Art2ro Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 It's mainly a preconceived notion that if you're a foreigner or OFW, one is with means! So naturally one's extended family will have great expectations! Need I say more? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forum Support Old55 Posted October 12, 2011 Author Forum Support Posted October 12, 2011 Good to hear your simple but wise guidelines work for you and your family Allen.WOW, Canada 1 what a mess its a good thing your in-laws are not the norm. Thankfully your wife is a good and honest woman and you guys can deal with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allan G Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Good to hear your simple but wise guidelines work for you and your family Allen.WOW, Canada 1 what a mess its a good thing your in-laws are not the norm. Thankfully your wife is a good and honest woman and you guys can deal with them. Thanks :) yes once I realised their were some expectations once my wife got a job, i felt it had to be spelt out what the "rules" will be. Cheers 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
softail Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 (edited) After my wife and I were married , a Nov wedding, we visited the RP for my introduction to the family. As this was a meet and greet I decided to treat the family to a week in Subic, this would give me plenty of one on one to get to know everyone. My wife went totally out of control showing off for her family, by the time we got back to los banos she had blown over 2/3 of our vacation money, we were nearly broke with nearly a month left on our visit, there was no stopping her. My wife’s family have a large 2 story cinder block home which echoes with every step, once we were safely upstairs in our room I started a great big fight about the money she blew making sure the whole house could hear every word. Everyone was really quiet and withdrawn when we came down for dinner that evening but the point had been made, the Kano was no sugar daddy. On our next visit, over Christmas, I knew everyone would have there little Christmas envelope ready to be stuffed. Over a beer with a family leader I seized on a opportunity, as the subject came up in conversation to itemize our family budget in the US and show that we make much more money but that the cost of living is a lot higher as well. He was truly shocked at how much it costs to live in the US and I have no doubt he spread the word, thus lowering expectations for those little red envelops. Don’t get me wrong, when the family is truly in need we are there to help, I feel that responsibility. Last Christmas we sent two large boxes stuffed with gifts, my wife’s sister who just lost her breast to cancer, we helped with those expenses, during the flooding we send money to help and so on. I found that it is important to limit the expectation right up front and stick to it. Doug Edited October 12, 2011 by softail 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Art2ro Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 (edited) It's always stressful let alone shameful to be over heard arguing over money or of one's monthly tight budget! I guess that's just the stresses in life no one can avoid due to the global recession we are all in! All we can do is be more careful and thoughtful about the people around us we care about who can over hear our private problems or before we argue about anything in front of our loved ones or between thin walls! Yes, life "is always a matter of money", but not about loosing face or of our hopes and of our faith! Edited October 13, 2011 by Art2ro 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
softail Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 It's always stressful let alone shameful to be over heard arguing over money or of one's monthly tight budget! I guess that's just the stresses in life no one can avoid due to the global recession we are all in! All we can do is be more careful and thoughtful about the people around us we care about who can over hear our private problems or before we argue about anything in front of our loved ones or between thin walls! Yes, life "is always a matter of money", but not about loosing face or of our hopes and of our faith! I guess we will just have to agree to disagree on this one Doug Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sonjack2847 Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 I asked my gf the first time I came over last August how much the dowry would be if we got married, she replied nothing my family are not like that.Well so far so good no requests for money. I know she sends money to her parents when she can out of her salary. I give her a small allowance every week and she is free to do what she likes with it, I pay for every thing else even her clothes.I think I have been lucky as I have had no requests from family for money but I will tell them if they do that I have to look after my sister in the uk . I also showed (as a few people have) My income in the uk and my outgoings and as has been said they cannot believe it. I feel sorry for the people who are constantly asked for hand outs and I plan not be a cashcow. I the future if I do give money I would also like to know what it is spent on, if there is no explanation then I would only give food etc in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Art2ro Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Giving of one's hard earned money is just an individual decision what one is comfortable in giving without breaking one's piggy bank! Just be practical about money and use good common sense and one will be just fine! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norseman Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 This can be an issue right from the go. It must be discussed As families (not all) push young girls out to find a living to support the family. Families are large in size and sometimes parents use that as a cash crop for later in life. There is no safety net for the aging and elderly here in the Philippines. You must 100% discuss prior to marriage or serious commitment what your needs wants and desires are. Money plays a role in this. You must talk about family life and break it down. I am by far not rich. I explained it to my wife. Additionally we sat down many prior to marriage to discuss this various issue. I assist as much as I can and help as much as I can. However the score is known ahead of time. Here is what I explained to her and how. I asked what is a good salary in Cebu for you to earn.I then asked how much of that would you need for food and housingI then asked how much of that would you need to buy load and essentialsI came up with a total of what was left. I then asked how much would you send home. There you go we have a figure. A figure that does not involve me. But her and her potential prior to you entering the life. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ekimswish Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 (edited) My wife just sent 10,000pesos to her father in Marikina who was hospitalized, something to do with water in the lungs. He's had problems with his lungs for a few years now, and he's getting up there in age, so I don't expect him to live much longer. If he does live a lot longer, it'll be due to grit, luck, and better choices. However, that 10k was from the 14k I sent for my 2 year old to have some teeth extracted. My wife's sister was supposed to send money from Palao for their dad, but I think she hasn't sent money home for anyone since I've been in the picture. I refused to send her money two years in a row, both times claiming she had a car accident and would get thrown in jail. Her stories never added up, she always guilt-tripped my wife, and I finally messaged her that I support 15 people (pig farm employees and their kids included), and that I had four kids of my own (two step-kids) to support, so there was literally no money. If she's been working in Palau for the last 5 years and has no spouse or kids of her own, what's her deal? Why can't she support herself? Anyways, now she didn't send any money for her father. Actually, their father never raised them (abandoned for 20 years only to come back when his mistress died), but since the sister-in-law was a domestic partner for 10 years with the step-daughter of my father-in-law, that makes her most responsible to him. I told my wife I don't mind helping him a little, but that we were NOT going to sink a HUNDRED THOU into him, because health care in the Philippines sucks, we'd probably just drag out his sickness and pain a few months longer, and I'm not going to pay for his lifetime of mistakes. I love him, and know he'd rather die than get help from me, but that's how it's gotta be. We have our own life to live now. We can't repeat his mistakes. Her mom, on the other hand, I'd go all out to support. Edited October 13, 2011 by ekimswish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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