The Dreaded Chaperone

[adventureguy]

Since I've been back the last couple of weeks, I have had many opportunities to meet different girls be it from online sites or just when I'm out in public. I understand the customs of girls being chaperoned, but its gets old very quick.I have been on a few of these dates and many times the chaperone/friend/cousin is more talkative than the one I am supposed to meet. There have even been a few times that I was more attracted to the chaperone, but do I dare try to cross that line? Is there an easy way to switch my focus on the other girl without offending or hurting anyone?The real problem is that it becomes difficult to even get a meeting with some girls if you are not willing to accept the third wheel and then its harder to really know the girl because the third wheel is so distractive. It also becomes a more expensive date because you are expected to pay for the extra meal or whatever the activity expense is.If I can even quickly determine that I like her enough to see her again, when and how can I move past this third wheel for more private time? I know there are many who have faced this akward situation and I'm interested to know how you have dealt with it. If any of you guys have any thoughts, suggestions, advice or even stories on this, please share.:crack-up:

Edited December 2, 2010 by adventureguy

[Jake]

Since I've been back the last couple of weeks, I have had many opportunities to meet different girls be it from online sites or just when I'm out in public. I understand the customs of girls being chaperoned, but its gets old very quick.I have been on a few of these dates and many times the chaperone/friend/cousin is more talkative than the one I am supposed to meet. There have even been a few times that I was more attracted to the chaperone, but do I dare try to cross that line? Is there an easy way to switch my focus on the other girl without offending or hurting anyone?The real problem is that it becomes difficult to even get a meeting with some girls if you are not willing to accept the third wheel and then its harder to really know the girl because the third wheel is so distractive. It also becomes a more expensive date because you are expected to pay for the extra meal or whatever the activity expense is.If I can even quickly determine that I like her enough to see her again, when and how can I move past this third wheel for more private time? I know there are many who have faced this akward situation and I'm interested to know how you have dealt with it. If any of you guys have any thoughts, suggestions, advice or even stories on this, please share.:crack-up:

Being a Filipino does have a little home court advantage. Upon our return from Japan (http://www.philippin...indpost&p=27675)Judy and I continued our courtship back in her hometown of Batangas City, Luzon. Her sister Joy followed us everywhere butsomehow Judy ask her to have more discretion during our private moments. But I knew the games they were playing. Theywere both teasing me to test me out. In retrospect, my integrity and self respect remained intact. For many Filipinas, especially the "probinsya" (women from the remote provinces), you may need to overcome the final step byformally asking the patriarch/matriarch permission to be engage. I personally had to ask her Lola (grandmother) and havinga nice box of chocolates (imported of course) for bribery played a major role in diplomacy. Good luck and happy hunting -- Jake Edited December 2, 2010 by Jake

[Jim Sibbick]

Since I've been back the last couple of weeks, I have had many opportunities to meet different girls be it from online sites or just when I'm out in public. I understand the customs of girls being chaperoned, but its gets old very quick.I have been on a few of these dates and many times the chaperone/friend/cousin is more talkative than the one I am supposed to meet. There have even been a few times that I was more attracted to the chaperone, but do I dare try to cross that line? Is there an easy way to switch my focus on the other girl without offending or hurting anyone?The real problem is that it becomes difficult to even get a meeting with some girls if you are not willing to accept the third wheel and then its harder to really know the girl because the third wheel is so distractive. It also becomes a more expensive date because you are expected to pay for the extra meal or whatever the activity expense is.If I can even quickly determine that I like her enough to see her again, when and how can I move past this third wheel for more private time? I know there are many who have faced this akward situation and I'm interested to know how you have dealt with it. If any of you guys have any thoughts, suggestions, advice or even stories on this, please share.:crack-up:

If you are seeking a prostitute, of course you will be hoping for no chaperone. If you are seeking a life time partner and she does not require a chaperone, she is not the one for you.Since the chaperone will most likely be closely related to the girl, my opinion is to forget about the chaperone.If you are seeking a long term companion, forget about online sites and just start attending expat functions. If you are in Cebu City, there are several coming up in the next week or so. I know of a pool party and a boat trip coming up which everyone is invited to. There are also regular expat get togethers in Cebu City such as Ten Pin Bowling on Wednesdays or running/walking with the Cebu Hash House Harriers on Saturdays.Then at these get togethers, if you are asked if your single, say yes and you will get plenty of offers of potential life time partners.If you need more information about expat get togethers in Cebu City, send me a PM.Regards; Jim

[Jake]

