Online Dating

[Mr Lee]

Forums are made up mostly of men, so we are always hearing the mans POV and rarely do we hear what the women have to say, so I am going to relate one story for you. We have a niece who was doing the online dating thing with a guy from the US last year. My niece would always get online with me while waiting for him and tell me what was going on, so I did a check on the guy and found that he was in his 60's and was telling her that he was in his 50's, lie number one. He did send her small amounts of money to help her communicate with him, so he was generous, but lie number two was that he told her that he was coming over to meet and marry her and all within a week, and then lie number three was that he was going to bring her right back to the US with him. Now I do not know if this man was just ignorant of the laws and process, or was just trying to get her virginity, but my guess would be the later, because lie number four was that she was the only one he was chatting with. Now I kept telling her to take it slow and not get her hopes up, but she was sure the guy was telling her the total truth, and did not believe me when I told her he could not do what he was promising, and she was sure that she was coming to the US and that she would be able to see us there, so who was I to bust her bubble, yet I did tell her to be careful and not jump into bed with him once he got here and promised to marry her right afterwards, and to make sure it was a legal marriage if they did marry because I told her that it takes more than one week to get it all done. Yes our niece is naive since she lives in the provinces. She asked me and my wife to call him in the states and we did not want to but she told us that he wanted us to, so we did and he was evasive and did not want to tell me much about himself, but I already knew all about him anyway. So the day comes that he finally supposedly arrives and he emails her that he married someone else in Cebu City, so did he or didn't he, either way he lied about a lot of things. So guys we wonder why some ladies become hardened and while others turn into scammers, and we forget that a lot of guys tell these ladies what they think they want to hear, and lie about anything and everything, and some even say they were only married once when they were married many many times. So please keep in mind that honesty is the best policy, and do not promise what you do not intend to fulfill, because hearts do get broken on the other side as well, and the possible repercussions might be the making of another scammer, or at the very least a hardened person.

[RetiredNavyGuy]

Absolutely agreed. As I said in another thread, a lot of us guys are jerks (me not included, I hope). Every jerk makes it more difficult for every guy that follows because he has needlessly, and often deliberately, caused hurt on the other side of the equation. I would like to find a way to ban all of them from the internet, forever.

Edited May 17, 2011 by RetiredNavyGuy

[Fast&Furious]

Forums are made up mostly of men, so we are always hearing the mans POV and rarely do we hear what the women have to say, so I am going to relate one story for you. We have a niece who was doing the online dating thing with a guy from the US last year. My niece would always get online with me while waiting for him and tell me what was going on, so I did a check on the guy and found that he was in his 60's and was telling her that he was in his 50's, lie number one. He did send her small amounts of money to help her communicate with him, so he was generous, but lie number two was that he told her that he was coming over to meet and marry her and all within a week, and then lie number three was that he was going to bring her right back to the US with him. Now I do not know if this man was just ignorant of the laws and process, or was just trying to get her virginity, but my guess would be the later, because lie number four was that she was the only one he was chatting with. Now I kept telling her to take it slow and not get her hopes up, but she was sure the guy was telling her the total truth, and did not believe me when I told her he could not do what he was promising, and she was sure that she was coming to the US and that she would be able to see us there, so who was I to bust her bubble, yet I did tell her to be careful and not jump into bed with him once he got here and promised to marry her right afterwards, and to make sure it was a legal marriage if they did marry because I told her that it takes more than one week to get it all done. Yes our niece is naive since she lives in the provinces. She asked me and my wife to call him in the states and we did not want to but she told us that he wanted us to, so we did and he was evasive and did not want to tell me much about himself, but I already knew all about him anyway. So the day comes that he finally supposedly arrives and he emails her that he married someone else in Cebu City, so did he or didn't he, either way he lied about a lot of things. So guys we wonder why some ladies become hardened and while others turn into scammers, and we forget that a lot of guys tell these ladies what they think they want to hear, and lie about anything and everything, and some even say they were only married once when they were married many many times. So please keep in mind that honesty is the best policy, and do not promise what you do not intend to fulfill, because hearts do get broken on the other side as well, and the possible repercussions might be the making of another scammer, or at the very least a hardened person.

And funnily enough (not really) I can tell you that my last ex was American and she lied to me for 10 years, then when I went all over from Australia to Missouri, I had to hear more lies. Unfortunately, lies are part of human nature. I hate them but they are everywhere, think about advertising, marketing and all different kind of deception that our world is full of. Than, the few honest people pay the big price. Edited May 17, 2011 by wallaby

[Mr Lee]

And funnily enough (not really) I can tell you that my last ex was American and she lied to me for 10 years, then when I went all over from Australia to Missouri, I had to hear more lies. Unfortunately, lies are part of human nature. I hate them but they are everywhere, think about advertising, marketing and all different kind of deception that our world is full of. Than, the few honest people pay the big price.

Agreed but I guess the main point I was trying to make is, do not lie if we want the lady to tell the truth, and if we lie, then we should not get upset if she does too. If she sees and feels you are honest with her, then she will end up mostly honest with you. White lies do not count because as you said, most people end up doing some of those. When I wrote to my current wife, and other ladies many years ago before home computers and the internet was the norm, I never lied to them about who I was, or what I was looking for in a person, and I even told her that I was dating a lady in the US at the time, because it was my idea to find friends first who might later on become a lifetime partner. If we lie, then we cannot expect them to be honest, but at the same time it might not be good idea to tell someone what we have in the way of finances, if we have a home or investments, those topics might be best to just avoid since I found few would ask about them anyway, so IMO never show pictures of the home you live in or the car you drive, or other items that would cost a fortune here.

[i am bob]

This may be an older post but, what the hey!I live by the philosophy that, if I want the world to change, then it has to start with me. If I want others to be honest, then I better be honest in all I do. If I see someone who needs help, then I should help as much as I can - if not more. And, yeah, sometimes if I think someone needs a kick in the butt, then I'll be the first one with my foot moving and hopefully it's not my butt I'm aiming for. Unfortunately it is not always so simple but if my doing the little things can be a start for others to do the same, then... Monsieur Lee, I feel so bad for how your niece was treated! This man is not a man but a piece of you know what... I hope your niece does not think we are all like him.