Mr Lee Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 So do you think this is true? Can you add any tips of your own? They might be 30 or 75. They come in all colors, shapes, sizes and income brackets. It doesn't matter how long they've been together. Whatever the demographics, when you see a happy couple, you just know it! How do these couples stay in love, in good times and in bad? Fortunately, the answer isn't through luck or chance. As a result of hard work and commitment, they figure out the importance of the following relationship "musts." Happy Couples and Their Secrets Develop a realistic view of committed relationships. Recognize that the crazy infatuation you experienced when your romance was new won't last. A deeper, richer relationship, and one that should still include romance, will replace it. A long-term relationship has ups and downs, and expecting it will be all sunny and roses all the time is unrealistic. Work on the relationship. An untended garden develops weeds that can ultimately kill even the heartiest plants. And so it is with relationships. It is important to address problems and misunderstandings immediately. Some people believe good relationships just happen naturally. The truth is that a good relationship, like anything you want to succeed in life, must be worked on and tended to on a regular basis. Neglect the relationship, and it will often go downhill. Spend time together. There is no substitute for shared quality time. When you make a point of being together, without kids, pets and other interruptions, you will form a bond that will get you through life's rough spots. Time spent together should be doing a shared activity, not just watching television. Make room for "separateness." Perhaps going against conventional wisdom, spending time apart is also an important component of a happy relationship. It is healthy to have some separate interests and activities and to come back to the relationship refreshed and ready to share your experiences. Missing your partner helps remind you how important he or she is to you. Make the most of your differences. Stop and think: What most attracted you to your partner at the beginning? I'll almost guarantee that it was exactly the thing that drives you most insane today. Take a fresh look at these differences. Try to focus on their positive aspects and find an appreciation for those exact things that make the two of you different from one another. It's likely that your differences balance one another out and make you a great team. Don't expect your partner to change; but at the same time give them more of what they want. If both you and your partner stop trying to change each other, you will eliminate the source of most of your arguments. At the same time, each of you should focus on giving one another more of what you know the other person wants, even if it doesn't come naturally. For instance, instead of complaining how your partner never cleans out the dishwasher, try just doing it yourself once in awhile without complaint. Your partner will likely notice your effort and make more of an effort himself around the house. If you do both of these things at once you've got a winning plan! Accept that some problems can't be solved. There may be issues upon which you cannot agree. Rather than expending wasted energy, agree to disagree, and attempt to compromise or to work around the issue. Two people cannot spend years together without having legitimate areas of disagreement. The test of a happy relationship is how they choose to work through such issues — through compromise, change, or finding it’s just not that important to stew over. Communicate!! Lack of communication is the number one reason even good relationships fail. And here is a useful format for doing so, especially when dealing with incendiary topics: Listen to your partner's position, without interrupting him. Just listen. When he is finished, summarize what you heard him say. If you can, empathize with your significant other even though you don't agree. This will take your partner off the defensive, and make it easier for him to hear your thoughts and feelings. It's hard to argue when you use this format, and best of all, you may come up with an understanding or a solution. Honesty is essential. You may share with your partner the things he doesn't want to hear. Better this than to have him doubt your honesty. Mistrust is one of the key deal breakers in relationships. And once trust is lost or broken, it can take a very long time to re-establish it in the relationship.The happiest couples are the ones where honesty is as natural and every day as breathing. Respect your partner, and don't take him for granted. Treating your sweetheart with respect is likely to get you the same in return. And regularly reminding him how much he means to you will enrich your relationship in indescribable ways. When you say, “I love you,” pause for a moment to really mean it. And don’t be afraid to express your feelings of appreciation with your partner — he will be thankful that you did. Making these secrets an integral part of your relationship won't be easy. In fact, your efforts may initially seem like planted seeds that never come up. If you maintain your efforts, however, you will likely reap what you sow. Link to this story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elsa Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 (edited) So do you think this is true? Can you add any tips of your own? They might be 30 or 75. They come in all colors, shapes, sizes and income brackets. It doesn't matter how long they've been together. Whatever the demographics, when you see a happy couple, you just know it! How do these couples stay in love, in good times and in bad? Fortunately, the answer isn't through luck or chance. As a result of hard work and commitment, they figure out the importance of the following relationship "musts." Happy Couples and Their Secrets Develop a realistic view of committed relationships. Recognize that the crazy infatuation you experienced when your romance was new won't last. A deeper, richer relationship, and one that should still include romance, will replace it. A long-term relationship has ups and downs, and expecting it will be all sunny and roses all the time is unrealistic. Work on the relationship. An untended garden develops weeds that can ultimately kill even the heartiest plants. And so it is with relationships. It is important to address problems and misunderstandings immediately. Some people believe good relationships just happen naturally. The truth is that a good relationship, like anything you want to succeed in life, must be worked on and tended to on a regular basis. Neglect the relationship, and it will often go downhill. Spend time together. There is no substitute for shared quality time. When you make a point of being together, without kids, pets and other interruptions, you will form a bond that will get you through life's rough spots. Time spent together should be doing a shared activity, not just watching television. Make room for "separateness." Perhaps going against conventional wisdom, spending time apart is also an important component of a happy relationship. It is healthy to have some separate interests and activities and to come back to the relationship refreshed and ready to share your experiences. Missing your