sjp52 Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Ok, i really need some help with this, I have been living in the visayas for 4 years now, fell in love lived together, broke up, lived together, broke up, got married! thinking that would cure it all, had a baby, one month old now, My wife has really gone silent, hasn't said one word to me since december 22. I try and try to get her to talk, then I just go silent with her, thinking she will come around. I don't even know what I did, she will text me from the next room, rarely. she sleeps on the floor in the other room, right next to the mattress! she text me the other day and said she wants out of this, she wants 250,000 and she will go away and leave me alone. I don't want this. I don't think in her state of mind she should be in control of money like that, she is a city girl, great english. Always been a little maldita but this is too weird. I have told her I want to take her to a doctor, she texts me and says, "no way, nothing wrong with me" I talked to her family. She says she can make trouble for me if I don't give her this money. I wonder what the child support laws are here, I would be much happier paying by the month and having a court order. What are the laws for this here, If I took her to the doctor it would have to be by force and I dont want that, anyone have any input. The silence is so loud!after 4 years of being with her, I think if you think about it real hard you can realize why you two are not getting along. You two are probably both stubborn and neither one wants to give in to the other. If you want it to work you have to be the one to tell her that you will be the one to change and be a better husband ( even if it is not all your fault ). If you treat her better than you treat yourself I think in time she will come around and treat you the same. It all depends on how much she means to you. It is so easy to say she said this and she did that. The hard part is to analyze yourself and find out what you are doing wrong and correct it. You should tell her that you love her very much and you will show her how much she means to you and do it. If she continues to alienate you after 3 or 4 weeks then she has fallen out of love with you and it is time to move on. But you should love that baby still even if you can not see it and show your love for him or her by paying support. The baby did not do any thing bad to you. You owe it to her or him to take care of him or her. Good luck and I hope it works out for your whole families sake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ekimswish Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Mike you may be correct and I may have jumped to a wrong conclusion and if so I am sorry, but going silent is something I have seen way too many times in my life with Filipinas, and while it might have been caused by other things, way too many foreigners that I have met seem to not understand the culture and therefore end up upsetting their sensitive ladies. I wish the guy well but as Tom (Boss Man) said, chances are he may never be back. I just hope it will not be for reasons we may read about in the news. Sorry Lee.... I wasn't saying either of us is right or wrong. I was just mentioning that none of us know the whole story, so while we have different ideas about what's going on and different advice, it's up to him to decide if any of it makes sense to his situation or not. It's really just about venting and getting as many opinions as possible, if for no other reason, to vent. Whether he takes the advice or not is up to him. Back to silent treatment: I hate it. I shouldn't say that, actually. I used to hate it. I appreciate it to a degree now. It's nice to have quiet time hear and there. But silent treatment is more of an Asian thing than just a Filipina thing, and what I've seen is it's used just as often to manipulate a relationship, with bad intentions, as it is to punish a guy for being a prick. So many girls in Asia use it as a way to beat a guy into surrendering to what they want. After a while, like Chinese water torture, a guy will start apologizing for stuff he's not even sure if he did. That's when the less-than-honest-girl knows that she has him right where she wants him. So yeah, of course guys are often meat-heads and do stupid things that piss off the girl and she goes into silent treatment because she's really hurt. But my first instinct when I see silent treatment is to distrust the motives and intentions. It's an Asian thing. My theory is that in this particular male-dominated region of the world, women have learned certain secrets of the trade to manipulate their men in very discreet ways, rather than the over-the-top, loud mouth, share all of our feelings, western woman method. It works, too. Anyways, here's another possibility: maybe this is a relationship where he's an old guy with the appearance of wealth and she's a young Filipina who pretended to love him to get the financial stability of marrying a westerner, got married and had a baby to committ him a little further, and now is pulling out because that was her plan all along? I give that a 50% likelihood. It happens all the time. If it's not post-natal depression, or some huge thing he's done wrong, then that's probably what it is IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Lee Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 (edited) No problem with me Mike.One more thing we could put into the mix is, is it even his baby. While i hate to mention this, one guy I knew in the US Filipina wife had a baby that looked 100% Filipino and I suggested he do a DNA test when the wife started pulling away from him and doing other things I will not mention here, and his macho answer to me was "it is my baby for sure" so I dropped it. Well this guy then did the test and the baby was not his and the wife admitted to an affair with a Filipino coworker and she was going to leave him anyway and the test just brought it about quicker but in the mean time she got him to buy her a new car and all types of other things before he found out it was not his child. So like Mike said, anything is possible and we do not have enough info to make a good judgement and even try to help, but she could want the money to start a new life with another man and maybe he should have a DNA test done to make sure the baby is even his before deciding if he wants to support the child. Added, I should add to this post that the guy treated his wife poorly and often yelled at her and embarrassed her in public places. Edited January 16, 2011 by Mr. Lee add content Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 (edited) Nothing personal, just business...At the end of the day, he's gonna do what he's gonna do, but by sharing his experience here, maybe he's reminded others to be careful and value their relationships, or avoid the loonies at the start of it. At the same time, we help a brotha vent. Lee might be right that he did something to offend her. Neither of us know, which backs Inspector's point that we don't know enough to really help. Still, I think there's nothing wrong with venting, and I think Art's experiences are very valid and worthy to be shared. I never knew about post-natal depression until I read about it after my wife gave birth. She thought she had it, but I recognized she wasn't quite there and was more or less being her whiney self (love you baby ;) Had I not read about it (being a bit of a redneck), and had my wife actually had it, I would've loved to have vented online and then read Art's post. It would've helped me a lot. Hey guys,Again, I took the liberty of chopping Ekimswish's post above, just to highlight my train of thought. To tell you the truth, this is the very firsttime I've been involved with any sort of internet discussion. Boss Man's forum is the only one in town that makes it all worthwhile to readand contribute advice and life's experience. Similar to Paol's predicament, the comments (pros and cons) were all valid inputs based on individual's experience. For example, Art's first hand knowledge of post natal depression could be the root cause of wife's behavior and should be investigated by the local doctors immediately. Others felt that the OP is not telling the whole story with Roy and Softail's opinion stating that problems were already in the making prior to marriage. And then you have United Army (recovered from his own ordeal) stating that "sometimes walking away is not always easy". And then you have Lee trying to educate us in the difficulties of another culture, which some of us are unwilling to adapt. Boss Man's comment is also very likely to be true. The OP is the primary problem and may not post anymore. Well, at least we gave him the opportunity to vent as my good friend Ekimswish stipulates. And so, what the hell is Jake talking about here? With guidance from Boss Man and Lee, we all share and felt compassion for our fellowman AND woman. Old55, Inspector and SJP52 says it all -- the infant child is first and foremost priority, no matter which side is the "dirty one".Respectfully -- Jake Edited January 17, 2011 by Jake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Art2ro Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 (edited) This is what makes a forum, sharing one's life experiences so that it may open one's eyes to all of the possibilities! There's no right or wrong about any of the comments made here, it's all about opening the eyes and minds of those who have horse blinders on! Maybe the OP was just too ashamed or embarrassed to further share his predicament on an open forum! Paol, who has just married a bar girl is just the example and he had to go through Lee to share his life experiences with us all and wanted to hear straight forward opinions from forum members here and he got it, weather it helped or not! Did Paol make the right decision? Only time will tell and the same goes for californiaman! All we can do is wish them good luck! Good Luck! Edited January 17, 2011 by Fil/AmArt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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