz it would take one to deal with her family & I feel very sorry for her to have to have a family like that. I always wonder if families here know what they are doing to their kids by tossing the guilt trip on them. :lol:   I have since had a few other girlfriends yes guys this country guy did have girlfriends but it always ended up the same problems & 1 family actually had the nerve to ask me to pay for the small meal they set up for us when they invited us to their home. :wt-hell:  I had specifically told the girl to not let them do anything for us & I would take them out for an inexpensive dinner at jolliebee or something like that but they insisted & then asked me to pay & then told me how much to pay & a meal out would have been much less so I am not stupid & figure they charged me double what it cost. please guys understand that I did not mind paying but I would have liked it to be my idea & not theirs & the price to be inline with actual costs. In the year & a half I have been here there have been 3 ladies who I could have spent the rest of my life with but I wanted to marry them & not their whole darn families so how to deal with families when I am not rich & why do the families think we married the whole darned clan? :wt-hell: & that is a good part of the reason I think that I want to move back to a country where I understand how people think & the cost of living is lower coz it is getting expensive here to eat a kano lifestyle & very expensive to deal with families so probably better to stay single or win the lotto :wt-hell: or maybe get a girlyboy or rich momma to support me :lol: :yes: :no:  

Traveler, all I can say is that not every family is like that. I had a similar experiences when invited to a friends gf's home where her family asked us for money for the meal and I was a guest and it shocked the hell out of me, so it was a learning experience for me because our family had never asked that I pay for a meal, yet I had given to pay for the meals of my own free will because I realized how poor most of them are.  I have also had the pleasure of meeting quite a few Filipinos during my years who have become our friends and have never had their hand out for anything and in fact had tried to treat my wife and I to a meal on occasion and I refused because I know how hard they work for their money and just how hard life can be for many in the Philippines. One such man is Angelo the salesman in our condo who has gone above and beyond to help us and I just about have to force him to take money other than what he works for or holiday gifts for his kids which he graciously accepts because we are all sort of family now, yet he still seems to feel like he is not my equal and that frustrates the heck out of me. Family issues are something many of us have to deal with and possibly it is because we are seen as being so rich that they cannot understand how we can live our lifestyle and not consider ourselves rich, so some may feel it is OK to ask. I have to agree with you that many families seem to ruin their kids lives with the family guilt trip issue and that was something that I could never understand either since I felt that the parents and siblings should be happy that one of their own was able to get themselves out of there and have a better life, but it seems that is not how many think.   :1 (103): As some of you who know me in person know, I have my own set of horror stories but I feel that most are my own fault for not understanding the culture from the start and because there were no forums or friends to guide me in those days and I was quite naive back then and maybe I still have blinders on. Hang in there and you will meet the right lady or make the correct life decision for you.