partner helps remind you how important he or she is to you. Make the most of your differences. Stop and think: What most attracted you to your partner at the beginning? I'll almost guarantee that it was exactly the thing that drives you most insane today. Take a fresh look at these differences. Try to focus on their positive aspects and find an appreciation for those exact things that make the two of you different from one another. It's likely that your differences balance one another out and make you a great team. Don't expect your partner to change; but at the same time give them more of what they want. If both you and your partner stop trying to change each other, you will eliminate the source of most of your arguments. At the same time, each of you should focus on giving one another more of what you know the other person wants, even if it doesn't come naturally. For instance, instead of complaining how your partner never cleans out the dishwasher, try just doing it yourself once in awhile without complaint. Your partner will likely notice your effort and make more of an effort himself around the house. If you do both of these things at once you've got a winning plan! Accept that some problems can't be solved. There may be issues upon which you cannot agree. Rather than expending wasted energy, agree to disagree, and attempt to compromise or to work around the issue. Two people cannot spend years together without having legitimate areas of disagreement. The test of a happy relationship is how they choose to work through such issues — through compromise, change, or finding it’s just not that important to stew over. Communicate!! Lack of communication is the number one reason even good relationships fail. And here is a useful format for doing so, especially when dealing with incendiary topics: Listen to your partner's position, without interrupting him. Just listen. When he is finished, summarize what you heard him say. If you can, empathize with your significant other even though you don't agree. This will take your partner off the defensive, and make it easier for him to hear your thoughts and feelings. It's hard to argue when you use this format, and best of all, you may come up with an understanding or a solution. Honesty is essential. You may share with your partner the things he doesn't want to hear. Better this than to have him doubt your honesty. Mistrust is one of the key deal breakers in relationships. And once trust is lost or broken, it can take a very long time to re-establish it in the relationship.The happiest couples are the ones where honesty is as natural and every day as breathing. Respect your partner, and don't take him for granted. Treating your sweetheart with respect is likely to get you the same in return. And regularly reminding him how much he means to you will enrich your relationship in indescribable ways. When you say, “I love you,” pause for a moment to really mean it. And don’t be afraid to express your feelings of appreciation with your partner — he will be thankful that you did. Making these secrets an integral part of your relationship won't be easy. In fact, your efforts may initially seem like planted seeds that never come up. If you maintain your efforts, however, you will likely reap what you sow. Link to this story I am not sure how do other couple does in their personal marriage life as I believe that we have different styles and techniques but, would love to share things of our own as one of the happy married couple: 11. Laugh/ Smile Together everyday12. Talk about your dreams/ wants and plan in life before going to bed or while in bed13. Realize how lucky person you are of having the best partner while feeling the pleasure upon looking at him14.Never forget to say " I Love you" 15. Give presents (tangible or intangible)16. Appreciate your partner17. Wink, hug, kiss and cuddle everyday18. Never keep secrets ( as I am comfy to share my passwords of any of my account )20. Have a Romantic Date/ Dinner once a week ( or more if you can afford to)21. Leave a love notes on the floor/ bed/ toilet or wherever22. Make fun and do crazy things23.Think about how in love you are to your partner while they are still there and not only when they are not around24. Be thoughtful25.Shower for not less than twice a day 26.Be sensitive of what your partner wants as this is important as yours 27. Be Proud of your partner 28. Trust your partner for 100% 29. Compromise 30. Never forget that you came from different planetsI can write so much more but its all just because of LOVE- when you love the all positive things follows!But all this things just happen automatically without planning, not even to feel that I am giving something not even feeling that I put effort of working on this. I only simply EXPRESS of what I am and how I feel inside towards him. I believe that I love him because of what he is and not because he loves me or else it will be just a trade which can be bought through monetary value. Elsawww.Denial of service Edited April 15, 2011 by Elsa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 (edited) Mabuhay Elsa,We appreciate your love potion with a personal touch. All the items you listed got a strong nod of approval from me. I especially like "laugh/smile together everyday". I love giving small and spur of the moment surprises. A single rose, even during good times brings a warm smile to my wife Judy. Like I said in my previous posts, our marriage of nearly 26 years was an emotional roller coaster ride, with a couple derailments along the way. But with the formula you havethoughtfully revealed, we somehow managed to ride it out.Depending on what source you would find, the average divorce rate in California is at least 60%. In Europe, it's lessthan 20% and Australia is even less than that.Thank you for your inspiration and my warm regards to your hubby Paul -- Jake Edited April 15, 2011 by Jake correcting percentages Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Art2ro Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 IMHO, bottom line, "it's cheaper to keep her" at our old age! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muddyleopard Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 nice tips thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Cockroach Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Hehehe.. Why bother to begin with? What to lose from not having a parner?? Duh!Zanby. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randiei Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 Thank you Mr. Lee, Elsa, and Jake, I got a lot out of your posts here! :)Art2ro, you're so practical!! lol 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 Thank you Mr. Lee, Elsa, and Jake, I got a lot out of your posts here! :)Art2ro, you're so practical!! lolWell, thank you Randy. I guess part of being human is to be imperfect. Otherwise, things would getreally boring if we all had a garden of Eden, no stress-no worries lifestyle....he, he. If I may, I would like to add one more thing to Elsa's number 11: Besides smiles and laughter, I thinkwe should cry together as well. These days, two heavy hearts becoming as one when the smiles docome back is so simple yet so powerful between the two spirits. Respectfully -- Jake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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