The Filipinas Driive To Support Her Family

[adventureguy]

Whatcha goin' to do? Your name Adventureguy along with that nice red Jeep Wrangler suggest to me that in spite of a broken heart, I don't think you're going to sit on your butt feeling sorry for yourself.We appreciate you sharing your experience that are both difficult and private matters of the heart. We wish youand your formal GF the very best in life.

Thanks Jake. You're right, I'm not sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I'm not normally one to hang out my dirty laundry, but I think we are all here learn from each other and help one another, so I decided to share.I'm not sure what the future holds for me and that girl, but I'm not waiting around to find out. I will continue my quest to find the one special filipina woman to share my life with. The unconditional love for and dedication to family are one of the many qualities I admire in the filipina. I wasted too many years pursuing western women. I will be content to live here permanently with my future wife to be. The last thing I would risk is taking her back to the US where she can learn all of the bad habits and values of western women. I want my filipina to stay the same wonderful woman I fell in love with in the beginning. I don't want to see her ruined by western culture. I guess I will be the one to change a little. Already I'm running on filipino time! :89: :SugarwareZ-037:

[Mr Lee]

Thanks Jake. You're right, I'm not sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I'm not normally one to hang out my dirty laundry, but I think we are all here learn from each other and help one another, so I decided to share.I'm not sure what the future holds for me and that girl, but I'm not waiting around to find out. I will continue my quest to find the one special filipina woman to share my life with. The unconditional love for and dedication to family are one of the many qualities I admire in the filipina. I wasted too many years pursuing western women. I will be content to live here permanently with my future wife to be. The last thing I would risk is taking her back to the US where she can learn all of the bad habits and values of western women. I want my filipina to stay the same wonderful woman I fell in love with in the beginning. I don't want to see her ruined by western culture. I guess I will be the one to change a little. Already I'm running on filipino time!  :89: :SugarwareZ-037:

Just to throw in my two cents here, I took my wife back to the US over 16 years ago and her values have hardly changed at all, but she has learned a lot in those years and has become a more worldly person. To balance this, we did go back and forth to the Philippines often during the early years of our marriage and in the last so many years we spend part of the year in the Philippines and the larger part in our home in Florida and she still fits right in when we are in the PHL. A lot has to do with who the woman is from the start and if she has values of her own. My wife was working six and a half days a week and sometimes seven days a week when I met her, and she had her own bank account and was already learning to save for her future, so I believe her inner need for a better life and the values she learned while working made her the woman she is today. So all, it can be done without problems and we have lots of mixed couple friends and some of the women are spoiled and yet others are just like my wife, and I feel it is very important to find the right lady and not just settle for her outer beauty or the first one who comes along. We became friends first and knew each other three years before contemplating marriage and even then she wanted to stay in the PHL and almost refused to move to the states. To this day she would rather live in the PHL and that is why we split our time, sort of as a compromise for now.Now to get myself back on topic, my wife also has the drive to help her family but balances it with our own needs and understands the value of a dollar and to me that is what makes for a great wife. 

[URGIRL]

hi adventure guy, firs and foremost :89: to the forum and sorry for what she done, but as a filipina if we have the chances for our selves that we can do something to prove to our family that we can earn money with out their help we feel its kinda success to us,especially ur gf i guess she have pride not to ask help from u.maybe she mind, shes affected on what people says to become instant rich is to have relation with the foreigner,so she need to prove them all wrong by earning her own,(grrr and thats bad about filipino they judge so fast).or maybe she force to do such things because her family insist her to do so cz u didn't give them i heard some cases like this.Anyway many people try to define levels of lying. John Stuart Mills would say that the means (the lie) justify the end.(you not getting upset over nothing in her view)Another way is to rename lying as fibbing or a little white lie.It all comes down to how you view life... is it black and white only or do you allow a little gray slipping in to your view.it depend what lie it was if u know she has lied before,of course ur going to easily get upset so don't be too hard on yourself.just over analyze things and she also realize that if she respected u and truly love u.she should have to earn ur trust and hopefully things will get better for the both of u good luck. question! how bad do you want the relationship? if you want it, then forgive. either way, knock of the silent treatment. it's not your place to punish her. you can lose your relationship that way. just love her. :SugarwareZ-037: tc and be safe... :)kind regards,che che

Hello everyone! I found this forum and joined just days before my permanent return to Cebu and I'm finally getting around to an introduction here. I have been a member of another similar well known forum for a couple of years. I joined here also in an effort to network with more expats and help others in any way possible.Last year at this time, I came to Cebu for a 5 month trial run to test myself and the environment because after a previous visit to Phils, I thought I might really want to live here full time. I quickly had my concerns answered, so I returned to the US to cut some strings and tie up some loose ends. Now I am back to stay.I had a few surpirses when I returned. Prior to leaving for the 7 months, I met a Filipina that I loved and cared for very much. She agreed to stay in my rented home and keep things until I returned. About 3 months later, she totally shocked me with a decision to go work abroad in Dubai. She claims to still have feelings for me and will return "with her own money to take care of me". I'm not quite sure what to think of it all or what to truly believe.I had to have the house locked and boarded up for the remaining months. With all of the dust and humidity here, an enormous amount of dirt and mold accumulated in the house. After 2 weeks of struggling to get a decent maid who I could trust to do some cleaning, the house is finally getting back to normal. I'm still looking for a part-time maid to work 3 or 4 days per week, so if any of you guys know of a good one in the Lapu Lapu area, let me know.

Welcome to the forum! :541: and helping others is what we are all about here, so you will fit right in and we hope you stick around. :541:Next of all I am sorry to hear about what happened with your gf. Unfortunately your story seems similar to many others I have heard or read over time, where the guy left and when he returned he found his lady married to another foreigner, so while that is not the exact thing that has happened to you, I have found over the years that the first one to make permanent plans usually ends up with the lady, sad but often true and we would like to hear more about what you think went wrong, maybe in the culture or Filipina section.  Also, I do not know of any good maids but maybe another member might have a maid for you or a connection to find a good one. Good luck, good maids are often hard to find.

[adventureguy]

hi adventure guy, firs and foremost :lol: to the forum and sorry for what she done, but as a filipina if we have the chances for our selves that we can do something to prove to our family that we can earn money with out their help we feel its kinda success to us,especially ur gf i guess she have pride not to ask help from u.maybe she mind, shes affected on what people says to become instant rich is to have relation with the foreigner,so she need to prove them all wrong by earning her own,(grrr and thats bad about filipino they judge so fast).or maybe she force to do such things because her family insist her to do so cz u didn't give them i heard some cases like this.Anyway many people try to define levels of lying. John Stuart Mills would say that the means (the lie) justify the end.(you not getting upset over nothing in her view)Another way is to rename lying as fibbing or a little white lie.It all comes down to how you view life... is it black and white only or do you allow a little gray slipping in to your view.it depend what lie it was if u know she has lied before,of course ur going to easily get upset so don't be too hard on yourself.just over analyze things and she also realize that if she respected u and truly love u.she should have to earn ur trust and hopefully things will get better for the both of u good luck. question! how bad do you want the relationship? if you want it, then forgive. either way, knock of the silent treatment. it's not your place to punish her. you can lose your relationship that way. just love her. :36_6_3[1]: tc and be safe... :)kind regards,che che

Thanks for your insight Che Che. You are right about how others view her and her desire to prove everyone wrong. Honesty is a very important issue for me. Honesty and trust go hand in hand. You cannot trust someone who is dishonest. If you can't trust the one who is supposed to be your best friend in life, then that makes for a poor and weak relationship, one which will have many problems. If you are going to build a house which will last a lifetime, then you must put a firm and strong foundation under it. Honesty and trust create a strong foundation for a good long-lasting relationship. In the eyes of God, when two get married, they become one. One way of looking at that is like the left hand telling the right hand something which hurts the right hand...not good! Little white lies which would be acceptable are the ones which the truth has no real affect on a person, but the lie spares ones feelings.There is no silent treatment on my part and I'm certainly not trying to punish her. Our lack of communication is created by her limited access. She has no cell phone or landline. She has no computer of her own to go online and internet cafes are not common or abundant in her place. The only time I get to chat with her is when she borrows the PC of a friend and I am lucky enough to be online at the same time since I never know when it will be.How bad do I want the relationship? Well, I'm not ready to gamble wasting the next two years of my life waiting on a woman who might not return or who might change her mind or might meet someone else and certainly not one who has lied to me in the way she has. I can't trust her anymore and I don't know what to really believe. The trust is gone...

[piglett]

Thanks for all of the input guys.UPDATEAs I look back over the chain of events leading to my GF going abroad, I can say that the main reason it happened is because she failed to be totally open and communicate well with me. As we all know communication is a two way street and good communication is necessary for a strong relationship. After her allowance was cutoff by her brother who returned from working abroad while I was gone, pressure came on her to do something. She was shy to ask me for help and wanted to prove herself to the family that she was not with me for my money and could make it on her own. I remember when we met last year, she had already been approved and was set to go abroad for work in Taiwan, but cancelled at the last moment to meet me instead.I think part of her decision to go abroad a few months ago was due to her desire to experience that, plus provide support to her family, plus earn money to return and have her own business. I learned yesterday that she lied to me. She originally told me that she did not go there on a contract so she could return in a few months without penalty. Her sister told me yesterday that she had gone on a two year contract. My GF said she intended to end it early, but only after maybe a year.The lie is what bothers me the most. She justifies it by saying that she did not want me to get mad with her. Well, now I am mad and more so because of the lie. It makes me wonder what else she has lied to me about. Honesty is my number one requirement in a relationship. She knows this and has violated my golden rule. I don't know if I can trust her now and I certainly don't want her to feel like its okay for her to do it again.My GF has so many great qualities and I've met many other girls here, but none compare with her. Of course my heart is invovled here and its hard to let go. I don't want to just sit here and wait for a year or possibly more for her to come back. How would you guys handle this situation?

I would say there are a lot of wonderful single ladies in the Philippines, so go on with your life and see where it leads you since 2 years is a long time, and besides that, how can you ever believe what she tells you in the future, I know I would have a hard time if it were me.

Ditto piglett

[piglett]

Well it looks like i paid for a new fishing net . I sure didn't know till i went to the bank today :(I am sure my inlaws kept on & on till my wife withdrew the funds that they wantedthe thing is part of the money in that account was to pay for my wife's credential review so she can work here in the USA. I had a long talk with my inlaws rite after i wed their daughteri explained that for my wife to get her nursing license there in the PI & for her to also then get her license to practice as an RN here was going to cost a lot of moneywhich i was willing to cover .......B U T i then told them that unless it was life or death all of my extra money was going to have to gofor my wife's visa & nursing licensesafter that i explained that i intended to help them , however they were just going to have to wait till my wife arrived here & started working as a nurseWell i guess they figured that my wife who is not working so she can study for her RN test thereon jul 2nd & 3rd was a good source of cash.i knew that my farther inlaws fishing net had been damaged however who payed for the dam nets before i showed up ????????I had intended to send 10% of my wifes earning to her parents so they could have a new larger fishing boat built & buy a new larger Honda engine to power the thing (rite now they have some cheep P O S from china that likes to overheat often). I just don't understand them being so short sightedI really wanted to do good things for these people so they could stand on their own 2 feet & do for themselves..... well at this point boys & girls they will be lucky to get $100 a month out of me once my wife arrives here.they can all go get jobs as i intend to look out for my family (me & my wife) & all others can go pound sand!!!piglett

Edited June 23, 2011 by piglett

[Mr Lee]

piglett welcome to the live for today attitude that seems like it will never change. I had a niece we put into nursing school and explained how we would pay to bring her to the states and set her up in her own place once she graduated, and that she would then be able to send tons of money home and maybe even marry a doctor or another nurse. Well it did not work and her mother and brother saw to it, so while sad, they get what they earned, which will be nothing now except some used clothing from time to time. Another sister was told to not touch the bank account that was being used for her daughters education, you guessed it, she tapped the account after asking us, and we had told her no, so now she gets nothing as well. The more in the family that do it, the happier I am because it means less money I ever have to give any of them.

[piglett]

piglett welcome to the live for today attitude that seems like it will never change. I had a niece we put into nursing school and explained how we would pay to bring her to the states and set her up in her own place once she graduated, and that she would then be able to send tons of money home and maybe even marry a doctor or another nurse. Well it did not work and her mother and brother saw to it, so while sad, they get what they earned, which will be nothing now except some used clothing from time to time. Another sister was told to not touch the bank account that was being used for her daughters education, you guessed it, she tapped the account after asking us, and we had told her no, so now she gets nothing as well. The more in the family that do it, the happier I am because it means less money I ever have to give any of them.

well after chatting with my wife on YM (she is in Manila & i usa)she said "oh i was going to tell you when we chatted & i didn't think you would be going to the bank till the end of the month" well i went early. she claims to still have p6500 & that her rent is all paid.so i told her that i wouldn't be adding any more money to the account till mid July.after all she did remove a months worth of money so i guess she will be fine for a month . (:i'm not sure if she did or didn't send money to the province but she said she didn'ti really layed into her for not telling me what she had done.i only left $10 in the account so i know no matter howm much her money sucking family asks she will have to turn them all down.piglett

[Art2ro]

P6,500 & $10! You're not talking about a whole lot of money there, but I do know what you're getting at, is that your wife didn't tell you and you have a money sucking extended family! Of all the time my wife and I have been married, we have never ever argued about money, because all of our expenses was always planned out weeks or months in advance and always had extra savings set aside for any unexpected contingencies, which no longer involves my wife's extended family, because they are totally independent from us, where my in-laws now live in the U.S. and are retired and my wife and I are retired here in the Philippines without any other extended family living with us, it's just my wife and I in our own home with a live-out housekeeper! We have no bills other than the normal daily or monthly living expenses and we aren't supporting any relatives or family here in the Philippines! We do have the ideal retirement lifestyle without the stress or headaches from other families or relatives sponging off us! I worked hard for my money and I'm surely not going to give it away to every sister, brother, aunt or uncle asking for a handout, but only to those deserving help and only for dire reasons and only for a short period of time and most often, nothing at all!

[Old55]

Well it looks like i paid for a new fishing net . I sure didn't know till i went to the bank today :(I am sure my inlaws kept on & on till my wife withdrew the funds that they wantedthe thing is part of the money in that account was to pay for my wife's credential review so she can work here in the USA. I had a long talk with my inlaws rite after i wed their daughteri explained that for my wife to get her nursing license there in the PI & for her to also then get her license to practice as an RN here was going to cost a lot of moneywhich i was willing to cover .......B U T i then told them that unless it was life or death all of my extra money was going to have to gofor my wife's visa & nursing licensesafter that i explained that i intended to help them , however they were just going to have to wait till my wife arrived here & started working as a nurseWell i guess they figured that my wife who is not working so she can study for her RN test thereon jul 2nd & 3rd was a good source of cash.i knew that my farther inlaws fishing net had been damaged however who payed for the dam nets before i showed up ????????I had intended to send 10% of my wifes earning to her parents so they could have a new larger fishing boat built & buy a new larger Honda engine to power the thing (rite now they have some cheep P O S from china that likes to overheat often). I just don't understand them being so short sightedI really wanted to do good things for these people so they could stand on their own 2 feet & do for themselves..... well at this point boys & girls they will be lucky to get $100 a month out of me once my wife arrives here.they can all go get jobs as i intend to look out for my family (me & my wife) & all others can go pound sand!!!piglett

Piglett you bring up a great point….. “what did they do before?” Well maybe they didn’t eat! It’s not so easy. I know when you wrote that you were angry but if your in-laws are truly in need maybe you guys should work something out. Maybe there is history of deception perhaps they are truly in need of a little help its your call but IMO you need to honor your wife and respect her situation. I’m curious, did you your wife and her family come to a clear agreement on financial support? Do you consider your wife’s mother and father as family? Just sayin. Edited June 23, 2011 by Old55