sjp52 Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 Hi SJC..is that ur real pic or is it Kenny rogers?..lol!It's not so much about the lieing family now...it's more of my wife insisting I accept it as the norm.That is BS to me. How can you expect to build trustworhty relationships when money is poured in for an objective , to build a future to retire on, and the money disappears in a multitude of excuses (lies).I mean it's so pathetic...my wife's brother..he the main liar...has been able to come to Oz at our expense for visas , flights, etc 3 times in last 5 years and still lies. Now he tells my wife he feels intimidated by me..sympathy seeking ....I reckon these guys are just a bunch of gutless cowards. Always finding...very easily for their inbred minds..to lie, lie, lie, lie.Accept it as the norm? Taxi drivers I can control....but family lieing is hard to accept. But if my wife doesn't support me, what chance have I got?Hi Roy, If I had a peso for everyone that told me that I would be a Filipino Millionaire lol. When my wife and I were first married I sent a substantial amount of money for her to put into an investment we had talked about. Well that money is gone now as she initially did what I asked but later invested in something else and it dwindled away. Her fault yes, But also mine for not following up on it. It seems the more you are nice to the troubled ones ( your brother inlaw ) the more they take advantage. Time to stop being nice. There will always be someone in the family that will be a thorn in your side, The ones in my family I just try to ignore. I always buy gifts for everyone in the family on their birthday, But not for the niece that stole from us. I think your wife is torn between her love for you and her love for her brother. She is in the middle and its a no win situation for her. I have come to realize that most Filipinos are a very forgiving bunch and although her forgivingness for her brother pisses you off, That quality in her might be in your favor in the future ( if you ever screw up, not that that would happen lol ). You are just very upset now because of what happen and rightfully so. But in time you will see this as a learning experience of life in the Philippines and adjust your self accordingly. I know I did when it happened to me. You need to cut your wife a little slack as all she wants to do is please both of you even though that lieing so and so does not deserve it. Sometimes your hand doesn.t do what your brain tells it too, Doesn,t mean you cut your hand off and through it away. My wife is a part of me and it would take a lot more than what has happened to you or me to just throw her away. The more bumps and curves on the road of ones Marriage and you survive them, The stronger the Marriage should be as you learn together the two of you can handle all that life dishes out.I would tell your wife she needs to be a little bit more supportive of your feelings in this matter as it bothers you a lot. Tell her that you are supportive of her love for her brother but if she really cares about him he needs to be taught that lieing is not acceptable in your family. I told my wife this and I think she respects me and loves me a little more because of it.Buddy I am with you I can,t stand the liers and the people that take advantage. But their every where in this world and the only way we can change them is to give them the cold shoulder when they do things like this. But you are right it is hard when everyone else is acting like its ok here in the Philippines.Life can be so frustrating at times even more so here as it is a totally different way of life than we are use too. If you think you can bring your way of thinking to the Philippines and have everyone here accept it you are mistaken. Most Filipinos were brought up deprived and without a good picture of what the future might hold for them.I think a lot of them feel the only thing they have is the freedom to do things their way and nobody is going to take that away from them. Maybe if we were in their shoes we might think different than we do, I don,t know Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inspector Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Great honest thread, and just would like to say this is what makes this forum great, as I learn so much.I can add my horror story, with the incredible lies I hear daily from her family...but being this thread is about a serious issue here with Roy, I will offer them up later so we can all laugh and enjoy my stress in a silly post. First thing, anybody can say "leave" or "dump"...but as we all know when love and a heart is in the equation that is not easy for the individual to do this. Even the toughest man can be brought to his knees with a broken heart. IMHO, many of those dump suggestions I have read on other forums were from posters who feel pinays are as one put it, like buses, one leaves and another comes along. While there are times when counseling, talking and the final decision of a divorce is the only way out, I don't see it here because I sense Roy still loves his wife, and the issues are treatable.I agree with Tom, this is a cultural issue, and is now at the forefront because of the visits, and has been fed for a while. Well, I will try and be like Dr. Phil now and offer a suggestion. Take more control, in a calm manner. IOW, you make all the final decisions now, and that includes money, and put the ball in the ladies court. If she can't deal with it, and you find out she no longer will accept that you are in charge you will see where she stands on her love of YOU. I went through a divorce, and it was the best thing I ever did...sure it cost me a bit of money, but my sanity at that point was more important. I don't see you near this yet, but rest assured, if you moved here full time, you would have family lie issues beyond comprehension. :1 (235): Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roy2cebu Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 Hi Inspector,thanks for your post and opinion.Moving there full time for comprehension isn't the case now. 50 / 50 has already proved what a joke it is.No matter how much I stress to my wife that it isn't a fight,..that I am basically looking for her family not to lie to me and show a modicum of respect.....well, may as well go put my head in the sand.Just had this evening a telephone conversation with my brother in the Uk...laid out the issues as you have read in this thread...his opinion...without drama,..more caring for me..get outta there Roy!...even if you leave with nothing you can't live with that sh&t indefinately. It will kill you.. And he stated that he's concerned I could be 'bumped off' for standing up to the sh&t and asking for truth and respect.Thank God I have a genuine western family ...pray God I won't be 'bumped off'' in a side walk off Mango ave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Lee Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Roy, one way of dealing with family is not dealing with them at all. Life is too short to get yourself sick over people who IMO are not worth getting sick over. So you cannot be lied to if you refuse to have any of the liars talk to you. As for your wife, if she was working before your marriage to her and sending money home before, then she is just continuing to do what she was doing before. If she has kids from before you, (sorry I do not remember and my comment is to all and not just you) then her kids are her flesh and blood and may always be at least as important as you are, if not more important than you, and that is why I would never have married someone who had children before I met them, but that is me and I would never tell anyone what they should or should not do, I would just like to state that children add to the equation and most likely would add family issues when included and it seems we end up with more than enough family issues without someone else's children being tossed into the mix. Roy IMO you have a hard way to go but if I were you, then before divorce I would sit down with your wife and try hard to work through the family issues and move as far away from her family as possible so you do not have to deal with them, if they are as you say they are. I have not had many family tell me lies but yes I have had quite a few omissions and some half truths told to me, but never by my wife. Any who have played games with me are no longer in my life and I refuse to have anything to do with them and that is my way of dealing with those issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Hi Inspector,thanks for your post and opinion.Moving there full time for comprehension isn't the case now. 50 / 50 has already proved what a joke it is.No matter how much I stress to my wife that it isn't a fight,..that I am basically looking for her family not to lie to me and show a modicum of respect.....well, may as well go put my head in the sand.Just had this evening a telephone conversation with my brother in the Uk...laid out the issues as you have read in this thread...his opinion...without drama,..more caring for me..get outta there Roy!...even if you leave with nothing you can't live with that sh&t indefinately. It will kill you.. And he stated that he's concerned I could be 'bumped off' for standing up to the sh&t and asking for truth and respect.Thank God I have a genuine western family ...pray God I won't be 'bumped off'' in a side walk off Mango ave. On behalf of my fellow PEF members, we sincerely appreciate your candor about your personal life and current issues with your family. I believe your brother speaks about something that I kept in the back of my mind: Remember your recent thread about Cop and Gun? Should you take these signs more seriously? Your lazy ass brother in law and the punk with a gun at Mango Ave -- will they come together someday??Watch you back my friend -- Jake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roy2cebu Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 (edited) Yes Jake...scary!And the ironic thing being that if they did arrange for me to be bumped off it would probably be my money they use to pay!:1 (235): Edited October 10, 2010 by roy2cebu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irish Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 Hold on Roy: did the brother in law threaten your life or is it just hype your brother in the UK, who has no understanding of the Philippines or it's culture, say to you over the telephone? If it's just talk by your brother in the UK then listen to sjp52 and Inspector and give it a go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roy2cebu Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 Doesn't seem much hope now. Wife's latest comment....my family is all I have, without them I have nothing. If my husband dies it doesn't matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jollygoodfellow Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Doesn't seem much hope now. Wife's latest comment....my family is all I have, without them I have nothing. If my husband dies it doesn't matter. Thats a strange comment,the way I see it is when you marry you become part of the family or in the least your wife and you are a family.Let us know if the wife kills you in your sleep um, maybe not! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roy2cebu Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 I was told some time ago...seems your wife's aim is 1..work to 2. support the family and fit Roy in somewhere...hey guys..it's a long story...I let it go on for too long... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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