Dating Via Snail Mail

[Mr Lee]

The inspector suggested in THIS post that we start a topic on this, so while I am not sure there are many of us who did the paper and pen thing, as compared to the internet dating chatting scene, maybe we could discuss the differences. I personally think a person spends more time thinking about what they will write in a letter, and then puts it to paper, and I also think it takes more devotion to write letters verses just typing and chatting. I would have to guess that a person could learn a lot more about a person they are chatting with on the internet because letters take weeks for a reply and on the internet you can see the person you are chatting with and watch their body language and facial expressions when you ask a question. I also know that had my wife and I chatted more via voice, that we may have never married because while she was educated and spells much better than I do, she was taught to speak English by Filipinos, so at the beginning of our friendship and when we were together, I often had to ask her to spell words, as I also often had to do whenever we were on the telephone. Anyone meet their wife via letters as I did? Back in those days there were international newsletters which would publish what a person seeks, and men had to pay to post in them, whereas women could post free, so there were probably way more women than men. I wrote that I wanted to learn about and visit countries in Asia with the probability of moving to one, and I got over one hundred letters, many with photos and bio-data, yet only one stood out in the crowd, and that was the lady I ended up marrying, but I did correspond with about a dozen other ladies as friends and picked all their brains about their country and the part of the country they were living in, and why they wanted to get out of it, and I therefore learned a lot about different countries and regions of countries in doing so. The weird thing I found about letters was that whenever I would dust someone off politely, they would then pass my name and address on to a few others, and the letters just kept multiplying, I wonder if it works the same way on the internet? I am very happy I did what I did, and I would do it again, yet when I talk to friends on the internet, I do seem to learn more about them in typing sessions, so thanks for the internet, to whoever invented it.

[Old55]

Yea we did that kinda old fashioned stuff but my wife did have a (one) computer at her work some emails were sent but I do recall those letters.

[Candyman]

Yes, all our communications were via snail mail, and phone calls. I had a computer, but my wife didn't and had no idea how to use one anyway. She was a DH in Singapore, and had a***holes for bosses. She was forbidden to have any communication, with ANYONE, other than her immediate family. Towards the end of her time there, she used to spend virtually all her wages on phone calls to me, and a LOT of the snail mail, suddenly started to disappear. Letters, cards, and small presents, simply would not get to her. One day, after admitting to her female boss that she had a "Boyfriend", at 4.00am the next morning she was woken up and instructed to pack one suitcase with her belongings. What did not fit in the suitcase she had to leave behind. She never had time even to go to her bank. All the money she had was a few Singapore dollars in her purse. She was then driven by the male boss to Changi Airport, and put on the first plane back to Manila ! Such was the thanks for 6 years of loyal slavery to them ! The first I heard about it was about 9am that Morning, after she had landed at Manila with next to no money, and no friends there. (She came from Badian at the bottom of Cebu Island at the time.) Anyway she rang me reverse charges of course, and told me what had happened. That is another story though, and is fairly long and involved. The important part though, is that all the obstacles they threw at us we still ended up marrying and having two beautiful kids !

[scott h]

snail mail for me and my wife of 17 years

[Jollygoodfellow]

I might be off base with this but was this not where the mail order bride originated?

[Candyman]

I might be off base with this but was this not where the mail order bride originated?

I think you are entirely off base ! Mail Order brides to my knowledge, were brought about by companies or firms acting as a go-between, for couples intending marriage etc. Usually, the women either paid nothing, or a reduced fee to be included in a newsletter, or database, of eligible girls, the man paid top dollar to be introduced to someone "compatible", and depending on the company, they may have had three introductions, before, being hit again with fees. This practice has been outlawed in the Philippines, and In Australia for at least twenty years. If there is any comparison, it may be more closely likened to Date in Asia or Cherryblossoms are today, where the site is the go-between ! I personally find the term "Mail Order Bride" offensive in the extreme, and just shows how little, people really think, and voice an opinion about, that they obviously know so little about !

[Candyman]

Find and watch "Filipina Dreamgirl" it was a movie made about 25 years ago, and stars the bloke that plays "Greengrass" in Heartbeat. I watched that years ago, and as a movie, it gives a better insight to the organised "Mail Order Bride" thing that was around at that time.

[Jollygoodfellow]

I might be off base with this but was this not where the mail order bride originated?

I think you are entirely off base ! Mail Order brides to my knowledge, were brought about by companies or firms acting as a go-between, for couples intending marriage etc. Usually, the women either paid nothing, or a reduced fee to be included in a newsletter, or database, of eligible girls, the man paid top dollar to be introduced to someone "compatible", and depending on the company, they may have had three introductions, before, being hit again with fees. This practice has been outlawed in the Philippines, and In Australia for at least twenty years. If there is any comparison, it may be more closely likened to Date in Asia or Cherryblossoms are today, where the site is the go-between ! I personally find the term "Mail Order Bride" offensive in the extreme, and just shows how little, people really think, and voice an opinion about, that they obviously know so little about !

Sorry if I offended but I must say it is a term that has been around for ever and no matter how one interprets it its is still just that, a term and its used today.And for what I know nothing about then instead of getting on your high horse maybe you should remember it came about in your era and I came a bit later so information is gold. :cheersty:

[Candyman]

Sorry if I offended but I must say it is a term that has been around for ever and no matter how one interprets it its is still just that, a term and its used today.And for what I know nothing about then instead of getting on your high horse maybe you should remember it came about in your era and I came a bit later so information is gold.

I am not offended by you, but by the term and what it implies ! It implies that a man, no matter where he is, or what he does, or what his makeup is, or what his personal circumstances are, is something Less" than someone else, because their circumstances are different to his, and can find a relationship more easily. Yes, I have been around along time, and seen and done a lot of things. I personally know a couple of close friends that went that route more than thirty years ago now. One of them, sadly passed away a couple of years ago from cancer, and his wife stood by him right to the end. In fact she has never remarried, despite being a very attractive lady, but as she said, her husband was her life. The second one, was also a long term friend, and lived on a farm miles from town. He was a non drinker and smoker, so did not get to town very often or socialize very well. He met his "mail Order bride" via snail mail, and she was a school teacher in the Philippines and gave up her job and family to be with him. He is now 73 years old (she is 57), and just recently been diagnosed with some sort of bone cancer. Again, his wife has stuck by him through thick and thin for all these years, which would be well over thirty years now. I was fortunate enough to have known him a lot longer than that, and met and socialize with him and his first two wives, who were both Australians. There is simply no comparison, between his first two wives, and his current one. They are like cheese and chalk. How many other farmers, graziers, or outback men have met and married their wives this way ? I will bet if there were some sort of statistics, it would be an eye opener ! I do not judge anyone on how they meet, or what they do. I treat everyone the same, whether they are the Queen of England, or some street kid. Do try to see Filipina Dreamgirl, it was and still is a good movie !

[Mr Lee]

During my earlier years, I did see some dating books with lots of photos of foreign girls in them, but I did not choose to meet a wife that way, yet I respect those that did.