Since I've been back the last couple of weeks, I have had many opportunities to meet different girls be it from online sites or just when I'm out in public. I understand the customs of girls being chaperoned, but its gets old very quick.I have been on a few of these dates and many times the chaperone/friend/cousin is more talkative than the one I am supposed to meet. There have even been a few times that I was more attracted to the chaperone, but do I dare try to cross that line? Is there an easy way to switch my focus on the other girl without offending or hurting anyone?The real problem is that it becomes difficult to even get a meeting with some girls if you are not willing to accept the third wheel and then its harder to really know the girl because the third wheel is so distractive. It also becomes a more expensive date because you are expected to pay for the extra meal or whatever the activity expense is.If I can even quickly determine that I like her enough to see her again, when and how can I move past this third wheel for more private time? I know there are many who have faced this akward situation and I'm interested to know how you have dealt with it. If any of you guys have any thoughts, suggestions, advice or even stories on this, please share.:crack-up:

If you are seeking a prostitute, of course you will be hoping for no chaperone. If you are seeking a life time partner and she does not require a chaperone, she is not the one for you.Since the chaperone will most likely be closely related to the girl, my opinion is to forget about the chaperone.If you are seeking a long term companion, forget about online sites and just start attending expat functions. If you are in Cebu City, there are several coming up in the next week or so. I know of a pool party and a boat trip coming up which everyone is invited to. There are also regular expat get togethers in Cebu City such as Ten Pin Bowling on Wednesdays or running/walking with the Cebu Hash House Harriers on Saturdays.Then at these get togethers, if you are asked if your single, say yes and you will get plenty of offers of potential life time partners.If you need more information about expat get togethers in Cebu City, send me a PM.Regards; Jim

Hey Big Jim,Thank you for your street smarts, which apparent came from long term experience directly from ground level, the good and the bad.By the way, enjoy the colorful photos from your website. You have probably seen more of the Philippines than the average explorer combined. Respectfully -- Jake

[Old55]

Since I've been back the last couple of weeks, I have had many opportunities to meet different girls be it from online sites or just when I'm out in public. I understand the customs of girls being chaperoned, but its gets old very quick.I have been on a few of these dates and many times the chaperone/friend/cousin is more talkative than the one I am supposed to meet. There have even been a few times that I was more attracted to the chaperone, but do I dare try to cross that line? Is there an easy way to switch my focus on the other girl without offending or hurting anyone?The real problem is that it becomes difficult to even get a meeting with some girls if you are not willing to accept the third wheel and then its harder to really know the girl because the third wheel is so distractive. It also becomes a more expensive date because you are expected to pay for the extra meal or whatever the activity expense is.If I can even quickly determine that I like her enough to see her again, when and how can I move past this third wheel for more private time? I know there are many who have faced this akward situation and I'm interested to know how you have dealt with it. If any of you guys have any thoughts, suggestions, advice or even stories on this, please share.:crack-up:

If you are seeking a prostitute, of course you will be hoping for no chaperone. If you are seeking a life time partner and she does not require a chaperone, she is not the one for you.Since the chaperone will most likely be closely related to the girl, my opinion is to forget about the chaperone.If you are seeking a long term companion, forget about online sites and just start attending expat functions. If you are in Cebu City, there are several coming up in the next week or so. I know of a pool party and a boat trip coming up which everyone is invited to. There are also regular expat get togethers in Cebu City such as Ten Pin Bowling on Wednesdays or running/walking with the Cebu Hash House Harriers on Saturdays.Then at these get togethers, if you are asked if your single, say yes and you will get plenty of offers of potential life time partners.If you need more information about expat get togethers in Cebu City, send me a PM.Regards; Jim

Jim nailed it. I agree 100%!A good subtopic would be; “How to court a nice Filipina” or “The courting process old school Filipino family”.

[Mr Lee]

Since I've been back the last couple of weeks, I have had many opportunities to meet different girls be it from online sites or just when I'm out in public. I understand the customs of girls being chaperoned, but its gets old very quick.I have been on a few of these dates and many times the chaperone/friend/cousin is more talkative than the one I am supposed to meet. There have even been a few times that I was more attracted to the chaperone, but do I dare try to cross that line? Is there an easy way to switch my focus on the other girl without offending or hurting anyone?The real problem is that it becomes difficult to even get a meeting with some girls if you are not willing to accept the third wheel and then its harder to really know the girl because the third wheel is so distractive. It also becomes a more expensive date because you are expected to pay for the extra meal or whatever the activity expense is.If I can even quickly determine that I like her enough to see her again, when and how can I move past this third wheel for more private time? I know there are many who have faced this akward situation and I'm interested to know how you have dealt with it. If any of you guys have any thoughts, suggestions, advice or even stories on this, please share.:crack-up:

As Jim and others said or agree to, a chaperone is often the cost of find a good lady, so it will all depend on what type of lady you seek. The only advice I can give is to only accept one chaperone and not a whole entourage of them, which I have seem in the malls with newbies eating at the most expensive restaurants. If you take a lady out with her chaperone, then ask her where she wants to eat and if she picks an expensive place then dump her fast, or suddenly feel ill and call it a day. :thats-funny: IMO an inexpensive meal with two or even four cost far less in the PHL than a normal meal back home for one, so that is the price one pays to end up with a good girl. 

[Art2ro]

Nah! Don't pussy foot around! Just tell her and all of them what you really want! Just kidding! I courted my wife for 6 years long distance before we got married, because when she was just 18 yrs old when we first met, I knew she wasn't ready yet for a relationship, so I waited! And when she was 24, I saw that she was ready, I didn't pussy foot around! We got married within 72 hours from the time I popped the question to her, her parents and close relatives! 22 years later, we're here in the Philippines retired and still enjoying life!

Edited December 2, 2010 by Fil/AmArt

[adventureguy]

Let me make one thing very clear. I am not looking for a prostitute. I am looking for a lifetime partner. It just seems difficult to quickly determine if there is any real interest in the girl from these chaperoned situations.

[Mr Lee]

Let me make one thing very clear. I am not looking for a prostitute. I am looking for a lifetime partner. It just seems difficult to quickly determine if there is any real interest in the girl from these chaperoned situations.

Please do not get insulted by members posts because many people look for different things in the PHL and you will find all types in the PHL, and it has been my experience that many and maybe even most that I have met in the PHL are only out for a good time, so separating the good from the bad is not easy for the locals to do and the bad make it bad for those of us with good intentions.Yes chaperones are a pain at times but a necessary evil of sorts to make sure that the guys do not have bad intentions, but once you know the lady for a short while and have sat with the family and gotten to know them, then often the chaperone situation will stop if you are in a public place such as a mall, so you can get to know the lady without prying ears that way. I had it worse when I met my wife because her boss was a big shot in the city we met and knew everyone, so no matter where we went they watched us, and back then while out in the provinces she came from, a couple would have to marry immediately just for holding hands, and one of our very young nieces ended up married the next day for just kissing her boyfriend. Times have changed in the cities but many old fashioned ladies do not wish to be seen with a foreigner if they are not in a real relationship because other locals often think of them as prostitutes when they do.Come to our get together in March or April or both posted HERE and you will probably meet some nice ladies there or meet people who know nice ladies. My past experience tells me that a person should hang out with people who are either in the same situation you wish to be in, or persons who wish to be, and you will then meet the same type of ladies that way. Good luck in your search and even some of the members on this forum are women who also seek a good partner, so read and post and you might be pleasantly surprised.

[adventureguy]

Let me make one thing very clear. I am not looking for a prostitute. I am looking for a lifetime partner. It just seems difficult to quickly determine if there is any real interest in the girl from these chaperoned situations.

Please do not get insulted by members posts because many people look for different things in the PHL and you will find all types in the PHL, and it has been my experience that many and maybe even most that I have met in the PHL are only out for a good time, so separating the good from the bad is not easy for the locals to do and the bad make it bad for those of us with good intentions.Yes chaperones are a pain at times but a necessary evil of sorts to make sure that the guys do not have bad intentions, but once you know the lady for a short while and have sat with the family and gotten to know them, then often the chaperone situation will stop if you are in a public place such as a mall, so you can get to know the lady without prying ears that way. I had it worse when I met my wife because her boss was a big shot in the city we met and knew everyone, so no matter where we went they watched us, and back then while out in the provinces she came from, a couple would have to marry immediately just for holding hands, and one of our very young nieces ended up married the next day for just kissing her boyfriend. Times have changed in the cities but many old fashioned ladies do not wish to be seen with a foreigner if they are not in a real relationship because other locals often think of them as prostitutes when they do.Come to our get together in March or April or both posted HERE and you will probably meet some nice ladies there or meet people who know nice ladies. My past experience tells me that a person should hang out with people who are either in the same situation you wish to be in, or persons who wish to be, and you will then meet the same type of ladies that way. Good luck in your search and even some of the members on this forum are women who also seek a good partner, so read and post and you might be pleasantly surprised.

Thanks for your respnse Mr. Lee and everyone else. All advices are welcomed and appreciated. :yes: