Forum Support Old55 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Forum Support Posted June 26, 2011 Interesting topic, I've supported my gf's Family quite a bit during the 10 tears we've been together (medical bills, tuiton fees etc) but pointed out that things may be a lot different when we move there on a limited budget. Not saying I won't but it shouldn't be an expectation, met with a little silence and given she's never asked for anything anyway probably a little insensitive. But this is a slight concern of mine. I think you and your wife are kinda the average. My mother and father are doing well. Papa has a modest government retirement they rent several small homes and have a small boarding house, a profitably ran sari sari and farmland in Leyte that provides a fairly good return. We provide boxes a few times a year and school tuition for family members. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beegee Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Good responses thanks - my wife in the past stopped me from sending php 5,000 a month as she said it would make them lazy, so hopefully it won't be a big issue when we're there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piglett Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 (edited) My partner has a brother working overseas in Saudi.He won't send any money to support his mother.Why?....because I'm a foreigner and should do it!I'll keep my comments and outcome of that situation to myself. We totally respect your privacy in that matter Roy but you make a good point. It is not uncommon for Filipino family members who contributed to mom and dad in the past cease support when a "rich Kano" enters the family. Isn't that the dam truth. once i married my wife i headed back home & while starting to collect the need documents for my wifes visa. Then i get a text from my wife saying that she was about to become homeless. I knew here sister that she shared the apartment with was behind on her 1/2 but i never thought i would get stuck paying for it. so p15,000 later plus my wife had to move in with a friend. i will be back in the PI next week & i intend to have a talk with sis to see what she has to say. piglett Edited June 28, 2011 by piglett Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forum Support Old55 Posted June 28, 2011 Author Forum Support Posted June 28, 2011 (edited) My partner has a brother working overseas in Saudi.He won't send any money to support his mother.Why?....because I'm a foreigner and should do it!I'll keep my comments and outcome of that situation to myself. We totally respect your privacy in that matter Roy but you make a good point. It is not uncommon for Filipino family members who contributed to mom and dad in the past cease support when a "rich Kano" enters the family. Isn't that the dam truth. once i married my wife i headed back home & while starting to collect the need documents for my wifes visa. Then i get a text from my wife saying that she was about to become homeless. I knew here sister that she shared the apartment with was behind on her 1/2 but i never thought i would get stuck paying for it. so p15,000 later plus my wife had to move in with a friend. i will be back in the PI next week & i intend to have a talk with sis to see what she has to say. piglett Piglett, I would go easy to do with your sister in laws not paying her portion of the rent. You now know your sister in laws character is lacking when it comes to money but if you get in her face about it what real good would it serve? If you want satisfaction or pay-back just keep in mind she is your wife’s sister for better or worse you both will be dealing with her to some degree for the rest of your life. Let your wife be the one telling her that you were unhappy about what happened.Have her know if ever it happens again there will be permanent financial ramifications in any dealing with her. In that way she will not lose face you will look to be a fair person and the word will get out to other family members when it comes to money you are not to be “played”. Edited June 28, 2011 by Old55 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Art2ro Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 My partner has a brother working overseas in Saudi.He won't send any money to support his mother.Why?....because I'm a foreigner and should do it!I'll keep my comments and outcome of that situation to myself. We totally respect your privacy in that matter Roy but you make a good point. It is not uncommon for Filipino family members who contributed to mom and dad in the past cease support when a "rich Kano" enters the family. Isn't that the dam truth. once i married my wife i headed back home & while starting to collect the need documents for my wifes visa. Then i get a text from my wife saying that she was about to become homeless. I knew here sister that she shared the apartment with was behind on her 1/2 but i never thought i would get stuck paying for it. so p15,000 later plus my wife had to move in with a friend. i will be back in the PI next week & i intend to have a talk with sis to see what she has to say. piglett Piglett, I would go easy to do with your sister in laws not paying her portion of the rent. You now know your sister in laws character is lacking when it comes to money but if you get in her face about it what real good would it serve? If you want satisfaction or pay-back just keep in mind she is your wife’s sister for better or worse you both will be dealing with her to some degree for the rest of your life. Let your wife be the one telling her that you were unhappy about what happened.Have her know if ever it happens again there will be permanent financial ramifications in any dealing with her. In that way she will not lose face you will look to be a fair person and the word will get out to other family members when it comes to money you are not to be “played”. I agree with Old55, your wife's sister is family of the closest kind! Walk on egg shells very lightly and don't turn red with anger! If you ever show your true colors that they don't like, everyone in her family may just disown you, including your wife for marrying you or in her retaliation towards you, your wife just may leave you, divorce or no divorce and weather she's homeless or not! Money matters can be worked out, but the love of a Filipina who looses face may never be mended! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Lee Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Isn't that the dam truth. once i married my wife i headed back home & while starting to collect the need documents for my wifes visa. Then i get a text from my wife saying that she was about to become homeless. I knew here sister that she shared the apartment with was behind on her 1/2 but i never thought i would get stuck paying for it. so p15,000 later plus my wife had to move in with a friend. i will be back in the PI next week & i intend to have a talk with sis to see what she has to say. piglett I handle things a little differently than some might, so what I do is be nice and let my wife let her sister know that she is on the do not bother to ever call to ask for money again list, and will remain on that list until such time as she does what is the right thing to do. I feel that anyone who takes advantage of me is on my sh*t list, so I make sure that they know not to bother to come to us when they have an emergency, and it seems like that always happens down the road as we all get older, so my reply to their needs is NO and I tell my wife to remind them of why. Of the few who had taken advantage two never even tried again, and the one tried got a big fat NO along with the reason, and her husband even got their daughter to text and try to work on our soft spot, which is always the kids, yet I still said no, and guess what, they managed to get the money somewhere else and her sister still contacts my wife from time to time with general chat about life but never asked for money again. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piglett Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 hey thanks for the info guys. the kicker is that this same sister wanted to go rent a place in Manila with my wife a few months ago ....... i told my wife N O ! and all was good. i'm not playing that silly game again.piglett Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allan G Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 We send money to my wifes 1st Family as in her mom & dad for them and her bros & sisters. Nothing for others, as we cant afford it. Early on in the relationship I made it clear their would be a "limit" each month, as I have to work for money and expect others to do the same. No way that my wife and I are working to send money to people, even family, that dont work when they are able too. Thankfully, her mom/dad etc do work, so we happily send them enough money every month to cover the bills as in electric, cable, internet and extra money on top. BUT we set a limit, as we are not rich either. Nevertheless, I realise we have changed their life for the better, by sending this money, gifts and money for their birthdays too.....so its nice :-) I thought it best to set the ground rules before we started to send. Also they know we can only send as long as we can afford too...Its not guaranteed and also once I retire, it will stop. Of course we will still give treats etc when we can afford once I am retired, but no regular monthly payments. Interesting topic Cheers Allan 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Lee Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 I often wonder if others have found the same thing that I have found? Early on in our marriage we used to give a lot of money to my wife's brothers and sisters, only to find they never had anything to show for it, so to those of you who give monthly money, have you ever found out what the money is being used for? I could never get a straight answer because it seemed that none of the family could ever explain what they had done with the money. I know some of it must have been used for gambling and booze, but if I wanted it to go for that, then I could have used it for that myself. So anyone have any ideas as to what ways we have actually bettered our families lives? Did they buy anything concrete with the money we sent, or might it have been better used to save up and buy them a home or land in our wife's name, so they cannot sell it? Just thinking out loud because I wish that is what we had done. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canada1 Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 The inlaws are always asking me for cash and not small stuff a new motorbike ,house,start a business etc etc etc .Mama is trying to bleed me dry at every chance and encouraging her daughter to tell me lies like she lost her job etc etc etcSo I give them money when I know it a emergency and help them out from time to time just because but the problem is everytime I give them a little the flood gates open wide and they start asking for everything under the sun .. I,m lucky because my sweetheart will not lie to me and tells me what they are trying to do .They don,t seem to understand if they didn,t ask for money I would give them way more .. I don,t like the whole give me free money that I bust my ass for .So I don,t give money to mama I give it to papa because he would never ask me for a dime . I already pay for all the kids schools and give them a little each month just so they will be nice to my best friend ..I did stop all money one time and they shunned her which really hurt her feelings so I told them be nice to her and I will help out a little .She sees what her mama is doing is wrong and its getting closer every day to her saying no mama . Dili ko ATM 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts