The Filipinas Driive To Support Her Family

[Jollygoodfellow]

Not knowing the complete situation of your wife's family; my comment may not be in tune to the situation.If the father relies on fishing as his income and also his food for the family then a catastrophic event of perhaps badly damaged nets can lead to desperate measures.What if there was no food or income for us,we might do the same thing and call on another family member to help us out so is it that bad? The only bad part I see is that you were not told. Would it be different if you were told first that some money was needed?Just wondering.

[ekimswish]

I'm dealing with the same stuff right now. You're mad because she didn't tell you, and she says she didn't tell you because you'd be mad! My wife and I are going to have a BIG talk about these things when i go back. How do you plan how to support them if your plan isn't based on honesty?I'm telling my wife right now that if she listens to me and does as I say, I'll get us to Canada in a year or so, but she has to listen to me. That's what she wants, too, because she can make more money working in Canada to support her family than she can with small businesses in the Philippines. At the same time, she persists in trying to find a way to do business, invest in things, or buy stuff for the house, as if we're going to stay there. She can reason that I'm the reason for her drive to start something in the Philippines, since I've always said it's my long term goal to live there, but right now I'm telling her to stop, and she doesn't seem to understand why. It has nothing to do with ego's, personal preference, or being in control: it's just mathematical. We don't have enough money to do everything she's trying to do. I don't tell her to stop because I'm a prick: we just don't have the money. Man, I can't wait to have this conversation. This has to happen on so many levels. Good luck to you, Piglett.

[Mr Lee]

I am sorry but I have to chime in with the same basic thought, what if my wife never married me, or what if I died, what would they do then. We have had many silly requests for money over the years that we refused, and one request for help to pay for a baby born that we turned down, because that family never repaid a large loan years before that, so what happened, they somehow managed to get the money on their own. I always say that if a wife was working before we married them and helping to support her parents, then we should continue along the same line towards the parents, but to what extent should we be required to help the brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins, second cousins and so on and on, is the big question in these marriages. It is my personal feelings that we should help elderly parents with food and medical needs, and that we should help with real family emergencies, but I have gotten to the point in my life that I refuse to help able bodied people who would otherwise find a way to help themselves, if we did not. I have found that Filipinos have a great deal of ingenuity in figuring how to get things done, so I am pretty sure that they would know how to borrow a net from a neighbor, or figure how to fix a broken net, or can make a loan to buy a new net, if we were not in the picture, but since we are, IMHO it is much easier to use that ingenuity to figure how to part us with the money needed, than to try to find another way. Unfortunately it is a fine line we all will have to draw one day, and I feel it is best drawn before a relationship if at all possible, and if not then worked out along the way, but most important is that a wife never does anything behind a husbands back because to me that is putting her family before us, and that is unacceptable to me. Equal would be OK, but our marriage and our happiness should be paramount. There is no easy answer.

[Bill Bernard]

I am sorry but I have to chime in with the same basic thought, what if my wife never married me, or what if I died, what would they do then. We have had many silly requests for money over the years that we refused, and one request for help to pay for a baby born that we turned down, because that family never repaid a large loan years before that, so what happened, they somehow managed to get the money on their own. I always say that if a wife was working before we married them and helping to support her parents, then we should continue along the same line towards the parents, but to what extent should we be required to help the brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins, second cousins and so on and on, is the big question in these marriages. It is my personal feelings that we should help elderly parents with food and medical needs, and that we should help with real family emergencies, but I have gotten to the point in my life that I refuse to help able bodied people who would otherwise find a way to help themselves, if we did not. I have found that Filipinos have a great deal of ingenuity in figuring how to get things done, so I am pretty sure that they would know how to borrow a net from a neighbor, or figure how to fix a broken net, or can make a loan to buy a new net, if we were not in the picture, but since we are, IMHO it is much easier to use that ingenuity to figure how to part us with the money needed, than to try to find another way. Unfortunately it is a fine line we all will have to draw one day, and I feel it is best drawn before a relationship if at all possible, and if not then worked out along the way, but most important is that a wife never does anything behind a husbands back because to me that is putting her family before us, and that is unacceptable to me. Equal would be OK, but our marriage and our happiness should be paramount. There is no easy answer.

When it gets right down to it- is it just the price we pay for some prime loving? You know the old story, would anyone live in the desert if there was no oil? If it wasnt for ..................................................................... nuff said

[Art2ro]

I'm dealing with the same stuff right now. You're mad because she didn't tell you, and she says she didn't tell you because you'd be mad! My wife and I are going to have a BIG talk about these things when i go back. How do you plan how to support them if your plan isn't based on honesty?I'm telling my wife right now that if she listens to me and does as I say, I'll get us to Canada in a year or so, but she has to listen to me. That's what she wants, too, because she can make more money working in Canada to support her family than she can with small businesses in the Philippines. At the same time, she persists in trying to find a way to do business, invest in things, or buy stuff for the house, as if we're going to stay there. She can reason that I'm the reason for her drive to start something in the Philippines, since I've always said it's my long term goal to live there, but right now I'm telling her to stop, and she doesn't seem to understand why. It has nothing to do with ego's, personal preference, or being in control: it's just mathematical. We don't have enough money to do everything she's trying to do. I don't tell her to stop because I'm a prick: we just don't have the money. Man, I can't wait to have this conversation. This has to happen on so many levels.

You have the correct idea in solving your money problems, just your comments I high lighted in red says it loud and clear! Your wife just have to listen, understand and go long with your plans for your future! Good luck to you Mike, your wife and kids!

[piglett]

Well it looks like i paid for a new fishing net . I sure didn't know till i went to the bank today :(I am sure my inlaws kept on & on till my wife withdrew the funds that they wantedthe thing is part of the money in that account was to pay for my wife's credential review so she can work here in the USA. I had a long talk with my inlaws rite after i wed their daughteri explained that for my wife to get her nursing license there in the PI & for her to also then get her license to practice as an RN here was going to cost a lot of moneywhich i was willing to cover .......B U T i then told them that unless it was life or death all of my extra money was going to have to gofor my wife's visa & nursing licensesafter that i explained that i intended to help them , however they were just going to have to wait till my wife arrived here & started working as a nurseWell i guess they figured that my wife who is not working so she can study for her RN test thereon jul 2nd & 3rd was a good source of cash.i knew that my farther inlaws fishing net had been damaged however who payed for the dam nets before i showed up ????????I had intended to send 10% of my wifes earning to her parents so they could have a new larger fishing boat built & buy a new larger Honda engine to power the thing (rite now they have some cheep P O S from china that likes to overheat often). I just don't understand them being so short sightedI really wanted to do good things for these people so they could stand on their own 2 feet & do for themselves..... well at this point boys & girls they will be lucky to get $100 a month out of me once my wife arrives here.they can all go get jobs as i intend to look out for my family (me & my wife) & all others can go pound sand!!!piglett

Piglett you bring up a great point….. “what did they do before?” Well maybe they didn’t eat! It’s not so easy. I know when you wrote that you were angry but if your in-laws are truly in need maybe you guys should work something out. Maybe there is history of deception perhaps they are truly in need of a little help its your call but IMO you need to honor your wife and respect her situation. I’m curious, did you your wife and her family come to a clear agreement on financial support? Do you consider your wife’s mother and father as family? Just sayin.

I am sorry but I have to chime in with the same basic thought, what if my wife never married me, or what if I died, what would they do then. We have had many silly requests for money over the years that we refused, and one request for help to pay for a baby born that we turned down, because that family never repaid a large loan years before that, so what happened, they somehow managed to get the money on their own. I always say that if a wife was working before we married them and helping to support her parents, then we should continue along the same line towards the parents, but to what extent should we be required to help the brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins, second cousins and so on and on, is the big question in these marriages. It is my personal feelings that we should help elderly parents with food and medical needs, and that we should help with real family emergencies, but I have gotten to the point in my life that I refuse to help able bodied people who would otherwise find a way to help themselves, if we did not. I have found that Filipinos have a great deal of ingenuity in figuring how to get things done, so I am pretty sure that they would know how to borrow a net from a neighbor, or figure how to fix a broken net, or can make a loan to buy a new net, if we were not in the picture, but since we are, IMHO it is much easier to use that ingenuity to figure how to part us with the money needed, than to try to find another way.Unfortunately it is a fine line we all will have to draw one day, and I feel it is best drawn before a relationship if at all possible, and if not then worked out along the way, but most important is that a wife never does anything behind a husbands back because to me that is putting her family before us, and that is unacceptable to me. Equal would be OK, but our marriage and our happiness should be paramount. There is no easy answer.

I am sorry but I have to chime in with the same basic thought, what if my wife never married me, or what if I died, what would they do then. We have had many silly requests for money over the years that we refused, and one request for help to pay for a baby born that we turned down, because that family never repaid a large loan years before that, so what happened, they somehow managed to get the money on their own. I always say that if a wife was working before we married them and helping to support her parents, then we should continue along the same line towards the parents, but to what extent should we be required to help the brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins, second cousins and so on and on, is the big question in these marriages. It is my personal feelings that we should help elderly parents with food and medical needs, and that we should help with real family emergencies, but I have gotten to the point in my life that I refuse to help able bodied people who would otherwise find a way to help themselves, if we did not. I have found that Filipinos have a great deal of ingenuity in figuring how to get things done, so I am pretty sure that they would know how to borrow a net from a neighbor, or figure how to fix a broken net, or can make a loan to buy a new net, if we were not in the picture, but since we are, IMHO it is much easier to use that ingenuity to figure how to part us with the money needed, than to try to find another way.Unfortunately it is a fine line we all will have to draw one day, and I feel it is best drawn before a relationship if at all possible, and if not then worked out along the way, but most important is that a wife never does anything behind a husbands back because to me that is putting her family before us, and that is unacceptable to me. Equal would be OK, but our marriage and our happiness should be paramount. There is no easy answer.

When it gets right down to it- is it just the price we pay for some prime loving? You know the old story, would anyone live in the desert if there was no oil? If it wasnt for ..................................................................... nuff said

I'm dealing with the same stuff right now. You're mad because she didn't tell you, and she says she didn't tell you because you'd be mad! My wife and I are going to have a BIG talk about these things when i go back. How do you plan how to support them if your plan isn't based on honesty?I'm telling my wife right now that if she listens to me and does as I say, I'll get us to Canada in a year or so, but she has to listen to me. That's what she wants, too, because she can make more money working in Canada to support her family than she can with small businesses in the Philippines. At the same time, she persists in trying to find a way to do business, invest in things, or buy stuff for the house, as if we're going to stay there. She can reason that I'm the reason for her drive to start something in the Philippines, since I've always said it's my long term goal to live there, but right now I'm telling her to stop, and she doesn't seem to understand why. It has nothing to do with ego's, personal preference, or being in control: it's just mathematical. We don't have enough money to do everything she's trying to do. I don't tell her to stop because I'm a prick: we just don't have the money. Man, I can't wait to have this conversation. This has to happen on so many levels.

You have the correct idea in solving your money problems, just your comments I high lighted in red says it loud and clear! Your wife just have to listen, understand and go long with your plans for your future! Good luck to you Mike, your wife and kids!

wow thanks for all the input guysnow that i am not seeing red & have calmed down things look a bit differentif my wife still has money in her pocket when i arrive in Manila on July 4th i guess she was telling the truth & maybe she didn't buy a new fishing net for her fartherthere is a history of her family making her feel bad & then she gives in & she gives them money.the last time this happened she had just been paid & 3 days later she text me & says"i'm all out of money & i have nothing to eat here" W T F ?????so i tell her to head to the cafe so we can chat (i guess she still had p15 left)she tells me that she gave all her pay to her mother in the provincei told her that was the last time that i would bail her out & from now on she couldn't give her food money away.here is the thing my wife has 2 grown older sisters that live at homeboth these sisters are married one to a pinoy who lives in Mississippi & the oldest sister has a 3 year old daughter & her husband works on a container ship.also my mother inlaw has a vegtable stand in town so i see other streames of income herenot just me. it looks now like i will have to have 100% control of all money (except for my wife's pocket money)& if anyone from her family wants money they will have to deal with me.I will be damed if i'm going to work the next 20 years so able bodied people can sit around on their @sses.nope not going to happen on my watch !!!if i have to play the prick son inlaw that is really tight with his cash so be it thanks allpiglett