Mr Lee Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Doesn't seem much hope now. Wife's latest comment....my family is all I have, without them I have nothing. If my husband dies it doesn't matter. Sorry to hear that Roy, I guess it is time to move on and find a new wife or gf because they are not all like that and I can tell you that from personal experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Art2ro Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 (edited) Doesn't seem much hope now. Wife's latest comment....my family is all I have, without them I have nothing. If my husband dies it doesn't matter. Sorry to hear that Roy, I guess it is time to move on and find a new wife or gf because they are not all like that and I can tell you that from personal experience. What a pretty sad and heart breaking comment coming from your Filipino wife! Shows no love or respect! Yeah, if I were you, tuck your tail between your legs and high tail it out of Dodge and regroup as long you are willing and able! There's nothing binding you anymore to your wife and extended family! It's always greener on the other side outside of the Philippines in your dire situation! Good luck! Edited January 1, 2011 by Fil/AmArt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ekimswish Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Splitsville.... You'll be happier without her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Travis Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Doesn't seem much hope now. Wife's latest comment....my family is all I have, without them I have nothing. If my husband dies it doesn't matter. :541: run Forrest run or in this case run Roy run. I say dump her quick b4 she does you in Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No name Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Wow, I had some problem with the use of the word "them." Just not right to label the entire country that way. Some of this is culture.Family is everything to Filipino and especially Filipina. There is intense pressure on Filipina in regards to family.Marrying women with children often results in the kind of conflict you have found. Their her children not yours. I Know how frustrating it is to sit around and watch a loving mother do nothing when something is needed. Only in my case and in the case of many others, you don't have to come to the Philippines for that. That situation has nothing to do with the Philippines.They way children are raised here is different. It has its pluses and minus. I finally learned in my now dead second marriage to a Western woman, that I just had to butt out of trying to guide the kids. I'd not take direct action with the children, it needs to go through her. If she doesn't agree, its her call.Money, time to clamp down. Give her an allowance. Cut off access to all of your funds. This too presents problems if you don't want to deal with buying stuff. This isn't a Filipina issue, very common in many marriages.So many times, I see families screwing up relationships here. I've seen a few individuals in families pull some really nasty stuff. They don't just do it to expats. I've seen my one person in my GF's family pull some really nasty crap. But then again, I've seen that in Western families too.Sounds like a real mess. Honestly, I think you're about done with it. Sucks dude, not against you and don't lack empathy for your situation. I have much. I've been through so much I just can't count on anyone being there forever. It is 4am and my GF is sound asleep. If I were hungry, I could wake her up and she'd go fix me something to eat. i wont but I could.She loves to do for me.. And I've noticed that Filipina try to shield there men from problems. If there are issues in the home, yes, they will try to take care of it on their own. Can cause some real problems when the situation blows up. It is the culture. There are two reasons for this, one they are trying to take care of you. Two, Filipina TEND to avoid conflict more than what I'm use too. They don't see it as lying. Sometimes, that's been a real stretch for me. One has too look at the motives though. At least take it into consideration. The only way you're going to be able to resolve this money thing is to take control of the money again. A pain in the butt. My health is such that I just can't take complete control. But I do require her to tell me where the money is going. I made a spread sheet and have her record spending there. i don't know if you can get your wife to do that at this point. Worth a try maybe. Don't approach it like a trust thing, just tell her you need to know so you can manage the funds better. Make it a team thing, if at all possible. I don't know that it is.If not, your best bet is to file for divorce in Guam or back in your home country. The divorce will be valid and you'll come out a lot better on the property issue. She'll have to fight it there. Since she's bought that land though, she might be able to fight you, by selling it.You know, come to think of it. That land buying thing, that would cause me a great deal of concern. I hate to say it but that could be a way to get the money out of you and you can't touch it. Aww, maybe I'm being paranoid, it wouldn't be the first thing.It would be hard for me to cut her off.. She needs you're support. Its just not a pleasant place to be to be for you. See, I told you, I do have empathy, even if I don't like the blaming it on the Philippines. Most of this happens all over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 (edited) Wow, I had some problem with the use of the word "them." Just not right to label the entire country that way (natural born liars)Some of this is culture.Family is everything to Filipino and especially Filipina. There is intense pressure on Filipina in regards to family.And I've noticed that Filipina try to shield there men from problems. If there are issues in the home, yes, they will try to take care of it on their own. Can cause some real problems when the situation blows up. It is the culture. There are two reasons for this, one they are trying to take care of you. Two, Filipina TEND to avoid conflict more than what I'm use too. They don't see it as lying. Sometimes, that's been a real stretch for me. One has too look at the motives though. At least take it into consideration. I do have empathy, even if I don't like the blaming it on the Philippines. Most of this happens all over. I have edited Rusty's post above just to get my thoughts together. I agree 100% that a lot of the problems are not necessarily unique to the Filipino culture. Excellent point Rusty, that the reputation of the family name is everything to the Filipina. Many grew up with their own family problems when they were younger and then once married, would try to maintain a normal household, without all the intrigue and drama. One would hate to be the center of neighborhood tsismis (gossiping) and would resort to anything, including "white lies" or half truths. One time your family was well respected, having all kinds of exported items with upper class living. And then one day, the walls come down, allowing the gossipers to vent their jealousy upon your troubled family. Did I mentioned crab mentality?Of course, sometimes it's hard to hide the obvious. Many marital problems can be attributed to the boyfriend or husband. As compared to the Filipino men, Is it a higher percentage for the expats to wander off, coming home obnoxiously drunk and disorderly? As Rusty mentioned,the Filipina would try to shield or cover up any family problems. Remember, most of the women folks worship Mother Mary, even more so than Jesus Christ. It is a virtue to be humble and subservient. It is a virtue to suffer in silence, even when physically and mentally abused. But it comes to the point of no return when she finally gives up and just doesn't care anymore. All that she has to cherish now are her children........again, to balance this out, this is not unique to the Filipino culture.Respectfully -- Jake Edited January 6, 2011 by Jake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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