With Cell Phones Is Anywhere Far Enough Away

[Inspector]

I am happy to see this topic discussed & I hope more people will give their advice here coz this young lady is a great catch based on all I know of her byt I am afraid that she will turn into her mother coz they say the apple does not fall far from the tree. I asked her if she would be comfortable throwing away her sim card & cutting all ties & she said no coz they are her family so for now no dice & I am still leaving on a jet plane 1 day in the not too distant future & I told her so

Hi.You cannot seriously ask a girl to give up contact with her own family, What if she asked you to do the same thing, I know what I would say, I would tell them to get lost and find someone else.When I married my wife, I accepted her family, and she accepted mine, I have been with her for 8 years now, Her mother and father live at our house, But sadly my father inlaw died 2 weeks ago, He was a lovely man, and never asked me for anything, I shall truely miss him, My family in the Philippines all live within a few hundred yards, They have never ever asked for anything, They dont have too....If I know they need something, Then I give it to them, After all, They are my family too, I know that if ever I needed their help they would be there for me.Maybe the best thing to say to this girl is that you will support her, But you cannot afford to support her family too, and that it is no good her family asking for money anytime because the answer will always be NO, If she can accept that, all well and good, But you cannot expect her to give up her family for you, To be honest, I wouldnt want a girl that would do that.Anyway good luck in your decision.Regards Brock.

That's what Traveler can NOT do, as his budget simply does not allow for it. And families of course are not going to ask for anything if you giving it to them. Oh, except mine...we give, but there is always a need for more and more...and more. :th_signs083:

[Mr Lee]

The bad part of all this is that it seems the families do not realize the toll they are putting onto many relationships with their incessant asking for money and my view would be to try to find a way to work around it somehow because it is not your lady who is at fault but their families, so therefore if they are good ladies then they are worth keeping. I have to agree that Trav cannot expect a lady to give up her family, and no matter how bad a family is, it seems that Filipinas are forgiving of them and accept it as part of their lives, so there has to be a work around for those of you who cannot afford to give, maybe let your lady work or in Inspector case maybe cut out the maid and let that money go to the family too. Sorry guys I am just fishing here but there has to be a work around, and probably the lady just not answering the pleas for money would be the best one, that is once she has already clearly set the guidelines and told them clearly that the monthly money is all they are going to get no matter what happens.One solution might be weekly money instead of monthly money because one of the problems I see is easy come easy go, but that is not going to help Traveler because he has no money to give and for him maybe a less expensive place to live might be the answer so that he has some extra money left over for an allowance for his lady to do with as she wishes. Guys let the suggestions keep coming because there has to be an answer to all of life's questions. 

[Travis]

I am happy to see this topic discussed & I hope more people will give their advice here coz this young lady is a great catch based on all I know of her byt I am afraid that she will turn into her mother coz they say the apple does not fall far from the tree. I asked her if she would be comfortable throwing away her sim card & cutting all ties & she said no coz they are her family so for now no dice & I am still leaving on a jet plane 1 day in the not too distant future & I told her so

Hi.You cannot seriously ask a girl to give up contact with her own family, What if she asked you to do the same thing, I know what I would say, I would tell them to get lost and find someone else.When I married my wife, I accepted her family, and she accepted mine, I have been with her for 8 years now, Her mother and father live at our house, But sadly my father inlaw died 2 weeks ago, He was a lovely man, and never asked me for anything, I shall truely miss him, My family in the Philippines all live within a few hundred yards, They have never ever asked for anything, They dont have too....If I know they need something, Then I give it to them, After all, They are my family too, I know that if ever I needed their help they would be there for me.Maybe the best thing to say to this girl is that you will support her, But you cannot afford to support her family too, and that it is no good her family asking for money anytime because the answer will always be NO, If she can accept that, all well and good, But you cannot expect her to give up her family for you, To be honest, I wouldnt want a girl that would do that.Anyway good luck in your decision.Regards Brock.

yes I was serious coz her family is evil always calling for money & ruining the time we spend together & making her miserable so if it were not for the phone then we always have a great time together & she is a wonderful person. I have tried telling her to not tell them when we would go out but it seems they keep a tight leash on her so she has to tell them so I tell her to leave the phone off & she does but as soon as she turns it back on the texts pour in

[Inspector]

The bad part of all this is that it seems the families do not realize the toll they are putting onto many relationships with their incessant asking for money and my view would be to try to find a way to work around it somehow because it is not your lady who is at fault but their families, so therefore if they are good ladies then they are worth keeping. I have to agree that Trav cannot expect a lady to give up her family, and no matter how bad a family is, it seems that Filipinas are forgiving of them and accept it as part of their lives, so there has to be a work around for those of you who cannot afford to give, maybe let your lady work or in Inspector case maybe cut out the maid and let that money go to the family too. Sorry guys I am just fishing here but there has to be a work around, and probably the lady just not answering the pleas for money would be the best one, that is once she has already clearly set the guidelines and told them clearly that the monthly money is all they are going to get no matter what happens.One solution might be weekly money instead of monthly money because one of the problems I see is easy come easy go, but that is not going to help Traveler because he has no money to give and for him maybe a less expensive place to live might be the answer so that he has some extra money left over for an allowance for his lady to do with as she wishes. Guys let the suggestions keep coming because there has to be an answer to all of life's questions.

The Maid aint going, because she is useful to us, good with the dog and one of the few things that attracts me to a third world country. Besides, this is not about what I can afford, as I certainly am not going to slow my credit card repayment down, nor lower my standard of living which is already lower then living in a trailer park in upstate New York, by a huge amount. This is about begging, greed and a problem too many foreigners face due to the culture/poverty, and one that those who marry or are in relationships face daily. Those who suggest they are never asked, already have the large families living in compounds they have built, and/or supply the HUGE families here with help, because they "want to". I went over this in another post, so let's just say that once the family begins to receive, they want more for any and all issues of money...and my issue goes a lot deeper then I am posting for the simple fact I don't want to air the real fun things due to respect of the lady I am with, but let's just say that these two "abusers" have one simple goal in life, money for nothing, and they have about as much common sense as Michael Vick....and it started a lot longer then before I came around. The hood up in the province has heard the incredible loud arguments over money a long time, as Julz grew up. As a foreigner, you may not believe you are being used for money, nor will you believe you are not asked because you give as they are all swell nice family members who look at you as "part" of the family....but you really are. You are buying the families love....weather you believe you are or not is your own option.Try stopping that support or non asked for help that you are not asked because you already give... and see how quickly that loveable father in law treats you then. There is a reason rich upper class pinays do not marry foreigners, nor is it culturally accepted by the rich filipino families for this to happen...while the poor not so rich ones are seeking us out. Anyway, this rant is not aimed at the original poster, who I need to call ...but an overall frustration as to how stressful some family members can make it for the older foreigners.

[Inspector]

Hello Traveler,Oh, how you remind me of my darker days when I also felt bitterness against my own people. My frustration blew upone day and next thing I knew, I was back in the States without my wife Judy. Fortunately, everything is all good nowand I'm willing to get it right next time. What's the difference? It was me all along -- too Americanized and too proudto empathize with the desperation of the common people. I'm sure most of us have seen or heard of the following: very young beggars "borrowing infants" to carry around inorder to increase their chance to feed themselves; young teenagers sniffing "Rugby" (liquid glue) to temporarily relieve their hunger pains and the beggars pressing their noses against the restaurant window. Thank you Tom, for that stark and vivid reminder -- they were once treated like swatting a nuisance fly but they areafter all, a fellow human being who deserves at least a smile from a stranger.Respectfully -- Jake

I would agree in this case Jake, however, my "in-laws" are not pedal trike drivers nor begging children brought into a world they never asked for...but actually considered "rich" to most in the province. They are overly obsessed with a "family" share plan, with the foreigner, me, already considered majority partner... was asked to buy the biggest boat for fishing in their province for a business venture. That was one of the first silly requests...I must look hollywood rich to them I guess with my tank top and free spirit public nose picking...but when I looked the biggest boat as a joke when I was riding on my large 400 cc honda, it was like a freaking ship. I could of outfitted that thing with some guns, and taken over Sweden... and parts of Norway. :shooter:

[Mr Lee]

The bad part of all this is that it seems the families do not realize the toll they are putting onto many relationships with their incessant asking for money and my view would be to try to find a way to work around it somehow because it is not your lady who is at fault but their families, so therefore if they are good ladies then they are worth keeping.  I have to agree that Trav cannot expect a lady to give up her family, and no matter how bad a family is, it seems that Filipinas are forgiving of them and accept it as part of their lives, so there has to be a work around for those of you who cannot afford to give, maybe let your lady work or in Inspector case maybe cut out the maid and let that money go to the family too. Sorry guys I am just fishing here but there has to be a work around, and probably the lady just not answering the pleas for money would be the best one, that is once she has already clearly set the guidelines and told them clearly that the monthly money is all they are going to get no matter what happens.One solution might be weekly money instead of monthly money because one of the problems I see is easy come easy go, but that is not going to help Traveler because he has no money to give and for him maybe a less expensive place to live might be the answer so that he has some extra money left over for an allowance for his lady to do with as she wishes. Guys let the suggestions keep coming because there has to be an answer to all of life's questions.

The Maid aint going, because she is useful to us, good with the dog and one of the few things that attracts me to a third world country. Besides, this is not about what I can afford, as I certainly am not going to slow my credit card repayment down, nor lower my standard of living which is already lower then living in a trailer park in upstate New York, by a huge amount. This is about begging, greed and a problem too many foreigners face due to the culture/poverty, and one that those who marry or are in relationships face daily. Those who suggest they are never asked, already have the large families living in compounds they have built, and/or supply the HUGE families here with help, because they "want to". I went over this in another post, so let's just say that once the family begins to receive, they want more for any and all issues of money...and my issue goes a lot deeper then I am posting for the simple fact I don't want to air the real fun things due to respect of the lady I am with, but let's just say that these two "abusers" have one simple goal in life, money for nothing, and they have about as much common sense as Michael Vick....and it started a lot longer then before I came around. The hood up in the province has heard the incredible loud arguments over money a long time, as Julz grew up. As a foreigner, you may not believe you are being used for money, nor will you believe you are not asked because you give as they are all swell nice family members who look at you as "part" of the family....but you really are. You are buying the families love....weather you believe you are or not is your own option.Try stopping that support or non asked for help that you are not asked because you already give... and see how quickly that loveable father in law treats you then. There is a reason rich upper class pinays do not marry foreigners, nor is it culturally accepted by the rich filipino families for this to happen...while the poor not so rich ones are seeking us out. Anyway, this rant is not aimed at the original poster, who I need to call ...but an overall frustration as to how stressful some family members can make it for the older foreigners.

Obviously you know me and know that I would never try to tell you how to live your life. What I was actually saying is that often we are judged by what we have or how we live and that was one of the main reasons my wife and I never have a maid and always stayed in pension houses and rarely stayed in hotels, but one time the roaches overran us when we stayed in the Manila Townhouse Hotel so we moved to a real hotel the next day, but other than that I have always tried to keep a low profile in order for our family to not judge me as any richer than the already figure all kanos are. When I decided to retire fully, I had my wife tell her whole family that once I retired that there would no longer be much extra money, and that I was going to borrow from my retirement to buy our condo (which is the truth) and that along with a few refusals to give money for ridiculous reasons seems to have worked for us, but it seems only a sludge hammer or 2x4 may work for you to pound it into your families heads. Man how I wish I had the answer to yours and Traveler dilemma but each circumstance is different and what works for me will probably not work for you or him. 

[Art2ro]

My favorite mottos I always say; "Different Strokes for Different Folks"! "It's always a matter of money"! "Life is what you make it to be"! "Que Sera Sera (what will be will be)"! That just about covers everyone no matter who they are, rich or poor or whatever nationality they are! That's just what makes the world go round in all walks of life! No one is alone on this! A lot of us have been there, some are just starting out and some are still there and never got out of the habit or routine! All I can say is, don't make the same mistakes twice! Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edited October 2, 2010 by Fil/AmArt