My Own Experiences And Impressions From "internet Dating"

[omnivorism]

So I have done a lot of research into the Philippines including my time here (among other resources), and I decided well ....I might as well find some Filipina to talk to and see what they are like, since I am looking to hopefully move there at some point. First I looked around and tried chat rooms and such, but wasn't really feeling that. I wanted something more. So I made the jump and joined a website geared towards dating, with profiles and things. I don't know what the policy on namedropping websites is here, but I will just say it had the initials CB. I am sure most here know what that is. So, I filled out my profile with a good amount of depth about my views (including my atheism, which I only want people to be aware of, understand and tolerate) hobbies, likes, interests etc. And I was crystal clear that I was not looking for a wife, and that I was looking to move there in the future at some point and was mostly just interested in friendly talk, and to "meet" some Filipina. The amount of attention I received was more than I expected. But I also am also younger than the majority of males there I would assume, and kind of eccentric. So I probably stand out somewhat. Anyway... soooo many of the messages from girls I got/get are from those who did not even view my profile at all, and just saw my photo. (Because you can check who has viewed the profile, so I can tell). They send generic messages they could send to anyone,. Some of them say they looked at my profile or that I sound interesting, or they are hoping I might be "the one" etc, (despite my profile being clear about my intentions). I even had one (without viewing my profile mind you) email me this long sob story about how she needed money for medical bills and her life was all messed up. Another one I talked to who was very cute asked me for 2000 pesos to pay for her internet 5 minutes into our first (and only) conversation.

The "God fearing" part was discussed in another thread I saw. Another is "I am a simple woman, simple person etc" I would say at LEAST half of the profiles use one or both of these terms. The average profile really reads like this: "I am a simple god fearing woman. Cute. Loyal. I am here in hope of meeting someone to love me forever. Could maybe u be him?" Very few actually had much to say about themselves (especially in the profiles) other than the above. Mostly they were very short and non descriptive profiles. I have to be frank with my own honest opinion, the majority of them were downright boring to me. Pretty or not. This is because they did not seem to have much in the way of interests, hobbies or passions, or have much interest in talking about work or career either. Some were curious about my religious views but for the most part that was never an issue of conflict at all. But I was amazed by how many did not know the word "Atheist", or what that actually meant, so I explained it (respectfully) in my profile. But,I would like to make something clear, I also find the majority of American girls on dating websites dull too, so this isn't really to say Filipina are any duller, they are more attractive on average than what one sees on an American dating website, But also if you take away the photos, and just looked at the profiles the majority of them read short and almost exactly the same. Few of them stood apart from each other in this way. There are certainly some very beautiful women there. No question about it. And I am sure many are very nice and good people who would make good wives, or mothers. And I get the impression a relatively young, mature, pleasant "Kano" has many options and somewhat of the pick of the liter. I know it is a foreign country and everything, but I was still somewhat surprised by the limited awareness of many facets of American culture (music being a good example and just a start). This isn't really something that I think would be a valid complaint, It is another country in another part of the world and all, it was just less than I expected.

Their English skills for the most part are very sufficient. Not perfect English at all, but with most people there was a very minimal language barrier. Just had to ask what they meant sometimes, or explain what I did. I found most of them would say they thought their English was bad, but really it wasn't horrible at all, and mistakes were not that big. And I respect anyone who knows 2 or three languages also. That is an accomplishment. I did "meet" a few who were very nice, and enjoyable to talk to. One who I think personality wise I have a lot in common with, and is much like an American girl I would be in a relationship with, despite our cultural differences. I was impressed and surprised to find a fellow fan of Japanese horror films there. Another recently finished a culinary program and we had mutual interest in cooking and had a lot to talk about also. A few other little observations. Sarcasm and dry humor seems lost on many of them, I think this would be both a language and cultural barrier, but many were certainly very warm and friendly. One thing I found pretty humorous is how many grown women pose with stuffed animals in their photos. it is pretty odd to me, but made me smile. Also if you ask what kind of music they like, just about every single one will say "love songs".I don't think of music I like in those terms, but I did share a lot of music with one girl and she was impressed that I liked so many "love songs". And she enjoyed some also, even though she had not heard them before.

So in short, in my own experience as an American who has only read of the Philippines is that there are a LOT of women out there who want to meet western men. There are a lot of cute or smoking hot Filipina too. Culturally I do find many of them very old fashioned and conservative (and very romance oriented in general). But there were certainly some who I had common ground with and enjoy talking to and would like to meet if I were there. As far as the scammers, I did experience some, but pretty minimal. I am not easily duped either though. I met more who I could just have friendly conversation with than anyone trying to get money from me. Also, some of the Vietnamese girls profiles were pretty cute too, and culturally somewhat different. I am curious to talk to more of them in the future as well. I know many of you have wives and such or are Filipino yourselves. I am just giving my own very candid observations as a western outsider.

Edited September 9, 2012 by Jollygoodfellow
- broke long text format so easier to read

[omnivorism]

Sorry for some of my own bad grammar. I didn't bother to proof read. I am on another forum where I can edit my posts after, but I do not know how to do that here. (Edit) Oh there it is. haha.

Edited August 7, 2011 by omnivorism

[MikeB]

Omnivorism - They used to tell me I looked just like you in my younger days, before I lost the mustache. I think he's lost his as well, definitely makes you look older lol. Thanks for sharing your experiences, I think you make some valid points. I don't know CB but, out of sheer boredom a few weeks ago, I joined one of these sites for the 1st time ever and my observations are pretty similar."Sarcasm and dry humor seems lost on many of them, I think this would be both a language and cultural barrier, but many were certainly very warm and friendly." I find that to be very true and the problem there is that it's very easy to be misunderstood - both sides. I am probably quite a bit older then you and I wrote on my profile: "Over 28 ONLY" but I continue to get messages from 20 and 21 year olds. I don't reply except to sometimes ask "did you read my profile". Obviously, most don't, they are responding to a picture. I had 3 of them ask if they could be my helper and 1 wanted to sell me bee's honey lol. Also, be aware some of the ladies are male. It's a huge weeding out process. It's a zoo but it sounds like you know what you are doing. There's a good book called Culture Shock! Philippines which many consider a bible to understanding the culture. I'm seeing one of the ladies I met on the site. She's pretty, smart, athletic, and has a good job. 35 years old and, amazingly, lives a 5 or 6 minute walk from me. It's early though, we'll see. I'll probably close the account for now. Good luck!

[Dave Hounddriver]

You nailed it. So if all the girls are the same you can see why many foreigners just pick the prettiest one. If we want to discuss politics we socialize with other foreigners. If we want to argue we find a western girl. One observation is not to kid yourself. Any foreigner with money, regardless of age or anything else, can have the 'pick of the litter' The only advantage you would have is with some of the girls who go 'foreigner hopping'. That means she will take the first decent guy who comes along but keep shopping for a better deal and dump the guy she is with. i don't know why some guys take these girls but I suppose there are some western men who like the idea that she dumped some other guy to be with them and discount the possibility that they will get dumped if a better prospect comes along. Just keep it real. Girls here trade their youth, beauty, love and motherliness for a guy who will support, love and take care of them. Or, they trade sex for money in some way. The idea of an independent woman who just dates and wants you for your charisma is a very western concept.

[CebuAndy]

Good advice above.I'm using another Asian website with Cebu as my location, and I get 10+ cell numbers daily. After 1 month I'm surprised I've got so many messages. I hadn't expected all the attention, suddenly I feel young and handsome again. (50+) I clearly say I look for a girlfriend, not marry. I've been in Philippines twice and know that many looking for marriage. I like to hurry slowly so I tell them in my profile. I haven't met many who talk or mention money. Majority seem to be on website to find a foreign husband. Although some exceptions "hi, i need someone who can support me", or right to the point " hi, can we meet tonight for fun". I have another profile on the same website with my present location in Thailand, and don't get much response from the ladies here. They seem to prefer younger men, and only men who are jai dee aka good heart aka spoil me first. IMO majority of Filipinas are looking for a hubby and soul mate, and seem more real in their search than their Thai sisters. That's why I'm planning move there. I know many expats in Thailand doing the same.

[MikeB]

Good advice above.I'm using another Asian website with Cebu as my location, and I get 10+ cell numbers daily. After 1 month I'm surprised I've got so many messages. I hadn't expected all the attention, suddenly I feel young and handsome again. (50+) I clearly say I look for a girlfriend, not marry. I've been in Philippines twice and know that many looking for marriage. I like to hurry slowly so I tell them in my profile. I haven't met many who talk or mention money. Majority seem to be on website to find a foreign husband. Although some exceptions "hi, i need someone who can support me", or right to the point " hi, can we meet tonight for fun". I have another profile on the same website with my present location in Thailand, and don't get much response from the ladies here. They seem to prefer younger men, and only men who are jai dee aka good heart aka spoil me first. IMO majority of Filipinas are looking for a hubby and soul mate, and seem more real in their search than their Thai sisters. That's why I'm planning move there. I know many expats in Thailand doing the same.

Check out the age preferences for the Thai girls, almost all are a very tight and low age range, many of the Filipinas say they are looking for from 25-80 lol. What interests me most about Thailand is the culture and predominant religion. And food.

[omnivorism]

MikeB I am not entirely clear on what you meant about the mustache/looking like me. If you mean younger and eccentric then I understand. The avatar I have here is Tom Sellec from the 80's television show "Magnum PI". I think maybe you knew that though because you said he doesn't have his (mustache) anymore. But some non-American's may not be familiar with the show. I don't have a mustache or wear Hawaiian shirts myself. haha. But that is an example of my dry sense of humor. I definitely saw some Ladyboy profiles. I have seen transvestites on American dating websites as well though. The profiles are kind of funny to me, and the film "The Crying Game" comes to mind. And I just think "That's a MAN baby!" in my best Austin Power's voice in my head every time I see one. They can put on a wig and make up, but their male chromosomes still show up some in their features. Although with some of them I wonder if it is a man, or just an ugly woman. I expect some also just use photos of pretty girls also. But I managed to avoid many of the would be scammers by simply ignoring anyone who didn't look at my full profile. Also, I would like to say that I don't mean to give the impression that ALL filipina are boring with little visable personality. But I would say the majority of them have limited exposure to American culture, and very different ideas about their roles as women etc and what they want in life. I do not mean to imply this is entirely bad either. Some may want a simple (but attractive) gal who will be good to them. Also, I would like to say some girls really do stand apart from the crowd as far as personalities. One girl I talked to is American raised, and I have a lot in common with her. And others have personality traits that are much like American girls I would like even though they may have had much less exposure to the same culture. So I would like to say that there are girls who are refreshingly unique, and don't follow the exact same predictable pattern. Also even some of the pretty boring ones were completely gorgeous. I feel kind of bad for the uglier ones though. They have a much poorer chance of meeting a foreigner husband, given the vast numbers of their prettier competition. I saw some pretty Thai girls also. But I think I am more interested in Viet girls. They may be culturally somewhat of a mix between Thai and Filipino as far as social gender roles, etc. What I saw of them, they seem very sweet and humble.

Edited August 7, 2011 by omnivorism

[MikeB]

MikeB I am not entirely clear on what you meant about the mustache/looking like me. If you mean younger and eccentric then I understand. The avatar I have here is Tom Sellec from the 80's television show "Magnum PI". I think maybe you knew that though because you said he doesn't have his (mustache) anymore. But some non-American's may not be familiar with the show. I don't have a mustache or wear Hawaiian shirts myself. haha. But that is an example of my dry sense of humor.

Yes, I was referring to him. I used to hear all the time I looked like him but that was a long time ago. I was joking. Never watched the show though.

[Jake]

Good advice above.I'm using another Asian website with Cebu as my location, and I get 10+ cell numbers daily. After 1 month I'm surprised I've got so many messages. I hadn't expected all the attention, suddenly I feel young and handsome again. (50+) I clearly say I look for a girlfriend, not marry. I've been in Philippines twice and know that many looking for marriage. I like to hurry slowly so I tell them in my profile. I haven't met many who talk or mention money. Majority seem to be on website to find a foreign husband. Although some exceptions "hi, i need someone who can support me", or right to the point " hi, can we meet tonight for fun". I have another profile on the same website with my present location in Thailand, and don't get much response from the ladies here. They seem to prefer younger men, and only men who are jai dee aka good heart aka spoil me first. IMO majority of Filipinas are looking for a hubby and soul mate, and seem more real in their search than their Thai sisters. That's why I'm planning move there. I know many expats in Thailand doing the same.

Check out the age preferences for the Thai girls, almost all are a very tight and low age range, many of the Filipinas say they are looking for from 25-80 lol. What interests me most about Thailand is the culture and predominant religion. And food.

OK MikeB, you have me thoroughly wet with curiosity -- "preferences for the Thai girls,almost all are a very tight and low age range". Are you using standard or metric system? Have a good one my friend -- Jake

[Dave Hounddriver]

I feel kind of bad for the uglier ones though. They have a much poorer chance of meeting a foreigner husband, given the vast numbers of their prettier competition.

At one time I thought that way. Then I started to notice that a huge number of expats were living with ladies that I considered ugly. First I thought that the guys had met the girls back in the day when they were pretty and they just grew to look like their mothers over time, then I realized that one man's trash is another man's treasure so all the girls here have a very good chance of catching a foreigner if that is what they set their minds to do.